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Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 4:10:39 PM   
Texy


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Hiya,
Just a question here. At what point did you know beyond any doubt, that you were ready to serve someone?
Picture if you will: Communicating with a Domme for a week. Daily emails, communication in other venues. I'm upfront, I say I'm too new to know my limits and too new to the lifestyle to serve anyone right now let alone know what I would be looking for. It's just friendly banter and chat. So, let's say, hypothetically of course: The Domme asks, "So what are you looking for in a Domme?" "and I want an answer now." Automatically, the first thing that goes from my brain to my fingers is a line from an old movie, and so I type, "Well, most people say a sense of humor, so I'd have to say breast size." and hit send. By now reading it on the screen, I know my defenses have kicked in and my effort to appear superficial has succeeded! Yes, She leaves the chat, and I've not heard from her since nor have I made any effort to contact Her.
I know it will feel right when I'm ready...I'm just wondering when others knew they were ready to serve that someone? 6 months into the lifestyle? from the start? after a few munches? Timeframe wise that is.
gayle

P.S. If the events laid out here recently happened to You, I sincerely apologize.


I may march to a different drummer, yet I still march.

< Message edited by Texy -- 3/19/2007 4:23:46 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 4:39:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My first dom it was not even a question for me. I was ready because I was into him as much as I was into the shiny new thing called "submission". I did not doubt I was ready, and it just happened. When I went and looked for a serious relationship with a D/s component it took a couple of months to decide if I really wanted to try again. I put a profile up three months later and I found my Daddy soon after that. So I think everyone is different, and I do not know if our answers will be relevant for you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 4:50:00 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		good question because Daddy and i didn't jump right into a D/s relationship when we first chatted and met. we built our relationship as vanillas gradually incorporating the BDSM side to us. it's been 7months now and i guess the "ready to serve" part is still evolving as we grow together.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 5:58:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most people think they are ready two days after they find out about it online.

Most of those people regret that thought and the decision they make because of it.

Took me about a year with my partner.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
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RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 7:37:21 PM   
goodlittlegirl28


Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		the best advice i've been given is to walk slowly, and read voraciously. at some point i think you'll feel more settled and want to serve more than you'll want to block defensively. don't go home and cry on your huge pillow, i doubt anyone will cleave you.

_____________________________

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Love people, not things. Use things, not people.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 8:36:12 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		I had no idea I was getting into the lifestyle for months after I met my former Dom. We had a good companionable vanilla relationship. After we consummated the relationship (four / five months after meeting) we were snuggled in bed and he was running his fingers lightly back and forth across my forehead, and he said, rather absently, "I'll be your gentle Dom." It piqued my curiosity and thus I was slowly introduced to my submission. It worked well for me that way.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to goodlittlegirl28)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/19/2007 9:09:00 PM   
Texy


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone! I've been on collarme for awhile, reading, and I am just now taking some proactive steps to actually talk and will be going to several munches and parties next month. I knew it was a question about each person individually, but was just trying to get a scope of where I am actually fitting in, with this lifestyle.
Thanks again,
gayle

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 7:23:30 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Well I wouldn't want someone who demanded an answer right now even though I had told them I didn't have an answer. I expected doms to be somewhat aggressive but the only one I was interested in is the one who apologized when I told him he was pushing too hard. That's happened a couple of times now, he is always careful to try to find out what in particular was bothering me and he always slowed down and allowed me to feel comfortable. He still does on the rare occasions a problem arises.

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 7:40:51 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Well, all in all, I think you are taking the right general approach...You're aware that you are too new to really know your limits or exactly what you're looking for...except light chant and banter. I'm not so sure that the domme you were chatting with clearly understood that or not, but I think you are probably pacing yourself fairly well.

Best,

MNN

Edited to say: Ugh! Light chat and banter! Unless, of course, you're also looking for a light chanting experience...



< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 3/20/2007 8:25:18 AM >

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 7:55:45 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I guess for me, its kind of like the same sort of thing as having babies and being a parent.  If I really understood what it was about and what I was in for, there's no way in hell I would have done it.  I'm still not ready for that and its been 13 years since my first one. :)

I don't think its the sort of thing one can ever be ready for.  Its just a matter of taking a leap of faith and letting it happen. Read. Prepare. Introspect. Experiment. But, at some point its just a matter of taking that risk and jumping in the deep end, eyes squeezed shut and holding your nose if thats the only way you can do it.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 7:56:14 AM   
Texy


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Thank You both. After this last defense kicked in, I was wondering if I were taking it too slow, or that maybe I was relying on a picture or fantasy I had in my mind of how finding someone would happen, rather than the dynamic that happens in reality. I was just trying to guage my experience.
Thanks again,
g

< Message edited by Texy -- 3/20/2007 7:57:08 AM >

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 8:25:55 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Another thought I had was we all learn and grow at our own unique paces. If you think you're holding youself back at all, perhaps you should explore that a bit...challenge yourself to do a little bit more. The bottom line, tho, is that you must be comfortable at the pace you are going...and by comfortable I don't mean just giving yourself excuses not to grow and expand, but rather satisfied with the pace at which you are progressing. Make sense? Hope so.

Take care,

MNN

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 8:40:53 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Before i met my First Master i had a mentor.  We were friends and after a few months of talking he moved here and we met and he said he suspected i was a submissive when we talked and now we met he knew for sure.  I was not sure what he meant but he gave me some things to read and i realized he was right.  He and his slave trained me and after 8 months i finally met a Master that i wanted to serve but he died. It was 9 more months before i was ready to look again ,and another year before i met my wonderful Master.  Well that is my story.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/20/2007 3:01:34 PM   
raevnn


Posts: 152
Status: offline 		Daddy and I were together almost two years and married for almost a year before he enslaved me.

It's a matter of comfort level, I think, for both parties...

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Ready Yet? - 3/21/2007 4:28:38 AM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Fourteen years. It took me that long from when I got a clue about what I wanted and needed, to when I actually met someone that I felt I could follow. I'm slow and cautious though, overthink things, am very formal, have trouble trusting easily, your milage may vary.

Master Jack's,
Willow

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 15
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