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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 7:19:04 AM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

Same feeling for me, I enjoy pain but there's no way in hell I'm a switch. My boy does what I tell him to. If I tell him to bite me I tell him how, where and how hard. We both know who is in charge. There are things I won't let him do because I think it undermines the power exchange, but why not have your sub do things to you that you enjoy? Never been a sub, never intend to be, totally feel you on this subject.

Speaking in terms of Bedroom play dynamics
For me I have no problem telling a submissive where when and how to bite. In time, they tend to get a feeling for what I like, and will take some intitutive in the things I like. It's the whole training process. At times I will tell them no not yet, and tell them what else to do next. I really do enjoy being with a submissive.

Now, I do like the fact the Dommes will just do something wild and unexpected at times. It's like opening up a christmas gift. It's either a good suprise or a bad one. However, it's can be a really fun experience. Like a rollercoaster ride, you paid for a ticket and you know you're going to have one crazy ride. I have discovery things I really like while being with a Domme or switch type. In short they are getting the same damn roller coaster thrill ride as well. Things are a little out of control, but never to the point that either Dom or Domme control is truely threaten. Meaning that there's a level of mutal respect. It ironic though that limits somehow magically get a little more tested and explored though. A sort of barter and trade system if you call it. A I'll let you use me for something a little harsh, If I can use you for something equally harsh. Type of thing. This is why I can or refer to it as a bit of a wreatling match. It might sound harsh, but the fact is that Limits tend to be tested and the testing is exchanged. At least from my own experience with it. Let's just put it this way, If a Domme want to take a strap on to my Ass... I'm gonna get my turn for doing something extreme back at her. It all will or should equal out in the end. A balance of power. I personally, will never submit myself to a Domme for the sake of just being a submission little boy for her to do with as she so pleases. No way, not this dude.  Personally, I have never had a strap on taken to me! I hear it's painful! But, if that ever did happen.. I would be saying shit.. "you are goning to so get it! Ouccccchhhh... You just wait... I'll show you... Ouccccccccccch.. Damn this hurts.... I'm going to get you goodddddd!... Damn.... "  does this sound like a person in a submissive role with a submissive attitude? Does this sound like a switch talking as well? Perhaps a switch in terms of top/bottom.   Hell, I'd probally be wanting to grab and pull the hell out of her hair.. while getting a strap on to my ass! I'd probally be throwing a few wise ass remarks about her Strap on techniques as well. Yes, being a complete smart ass in the middle of so much pain.  If it was too much for me to take, I'd throw her back off from me.. and say this is enough! She has hte same power to end the bottom role any time she see fit as well.   It's amazing though, what you will endure in order to fullfill a kink of yours fully with another. It's amazing what they will endure because you just helped fullfill a kink of theirs. So it's an equal power exchange thing. Yes, limits get some how magically tested. LOL... Oh lord, I wish more people understood this...

I have alway thought of a Switch as a person that takes on a complete Submissive or Dom role. Literally to switch. In my opinion if I were a switch, I'd just assume the bottom submissive role, let her have complete control.

Ok.. back to more Domme Dom dynamics... Here's an smart ass example... While in the middle of flogging her beautiful ass.. to hear insults.  "What was that? A 10 year old girl can hit harder then that! Come on show me some pain, what are you are a little sissy boy"... Yes, a provoking smart ass comment to the person in the top position.. response being "Oh yeah, 10 year old girl.. I'll show your ass, you won't be able to sit down for a week straight, after I'm done with you. You'll be using a air cushions to sit on!"... Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack... Amazing thing though! You know you are dishing it out harder and harder. The Domme will be feeling the pain.. the limit may even be tested... then amazing thing.. when it's my turn... Ouch Ouch Ouch!!   We both find ourselves sitting or using Air Cushions for a week straight, making jokes about it! LOL... Oh poor baby does that it!  Yes, It hurts me as much it does you! Ohhhh... My we really did get carried away! hahaha.. But you started it! Only becaue you wanted me too! LOL.. ha ha ha ha...   Amazing thing is that some pure D/s BDSMers, look at us as if we lost our brains! The Nilla ones.. think we're both insane..

OK, damn it. Posting this has just decreased my odds of finding a submissive woman now. Damn it. I can see now why people go poly. Dom Domme couples with a bisexual sub/slave type under them. It's like being torn between the best of both worlds. I've never done the poly thing before, perhaps it's something to mentally explore.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 7:42:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Now that I think about it, I don't really find the idea of forceplay fun if I don't know who is going to be the winner in the end. I'm too competitive and it would just end up with both of us exhausted and not in a fun way at the end.

But I've never tried it so maybe I'd like it in practice.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 7:49:31 AM

dawntreader

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LOL!!! This was a great read!!!! I would like to watch if you and a Domme ever got together! i think it would be great! Explosive, even!

i have been with a switch recently and i find switches to be exciting because of their duality - however, i don't think a switch is the right match for me but i am sure there must be submissives that thrive on the dynamic you describe - so i doubt you have done anything detrimental to your odds by being honest - besides, you are adorable! Hang in there!

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 8:05:23 AM

Wildfleurs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Wildfleurs and Celeste, You are exactly the type he is talking about. Please explain how having a masochistic streak makes you a switch? Some people just must have theri labels and can't wrap their head around anything different.

I like pain, if you bite me hard enough to draw blood you will make me orgasm. That makes me a switch? I think not.

K

Oh noooo whatever shall I do since I'm now THE TYPE. These poor downridden peoplewhoechangetodifferentsidesoftheslasheswhoareNOTswitches are so downtrodden and misunderstood by so many people. Who will save the peoplewhoechangetodifferentsidesoftheslasheswhoareNOTswitches?

To me liking pain=masochism and masochistic dominant is a type of a switch, which I'm sure you're not going to agree with or like in particular given your sig line but hey you asked.

But you could have found the answer to your question in my previous post where I say:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
Edit to add: I understand and believe that D/s and S/M are separate concepts, however I view it all as a function of continums (not levels where one is better than the other, but more like a Kinsey sexuality spectrum) and when you jump over the slash (whether for control or for application of sensations and/or pain) to me thats switching. That can include a sadistic submissive, sadomasochist who is control/authority neutral, a dominant who bottoms every so often to get out their ya ya's or whatever. And I think its all good, but I think its important to be precise about what one means (for instance there is no such thing as a male lesbian, you have to be a woman to be a lesbian.. thats imprecise language as well).

C~

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 8:41:05 AM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

LOL!!! This was a great read!!!! I would like to watch if you and a Domme ever got together! i think it would be great! Explosive, even!

i have been with a switch recently and i find switches to be exciting because of their duality - however, i don't think a switch is the right match for me but i am sure there must be submissives that thrive on the dynamic you describe - so i doubt you have done anything detrimental to your odds by being honest - besides, you are adorable! Hang in there!

I actually enjoy being with a submissive as well, I'm actually wanting to be with somebody that is willing to explore new things, try new things. One with lower number of limits. There are things I am just wanting to do or try but have not be able to do so because of limits. In part, I think this is why I really enjoyed one Dom Domme relationship I had in the past. Because her and I both got to do new things that we never did before. In many regards the subs I have been with, had more limits then the Domme I was with had. Go figure that one. I'm actually starting to think in terms of matching up activities as being a big thing for me right now. In terms of the D/s or D/D relationship dynamics, I can handle or deal with it either way. Not a problem. It's just clicking with somebody with similar interests or is willing to trying and explore certain activities. There are even some activities I've only been able to do on a light weight level. Yes, In other words limits. A great sub, that is willing to go there would be oh so awesome. But she's would have to be willing to bite, scratch or do things as I want. One that is not squimish at the thoughts of digging her finger nails into my back to the point of drawing blood even. LOL... I've been doing a little more thinking. It would be nice to have one around me that would cater to my own needs for pain from time to time. To me, it's the same thing as recieving a great back massage. Next to activities and limits, I can get along fine with anybody who is not trying to control me. I may defer power or control to another, I'm just not talking bedroom or sexual control and power here, over to another. It's up to who does what the best in the relationship. With a sub, I don't mind being the one in control. My single biggest thing, is that nobody controls me. This is something that is deeply weaved into my personality. Because of the crap I went through as a kid. I'm too much of a free spirit and rebel. I will take control or share control, but I will never ever be controlled. Hope this makes sense. There are times, when I feel Dom burn out. I generally like to unwind alone, or simply relax and have a long body massage. I just want to kick back and have a quiet moment, with somebody that is there with me as well. Yes, I do have passive moments. When I am having a passive moment, if somebody attempts to take control of me. I'm a bitch to deal with. I simply will want pampering service, massages, body kissing and what not. She must be capable of soft affection. When I'm on Dom unwind mode, the last thing I want is to give up control. Sometime when I'm in unwind mode, a few people have tried to sieze the moment or take advantage of it. Big Mistake! I go from unwind mode to UBER DOM in 2.5 seconds flat. When I'm in UBER DOM mode, I'm extreme and I'm strick and I don't have time for anybodys bullshit. Think of it like Russia being called the Sleeping bear! You don't want to wake me up. LOL...

Sorry Ladies, for those that think I might make for a perfect sub. You don't want to see me switch into Uber Dom mode. It's not a pretty sight. I become more like a Drill Sargent in Boot Camp. I have thought about perhaps finding a sub that leans towards the side of a no limits slave type, and letting more of the Uber Dom out of me. Keep my normal Dom side at it's normal levels for work and interaction with other people. Then after work is over kicking it up to Uber Dom mode. I've been seriously thinking about this. I have not been with a submissive that wants an Uber Dom yet. This is something I may be willing to explore with the right one. With the type of work I do, It winds me up at times, that I need an outlet. Playing Music has been a great outlet for all this engery. I'm a rather Agressive Guitar player! Some people even call me a Mad man, when they see me play out. I'm the same way when I practive too. It's like I'm on a whole nother level.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 8:44:49 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Perhaps a borderline switch. It's a little confusing at times for me even. I just know that hate being controlled. I will Defer control at times, meaning I will give somebody control, knowing I have the option to take back control any damn time I want to. I'm not into submiting to somebody though. Those who do not respect my deferment and treat it as submission, tend to get bit in the ass at some point in time.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/20/2007 8:51:02 AM >

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 10:57:52 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

The safest one is "Switch".

I have no idea what you mean by that. Seems "switch" is a label or title that no one actually wants to embrace. How does that make it safe, you mean that a switch doesn't have to choose a side and stick to it?

No, not that (re: bold letters above) What I see from the switches that post and in RT.. they "have all the bases covered" They can "do it all" and are the most "open-minded, flexible than those who identify with just one 'box' "
yadda..yadda..yadda..yadda..yadda..yadda..yadda..yadda.. They can become the role that the situation warrants as needed. The little chameleons of the D/s world.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 11:44:05 AM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Perhaps a borderline switch. It's a little confusing at times for me even. I just know that hate being controlled. I will Defer control at times, meaning I will give somebody control, knowing I have the option to take back control any damn time I want to. I'm not into submiting to somebody though. Those who do not respect my deferment and treat it as submission, tend to get bit in the ass at some point in time.

Now this was quite thought provoking to me on a personal level...i have been fighting many things in my mind in direct contradiction with what i want or need. i crave control but find it very hard to give it 100% - a part of me fights to maintain some level of control. It is a wall i am personally trying to break thru...

Because of this struggle - it has been said to me that i have switch tendancies. However, as sure as YOU are of your Dominance, so am i of my submissiveness...
i think it boils down to knowing oneself and finding the right counterpart. Being more complicated narrows ones prospects but it will be so worth it when it happens...in the meantime, playtime is good :-)

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 4:15:08 PM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Perhaps a borderline switch. It's a little confusing at times for me even. I just know that hate being controlled. I will Defer control at times, meaning I will give somebody control, knowing I have the option to take back control any damn time I want to. I'm not into submiting to somebody though. Those who do not respect my deferment and treat it as submission, tend to get bit in the ass at some point in time.

Now this was quite thought provoking to me on a personal level...i have been fighting many things in my mind in direct contradiction with what i want or need. i crave control but find it very hard to give it 100% - a part of me fights to maintain some level of control. It is a wall i am personally trying to break thru...

Because of this struggle - it has been said to me that i have switch tendancies. However, as sure as YOU are of your Dominance, so am i of my submissiveness...
i think it boils down to knowing oneself and finding the right counterpart. Being more complicated narrows ones prospects but it will be so worth it when it happens...in the meantime, playtime is good :-)

This perhaps should make a start of another thread. The difference between TPE and PPE. Thus far, I've been in PPE. Partial Power Exchange relationships. Have not done the full TPE relationship to date. Anyways, in PPE there a percentage of control given up and that is maintained. The areas you have not submited to giving up. I can see where a Dom could over step the bounds to the areas you did not give up, then they find out when you bite then in the ass for it. I think what I expressed is probally more so true to submissives in PPE relationships. Because the Dom is at risk of overstepping things due to their natural Dom tendencies. There are limits to both Dominance and Submission. There are things a submissives life I have no interest in wanting to control or manage. Just because I'm Dom does not mean I want to control everything humanly possible. There are other things I need to devote time and engery towards. This goes back to the concept of Master/Slave training, where the Dom trains the slave/sub to do things a certain way. Where she learns to function and carries out things without being up the Doms ass with a million questions or the Dom has to contanstantly stand over her shoulder 24/7. I have yet to do the TPE thing, or something very close to it. This is another relationship option I have been tossing the pro's and con's around in my head. I know I don't want a relationship to generate more work for me. If I can train somebody and not have to micromanage their ass constantly, perhaps. I'm still exploring things some.

I know the Message boards and the wonderful people on here have been a great help.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 4:30:48 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

I know the Message boards and the wonderful people on here have been a great help.

And i would certainly agree with that

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 4:42:36 PM

hisannabelle

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if masochistic isn't equal to submissive, and dominant isn't equal to sadistic, then how come a sadist dominant with some masochistic tendencies is characterized as a switch? i don't get it. if liking to give or receive pain has nothing to do with liking to give or receive authority (and although sadistic dominants and masochistic submissives are the norm, i still do believe that these things can exist independently), how does that work out? i'm not topping Him when i pinch or bite Him, i'm just pleasing Him by doing the things He enjoys. it's not that i don't like the word switch, it's that i really honest to god do not see how it fits this situation.

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/20/2007 5:16:33 PM

PsyVamp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

What the difference between recieving a back massage and somebody beating on your back? When they both provide pleasure? Just because I'm in a bottom does not make me a switch. Because I really will not simply turn myself over to another desires to excerise sadistic activity as they deem fit. If I pick up a flogger and I'm hitting myself in the Back what the Hell does that make me? I actually do give myself pain from time to time. I don't require another to top me. It's a little confusing being a Sado/Maso Dom. We are not really switchs in the strict sense of the word. For instance If I wanted somebody to whip my back, I would have them do it until I said STOP! Not let them go until they felt like it ending it. I would tell them harder or softer. In short taking the top from the bottom. To me if I were a switch, I would simply let the other person do whatever the fuck they wanted to do, and if it happened to be too much call out a safe word. That would be a True switch senario. I have been up and down this with other people, on posts here. Have talked about it in depth. I was wondering and Question myself, if I were a switch or not. Resulting finally conclusion I'm still a Dom.

I am a Sado/Maso Dominant.
I would have a problem being topped by a sub or a slave. I just cannot get my mind wrapped around that one.
When I want to explore my maso side, I can do it myself, or..as you have even mentioned, play with a switch or a dom.
As far as the sex aspect of BDSM, if I want something rougher, I cannot "play" with a sub/slave - again, I could NOT have them act that agressively towards me, it would probably set me off and somebody would get really offended, or hurt.
However, that is why the good Lord created Doms and Switches...

Dang, now I need to go bite something...or get bitten...
LOL

Mistress Psy *who is very amused*

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