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Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 1:35:49 AM

bellanotte

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Tornado Alley, USA
Status: offline

At a play party the other night, I was sitting with my Protector and his submissive (my mentor). He asked me to go get him a specific item off of the snack bar, which I did. Later, when I was ready to throw my snack plate away, I asked him if he would like me to take his plate to the trash. He wasn't ready for that but wanted another of the same thing he had had.

That got me thinking about the anticipatory service, about how to be aware of what a Dominant needs either just as they need it, or before they think of it. Fact is, I don't know how to do it. A friend told me that basically one has to think of what -you- would want if you were in those shoes, and then also apply any knowledge you have of that person.

I understand that in general but am not sure how it works in specifics.
Would it be something along the lines of asking if he wanted more food, or something along the lines of getting him seconds when he finished the first?

I am confused as to the specifics of anticipatory service and how to learn to serve like that, and am hoping some Dom/mes and subs/slaves can give me feedback on more specifically what anticipatory service is/means to them, and also how the heck a girl could go about learning such?

Thank you in advance for any replies, I will check this as often as I can

_____________________________

"The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw before." -Samuel Johnson

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” -Joseph Campbell

Post #: 1

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 1:44:32 AM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline

One word answers it all girl....time. Think. Observe. Learn. over time you will know generally what is wanted before it is asked. Be Well Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 2

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 1:48:37 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

It will take time to learn to anticipate what your dominants habits are and S/He will have to teach you what it is that they like/dislike. It isn't something that you learn over night as it can take some time. Just keep trying and you will get there.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 3

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 1:50:55 AM

bellanotte

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Tornado Alley, USA
Status: offline

Thank you both!

They say Patience is a virtue... (I wonder also if Patience was a Sadist

)

belle

< Message edited by bellanotte -- 3/19/2007 1:52:03 AM >

_____________________________

"The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw before." -Samuel Johnson

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” -Joseph Campbell

(in reply to rmanrr)

Post #: 4

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 2:09:10 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

i use my own needs to gauge that of Master's. i try to get my body to comform to His patterns such as sleeping, rising, eating, and drinking. These are the easy ones, and the ones most common in anticipatory service.

Before i eat or drink anything, i ask if He would like something. If it has been a while since He has had something, i provide it without asking, and He is always grateful.

i try to dress similar to Master so that i can use my body temperature to be one step ahead of His needs, by asking Him if i can find a place for His jacket (in public), or pull a blanket over us when we snuggle on the couch.

In a party setting like you mentioned, you want to watch what He eats first, and note anything that indicates He liked that food best. Never ask to take the plate without first asking if He would like more of what you noticed He enjoyed. Never allow His glass to be less than half full, even if it means you are drinking what He does just to use yours to full His as needed, or that you take a second cup as back up (if it is far, or there may be a line for refills).

You may want to consider these ideas for starters...
Master's dorei

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 5

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 2:12:10 AM

bellanotte

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Tornado Alley, USA
Status: offline

Those are wonderful ideas, dorei

.... I think I will be starting a new Word doc to write everything down from this thread!

belle

_____________________________

"The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw before." -Samuel Johnson

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” -Joseph Campbell

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 6

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 3:17:04 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As others have stated, merely get to know him or her. It is hard to serve a top in any other fashion than play unless they spell it out to you word for word. Beyond just basic manners and such.
A dom is much easier, you have more of a connection and you know them.

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 7

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 3:45:04 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

Aside from getting to know the person who's needs you wish to anticipate, I suggest you learn to hone your observastion skills. During your time with both your mentor and your Dom, pay careful attention. Take notice to the things your mentor does for your Dom, see how he reacts to those things. Watch closely at how he reacts to room temperatures, to foods, to drinks, to women (so you can try to appear more like the ones he looks at more than once

), to tv shows or books. Look for contentment, smiles, winks, nods, anything that suggests he is pleased with any given situation. Also pay attention to his frowns, or his furrowed brows, as these indicate displeasure - try not to do the things that cause displeasure. The more you focus your attention to the small details, the sooner you will begin to anticipate the wants and needs of your Dom. Don't just focus on the food and drink, focus on favorite conversation topics, where he likes his keys to be (in case he forgets to put them in their proper place, you can do this for him), how he likes his shoes arranged (in a closet, at the door, etc). What is his favorite pillow? Where is his favorite seat in the house? As many have suggested time will help answer many of these 'anticipatory questions'; but, if you are not observant, no amount of time will help.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 8

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 5:24:01 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Ask him first if he wants this because not all do. Some take a sub fussing around them to be babying them. Others just get a rush out of giving orders.

If he's okay with it, then start slow. Keep an eye on his drink and ask when he finishes it if he wants a refill. You'll soon learn whether he drinks two cups of coffee followed by cold water or whatever his pattern is.

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 9

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 5:37:20 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Not everyone CAN do it well. Thats one thing to keep in mind. While the more you learn about someone, the easier it gets to anticipate what they might or might not want or like, its not a foolproof system. The reason I mention that is becasue your tie of anticipatory service to his wanting seconds rather than throwing away his plate is a bit of a fine point.
When I think of the anticipatory services I expect, its things like having my coffee made when I would want it. Having the table set when it should be, rather than a more casual dinner when maybe we eat on the couch and watch TV. Not something as momentary as is he ful or does he want more to eat. That is not something you can necessarily ver learn, that changes EVERY time you try and figure it out.
Keep realistic ideas of what you will be expected to learn to anticipate and what you wont. That will make it a far better learning experience when you see positive results learning to read his realistic behaviors rather than feeling like you are not doing your best beasue you cant judge the tiniest things.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 10

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 8:01:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellanotte
I am confused as to the specifics of anticipatory service and how to learn to serve like that, and am hoping some Dom/mes and subs/slaves can give me feedback on more specifically what anticipatory service is/means to them, and also how the heck a girl could go about learning such?

Asking and practice. This is really one of those things that only comes with time and repetition. The dom has to specifically train you on their preferences.

Just because I ask for something doesn't mean I want it every time. And there are things I would get annoyed at if someone TRIED to anticipate it for me because I'm rather picky.

So it's a case of their style- some doms LOVE anticipation, some doms HATE it, and finding their own personal balance- I do want a cold coke ready for me when I wake up, I do NOT want food unless I ask for it.

Over time and repetition and practice, it becomes old hat.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 11

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 8:49:18 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Ask him first if he wants this because not all do. Some take a sub fussing around them to be babying them. Others just get a rush out of giving orders.

Be very careful assuming. I know a Dominant who gets very irrate if someone does something without a specific command, even things as simple as providing a glass of water. It can be difficult to not do for someone, but then when that's what most pleases them, that's the best thing to do.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 12

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 9:58:17 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellanotte

At a play party the other night, I was sitting with my Protector and his submissive (my mentor). He asked me to go get him a specific item off of the snack bar, which I did. Later, when I was ready to throw my snack plate away, I asked him if he would like me to take his plate to the trash. He wasn't ready for that but wanted another of the same thing he had had.

That got me thinking about the anticipatory service, about how to be aware of what a Dominant needs either just as they need it, or before they think of it. Fact is, I don't know how to do it. A friend told me that basically one has to think of what -you- would want if you were in those shoes, and then also apply any knowledge you have of that person.

I understand that in general but am not sure how it works in specifics.
Would it be something along the lines of asking if he wanted more food, or something along the lines of getting him seconds when he finished the first?

I am confused as to the specifics of anticipatory service and how to learn to serve like that, and am hoping some Dom/mes and subs/slaves can give me feedback on more specifically what anticipatory service is/means to them, and also how the heck a girl could go about learning such?

Thank you in advance for any replies, I will check this as often as I can

A lot of it to me is about looking at someones patterns over time. Everyone has eating patterns and once you learn those then its easier to anticipate what they will want. I think anticipatory service also has to do with observing what a person likes to drink and eat (what type of soda, what type of water, is it with ice or without ice, etc, etc, etc).

For instance my owner likes to eat lukewarm food, not hot food and the same holds true for coffee and such (which he likes with cream and splenda). He has particular sodas that he likes to drink generally without a whole lot of ice but fairly cold and has particular waters (poland spring carbonated mandarin orange) And when he eats he tends to eat one thing at a time, so if there is a meal of chicken, rice, potatoes, and green beans he'll usually start with the potatoes then probably move to the rice and or green beans (but not eat all the green beans) and then finish with the chicken. And he's a very deliberate eater that likes to take his time and not feel rushed. He also tends to drink soda at the begining and during pauses during meals but for the most part drinks before and after a meal. There's a lot of other nuances but hopefully you get what I mean in terms of observing eating pattersn. What I find funny is that I once pointed this all out to him and he looked pretty surprised that I noticed it.

Also I'd suggest reading this article that talks about the difference between anticipating and presuming (look specifically for the article "Anticipation versus Presumption" by Carolyn Vakesh):

http://www.wildfleurs.com/service/articles.html

I think the key difference is that with anticipating you know the person is going to do X because they always do X after they do Y. And when in doubt just ask because if you are in doubt then you are prolly going to be presuming the person needs X.

Hope that helps,
C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 13

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 10:00:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Hooray for monosequential masticators!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 14

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 10:49:01 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

The potential pitfall in anticipatory service is not putting your own emotions at risk. Obviously if you get him a glass of water when you get your own, you won't feel hurt if he doesn't drink it. But if you cooked his favorite fancy meal and had him come home with a pizza to eat while watching March Madness there's a good chance you might feel really rejected and hurt.

Forcing him to agree to accept what you did so that you don't get your feelings hurt is natural but wrong. You need to separate your hoped for result from what may actually happen.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 11:09:59 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Hooray for monosequential masticators!

Once I started paying attention, I realized I mix all my food together. Eating one thing at a time would drive me nuts! lol

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 11:17:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
Once I started paying attention, I realized I mix all my food together. Eating one thing at a time would drive me nuts! lol

C~

OMG mixing food, BLEHHH!!! I've found there are FEW things I like mixed together, but I still hate when most food touches!!

And there's definitely an order to which I eat, though it has changed in some respects over time. And I need to drink while I eat, it astounds me that my partner doesn't need a drink during a meal.

It's some of my OCD tendencies, we deal. :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 17

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 11:21:53 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

monosequential masticators

I'm a card carrying member. LOL

to the OP: what others have said. It takes time and practice. The better you know someone, the easier it is to anticipate their needs.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 11:37:58 AM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

yes time think and obserb learn what it is and how to please who you are with and what they want without having to ask

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 19

RE: Anticipatory service -- How do you learn to do it? - 3/19/2007 11:46:39 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

My answer is also similar to what others have stated.

I am one of those dominants that Diurnal and LA took notice of...I would prefer that a submissive learn that Yes, I do like coffee in the morning...every morning...and would have that ready rather than have them try to learn to anticipate as to whether or not I want a soda right now while watching T.V.. Part of that is because I may indeed want a soda right now or a piece of cake but for my own reasons...watching weight, not really hungry but instead experiencing "I want....something...to eat", bored....don't want it. I'd prefer having the table set on Monday and Thursday evenings at a certain time because I go back to work on those evenings as opposed to having it set every night.

By the way...I am not a monosequential masticator BUT I too am of the group who doesn't like certain of my foods to be touching each other. I mean...come on people, why on earth would you put nice cool jello on a warm plate right next to my garlic mashed potatoes or my steak? So I can have raspberry flavored garlic mashed potatoes?? So I can have watermelon-flavored steak??? Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh.....

(in reply to bellanotte)

Post #: 20

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