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Dom vs sub activities? - 4/6/2005 9:01:53 PM

lil1v

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As I am fairly new to the "lifestyle" as is my Dom friend, I wanted to come here and ask to make sure I'm on target and to get some others views.

I have ran into several male switches that really enjoy "sub" activities such as anal, bondage, caning.. etc. Most enjoy these activities when they're "subbing".. But I think its also possible to enjoy these from the Dom role, but my Dom friend is having trouble accepting them as Dom activities and thus is having trouble accepting himself as a real Dom. He also can't fathom subbing. So he doesn't know exactly how to work it in.

Do many Dom/mes also enjoy these activities? How do you mesh these activities while remaining in the Dom role? Does the activity determine whether one is which role?

Thanks for any input you can give us.

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 1:06:16 AM

SadistDave

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Whatever you do, don't fall into a trap of labeling any activity as a Dominant or submissive one, except as it relates to each individual relationship.

If a Dominant can enjoy an activity and can retain control of the situation, it would seem that it is not considered a submissive activity to that Dominant. Recieving anal sex is largely thought to be a submissive act, but there are many Dominant women that manage to enjoy it while retaining their dominance.

The act itself is not one of submission, it is the ability to maintain control. A Dominant who recieves pleasure from an act is reversing the mechanics of the situation, and thats about the extent of it. If it is still the submissives role to give the Dominant pleasure, then nothing is lost in the power exchange.

There are also other reasons that Dominants do the things they do. Shaving is usually considered a submissive act. I shave my cock and balls,and the lower third of my pubic hair year round because I am prone to heat rashes. In the hottest summer months I shave my body from ankles to armpits for the same reason. It's not submission, but health concerns that motivate me to do this.

On the other hand, I know one local Domme that delights in having her male submissive whip and cane her whenever he complains that she is too harsh, just to show him that she is tougher than he is. (She is.) Hearing her ask "Is that the best you can do?" while he tries his best to get her to cry out is very un-nerving to him since he outweighs her by 40 pounds. It cements his submission to her.

Remember that everyone has a different idea of what is an act of submission or Dominance. For some people, the act itself is key to their thinking. This is a pretty limited outlook on things, but it comes from lifelong programming and social training. Even in this lifestyle, there is a lot of that to contend with.

I hope some others will chime in on this to give you some other perspectives.

-SD-

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 2:59:38 AM

sweetpettjenny

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quote:

individual relationship.

If a Dominant can enjoy an activity and can retain control of the situation, it would seem that it is not considered a submissive

i feel likes and dislikes are subject to the said two people in a relationship....ive never been in a relationship where my Master has not first tried new things out on himself , before trying on me.

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 4:36:34 AM

Padriag

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I really can't add much to what SD has already said, and said very well. So I'll just concur with his remarks and add this. Its not so much what we do in this lifestyle as how and why we do it. Power exchange is the dynamic that really makes D/s what it is... how you achieve that power exchange is up to the individuals... go with what works for you, don't worry too much about what others are doing.

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 6:28:37 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Also, bottoming or topping for fun in scenes is different than being a dom or sub in a relationship.

That being said, I think there are more switches out there than most realize.

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 1:52:59 PM

BeachMystress

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What makes an act Dominant or submissive is the person in control. I enjoy being fisted. Most see this as a submissive activity. LOL RIIIIIIIGHT, just ask my poor sub with the sore arms after spending the time doing it needed for me to say enough. (*sweet smile* What can I say.. it builds muscle and endurance for them.) I also let my sub be on top a lot of the time during intercourse. I have bad knees and while I love woman-on-top, it just isn't something we can do for more than a short time. I tell him how I want things, faster, slower, hard, soft. The one giving the directions is the one in charge as long as the directions are followed. I'm pretty quick to correct unfollowed directions. Nothing like a quick slap to the side of the head to get someone's attention... :-)

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 8:22:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I have to agree with every one. Be it if I fuck you or you fuck me, what ever matters is your acting on MY wishes. What is more dominant than making someone do something the DOMINANT WANTS:)

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/7/2005 8:26:17 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Here here to MsB about letting him be on top more than her on top cause knee's. I can't be up like that for a long time because it hurts my wrists as I have carple tunnel syndrome.

Side note when I said the comment about fucking it's not all about sex but in the mention of anal and other sexual things it fit best but applies to anything. not just sex

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/8/2005 6:31:25 PM

lil1v

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SadistDave

Whatever you do, don't fall into a trap of labeling any activity as a Dominant or submissive one, except as it relates to each individual relationship.

Thanks so much Dave for your advice and input. It has been very much appreciated.

I also would like to thank everyone else for their input.

You know how things are... when your friends try to tell you something its tainted by their bias of being your friend.. Sometimes its nice to find that others also share your ideas or proclivities.

Thank you all for all your help in this.

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RE: Dom vs sub activities? - 4/9/2005 10:17:12 AM

Archer

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I have contended for years that activities are not dominant or submissive in and of themselves. The motivation behind the activity is what gives it a dominant or submissive bend. If I'm giving oral to someone and my motivation is to instill a feeling of My control over their pleasure or pain then that motivation is dominant. Same thing for any activity I can think of.

I've met some dominant masocists who play that way, "You will beat me this way with this toy for this long and you better make sure I like it!!!!!!!!" That's not submissive in any way shape or form that I recognize.

So you are not alone.

In Leather

Archer

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