The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes!

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GoddessDustyGold -> The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 2:53:03 PM)
Posting this on the general discussion board so all will feel free to jump in. I know some are shy about entering areas they feel might not apply to them. Hoping I don't get a huge ration on this! I actually started to write this before I left town in March, and decided not to post. But now I have seen two threads (a suggestion for collarme disclaimer regarding sending money and another about descriptive screen names) which bring this back to mind, and I have not seen this aspect discussed before. It is about the other side of money. I receive mail from submissive and slave boys (at least they identify as such) and I note that they really push the fact that they are wealthy, financially stable, have ALOT to offer, etc. I have noted in My profile that I received 6 offers to relocate to beautiful homes in other areas of the country and world within the last year. I have refused these offers. Am I silly for not taking them up on it? I hope not. I don't think so. Because everyone of them has this caveat. They will control the money, own the property, and I would be living under their roof. For Me, at any rate, this goes a long way towards negating a TPE. I do not want to be put in the position (ever) or worrying about My behavior, or whether or not I am taking care of his needs, even before My own, or I might find Myself out in the street. I am not worried about My behavior, as such, but I also don't want to think that there are specific play expectations, or personality expectations placed upon Me because he holds the pursestrings! And I definitely do not want to be considered "disposable eye candy" for someone who wants to have the secret thrill of a kinky sex life! I am not a hard person to get along with. But I do want what I want, and I have always determined that these boys have a serious agenda that does not put the Domina first, and they are using their money, wealth, whatever, to achieve that agenda. I have always said that playtime is earned and playtime is at My whim, when I want it. I spent some time on the phone with one boy who posted his annual income and net worth on his profile. he contacted Me! The first thing I asked him was why he put this info out there? It is optional after all! he admitted he hesitated, but thought it would be a good idea. I told him he should get it off his profile immediately! Then I talked to him for some time about TPE and what it means (in general, and to Me). he has a much better understanding now, and is doing some thinking. he also admitted he had received some mail, and had corresponded with a few ladies who seemed more than willing to go along with his program. "his program"...not the Domina's. I also realize and am willing to make special considerations in a contract for a boy who is overly wealthy. I don't expect him to just hand it all over. But I do exert a certain amount of control. I would never leave anybody broke and on the street. But reasonable compromises to accomodate a TPE are usually not acceptable to these boys. My feeling is that they really want to be sugar daddies, with the BDSM kink being part of the exchange. Nothing wrong with saying you're a "sugar daddy"...just be honest about it, with yourself, and with any Domina you may choose to contact. So along with the names that are overtly sexual, we also have the names that include words like "generous, executive, professional, spoil"... I find Myself being just as careful with these names, as I do with the "oral4hours" boy. I look for compatiblity in interests, and I don't really care about how much money you have. Especially if you want to use that money to get Me to do it your way. How submissive do you need to be if I have to ask you for the credit card? Just a thought to throw out for everyone!

Constructor -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 3:27:39 PM)
Hello GoddesDustyGold, When i get in contact with people putting the money aspect in such a prominent position, i always ask myself why they do this. If i were a sub/slave approaching you, then what i write would be surely directed to show you aspects of me that i think are attractive. Now, if money comes at a foremost position, then this tells me two things: For one that the person clearly thinks that you (or anyone) lay great wealth on personal wealth. I'd not be happy if someone thought that about me <g> Secondly, i think it can show that he person has a low self esteem and maybe even only subconsciously feels that the asserts of his/her personality weight less than a nicely filled wallet. Actually i do not think that living together with someone who has money would neccessarily impose problems in the D/s sense. The situation as you describe it, GoddesDustyGold, sounds to me almost like a business contract. He has money, so he can dictate and "buy" services, i am set back in my freedom as dominant. Yet this contractual situation also offers you the option to negotiate this situation so you can protect your freedom of action. A person that approaches you and plays the money card should have as much understanding that you will make sure that this card can not be used to dominate you. And thus someone serious will, i think, agree to a formal regulation that makes sure money does not interfere with the D/s situation. That would be my hunch how someone would act that is seriously interested in serving you. You are right, i think, that if that does not happen, then the intention is basically to "buy" you and buy a permanently available service under their very terms somehow. I would like to add, that as important money might be, what you write points to a basic thing in BDSM. Many people seem to place functional categories in the foreground. The cold rational of things like "Is my kink met", "Do i have a good life" seem to be paramount over the emotional aspects. My experience is that "relationships" (or however you call living together) that are created from such functional matches are inherently instable. These aspects can easily change, they surely change over time. And in the end, i think deep emotionality is a far more stable base and allows a relationship much better to cope with changes in the lifes of the participants. So what i'd do is, focus on the people who are interested in me, my personality, who i am in the end. And not in what i can do for them. My personal experience is also, that with love and emotions, many things that seem otherwise so solidly settled appear in a different light. I am a rather dominant personality, but more than once love has made me a slave in very literal ways.

AAkasha -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 4:08:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold Posting this on the general discussion board so all will feel free to jump in. I know some are shy about entering areas they feel might not apply to them. Hoping I don't get a huge ration on this! I actually started to write this before I left town in March, and decided not to post. But now I have seen two threads (a suggestion for collarme disclaimer regarding sending money and another about descriptive screen names) which bring this back to mind, and I have not seen this aspect discussed before. It is about the other side of money. I receive mail from submissive and slave boys (at least they identify as such) and I note that they really push the fact that they are wealthy, financially stable, have ALOT to offer, etc. I have noted in My profile that I received 6 offers to relocate to beautiful homes in other areas of the country and world within the last year. I have refused these offers. Am I silly for not taking them up on it? I hope not. I don't think so. Because everyone of them has this caveat. They will control the money, own the property, and I would be living under their roof. For Me, at any rate, this goes a long way towards negating a TPE. I do not want to be put in the position (ever) or worrying about My behavior, or whether or not I am taking care of his needs, even before My own, or I might find Myself out in the street. I am not worried about My behavior, as such, but I also don't want to think that there are specific play expectations, or personality expectations placed upon Me because he holds the pursestrings! And I definitely do not want to be considered "disposable eye candy" for someone who wants to have the secret thrill of a kinky sex life! I am not a hard person to get along with. But I do want what I want, and I have always determined that these boys have a serious agenda that does not put the Domina first, and they are using their money, wealth, whatever, to achieve that agenda. I have always said that playtime is earned and playtime is at My whim, when I want it. I spent some time on the phone with one boy who posted his annual income and net worth on his profile. he contacted Me! The first thing I asked him was why he put this info out there? It is optional after all! he admitted he hesitated, but thought it would be a good idea. I told him he should get it off his profile immediately! Then I talked to him for some time about TPE and what it means (in general, and to Me). he has a much better understanding now, and is doing some thinking. he also admitted he had received some mail, and had corresponded with a few ladies who seemed more than willing to go along with his program. "his program"...not the Domina's. I also realize and am willing to make special considerations in a contract for a boy who is overly wealthy. I don't expect him to just hand it all over. But I do exert a certain amount of control. I would never leave anybody broke and on the street. But reasonable compromises to accomodate a TPE are usually not acceptable to these boys. My feeling is that they really want to be sugar daddies, with the BDSM kink being part of the exchange. Nothing wrong with saying you're a "sugar daddy"...just be honest about it, with yourself, and with any Domina you may choose to contact. So along with the names that are overtly sexual, we also have the names that include words like "generous, executive, professional, spoil"... I find Myself being just as careful with these names, as I do with the "oral4hours" boy. I look for compatiblity in interests, and I don't really care about how much money you have. Especially if you want to use that money to get Me to do it your way. How submissive do you need to be if I have to ask you for the credit card? Just a thought to throw out for everyone! As a femdom I never liked the way money affects power exchange. In my history, if I was to meet a long distance sub from the net for the potential for play, I would pay for it. No matter what he said, or offered. I would pay for my flight, the hotel (never stay at his place), the toys -- everything. I did this because I didn't want there to be any lingering feeling of obligation, and it left me in much more control of the situation. To this day, I feel the same. In any purely personal relationship, I pay for everything -- the phone bill, the toys, everything. If a man is "taking care of all the costs" then I don't like the underlying boundaries that sets. Perhaps it is all in my head. I could definitely see some problems with having a submissive husband who was wealthy or well off and wanted to keep control of everything and was the breadwinner. It would really screw with my head if he had desires to submit that did not match with my moods to dominate, and there was any sense of obligation. When I feel like I am obligated to play, it sucks the femdom energy right out of me. I'm a career woman and always have been, and being self sufficient is something that makes me feel confident and secure. I also love what I do, and the idea of "living a life of luxury" not working while I am supported by a wealthy submissive just turns my stomach. It always make me laugh when a submissive I turned down used the rejected/angry comeback number 3 (right behind, "You must be fat and ugly then" and "You obviously aren't a real domme anyway") which is, "You're just in it for the money I bet." I ended up marrying a man with no money who was right out of college. I make all the money in our household (and like it that way) and he supports my career by managing the money and making my day to day live easier. And submitting to me. Akasha

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 4:48:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In my history, if I was to meet a long distance sub from the net for the potential for play, I would pay for it. No matter what he said, or offered. I would pay for my flight, the hotel (never stay at his place), the toys -- everything. I disagree... For me this would become too expensive to find out I really don't care for him anyway, and he's not the type of submissive I need in my life. There's nothing wrong with this position if you have a lot of money, but unless I were a multimillionaire, I would definitely be bitter about wasting so much money on flights/toys to meet wankers... In fact with all the men with fantasies about being dominated by someone who looks like me, I could fly every week, but that would serve no purpose for me, and would give me no assurance he was a kind/decent/generous human being. In my opinion, men are willing to go to great lengths to play the submissive role, as long as it doesn't cost them anything. I do agree that one should obtain hotel (in traveling person's name/payment), but otherwise, I don't mind him paying for my flight there, or he can fly and pay for hotel to come meet me. quote: To this day, I feel the same. In any purely personal relationship, I pay for everything -- the phone bill, the toys, everything. If a man is "taking care of all the costs" then I don't like the underlying boundaries that sets. Perhaps it is all in my head. Wow, know anyone like you, but a little taller, submissive, and with a penis, lol? It seems I always paid in my vanilla (previous lifetime), but it led absolutely nowhere except for him resenting me for not letting him be "the man" taking care of his woman... They never said exactly you are the way you are because you make more money, but we certainly had arguments and power struggles, and the only power I had at the time was making more money (I don't make a lot, just dated poor). quote: I could definitely see some problems with having a submissive husband who was wealthy or well off and wanted to keep control of everything and was the breadwinner. It would really screw with my head if he had desires to submit that did not match with my moods to dominate, and there was any sense of obligation. With all due respect Ms Akasha, I disagree on this premise... I think a sub is a sub weather he has money or not. My experience, though limited, has taught me that being self centered/obnoxious/topping from the bottom is not at all related to money (or gender I suppose); I certainly haven't had the experience with a wealthy man to say it is a wealth issue, I've only seen it from men who make less money than/same money as I do. quote: I ended up marrying a man with no money who was right out of college. I make all the money in our household (and like it that way) and he supports my career by managing the money and making my day to day live easier. And submitting to me. Akasha This is a case of different strokes... I would not feel like a real Domme if I felt like a slave to my job (and I do love my work) to makes us enough money to live well, and he didn't even have a part time job, no matter what it paid. JMHO, M

ScooterTrash -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 6:44:36 PM)
Just my humble opinion, but it does seem to work better if the Dominant is the breadwinner. In our case, I am the supporter of our poly family and yes, this does give me somewhat of a power advantage, but my Domme partner stays at home and "rules" the castle so to speak over the subs, so she certainly is not left out. She makes sure everyone does what they are supposed to do around the house and works on any projects that were assigned. In return I am not burdoned with many of the little domestic things I would rather not be involved in anyway..lol. We do give the submissives the option of working if they really feel they want to, but they also have to be available to take off work if we, as a group, are going somewhere. It tends to work better, for us anyway, to only have the Dominant(s) work just for that reason, we have the freedom to be able to go and do if I take vacation or a day off to go somewhere. Somehow having a submissive be the one working and/or having the money to support the "family" or even if it was a couple, just seems the wrong way around..but again, that's just the way I see it. If it works the other way, hey, have a blast, I'm glad it does.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 9:36:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold Am I silly for not taking them up on it? I hope not. I don't think so. Because everyone of them has this caveat. They will control the money, own the property, and I would be living under their roof. For Me, at any rate, this goes a long way towards negating a TPE. I would agree that TPE is negated when he explicitly says "I will control the money." I suppose I wouldn't mind it if he wanted to control enough of it to not put self in poorhouse if I happen to be too wreckless with money for his comfort, but controlling all of the money is definitely anti Total power exchange idea (in my view). quote: I do not want to be put in the position (ever) or worrying about My behavior, or whether or not I am taking care of his needs, even before My own, or I might find Myself out in the street. I don't either, but don't know how to avoid worrying about this if the sub has more money. I have tended to shy away from men who state they make much more money than I, but of course that method hasn't worked, so I am very open to trying something different, as long as he is open to TPE... Not you may rule my body, but everything else is off limits. M

SweetDommes -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 10:54:29 PM)
We personally don't care how much money a boy has - we meet on our terms and no others. Between the two of us, we make enough to live on (as we have been for awhile now) and intend to continue doing so. We have been contacted by many who want to pay us, support us, whatever, we have even been contacted by a guy who told us that between him and the rest of his buddies in Europe who were submissive that we could visit any country we wanted to and always have a place to stay, etc ... not our style. I agree with you that if they insist on keeping control of the money that it's a problem - but them having it isn't a problem, as long as they are compatable with us personally. If they have money, that's just a bonus. We're kinda tired of going from paycheck to paycheck as we have been so far [&:] but that doesn't mean that we are going to jump at the chance to Dominate some rich guy just because he's rich ... that would be silly. Personally, we dont' have the money to go visit every single boy that we talk to - we require that they come here (far cheaper for one to travel here than for two to travel there ... and we won't go alone). We don't make them pay for everything while they are here, but they do pay for their travel expenses, and if they don't wish to stay with us, they pay for their own hotel (we have a spare room that the boy can use if he would like to). After that, we tend to split the cost of things - depending on how long they are here (one spent 3 weeks here, one spent 4 days, most of the others were here overnight at most) they buy some groceries ... if they aren't here long enough for that, we don't bother with worrying about cost. We don't play with them during the first visit, so the issue of 'who pays for the toys' doesn't come up until later on for us.

GentleLady -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/7/2005 11:57:25 PM)
I can see where you are coming from GoddessDustyGold. I have even had the marriage clause tossed on the table with the income and the bonus addition that he was old enough that I would easily outlive him to inherit. Fortunately for Me I could also see the hidden agenda that I could receive all this IF I agreed to Dominate him the way he wanted to be and have him indulge in his kink daily. The offer was not to My taste. As a very personal rule of thumb I try and avoid any male who makes more then a certain annual income. Each one that I have interacted with (vanilla or kink) who made more then that figure was not compatible with My personality, values, and attitudes. I have ended up being prejudiced against anyone making over a certain figure. They all seem to operate from the standpoint that they can have whatever they want because of the income. I do agree with BlkTallFullfig that the amount of money and the amount of submission do not have to be linked. They may be though and it is something to be aware of. I am not at all comfortable with the fact that I am not supporting Myself right now but I do know it is only a temporary situation. My submissive has no problem with Me handling the money and has always (so far) checked with Me first about making purchases (unless they were gifts for Me). However, I do need to point out that he is the first male I have ever had a relationship with that was comfortable with Me handling the money decisions so he is not typical of My experiences. GoddessDustyGold....doesn't most of what You are saying relate more to the subject and role of patriarchy in this society then it does to the Lifestyle? Gentle Lady

MasterLexitus -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/8/2005 4:06:09 AM)
I read these messages will some interest. I would also have some serious issues if a rich subbie invited me to Dom her on her dime. However, if there are any rich subbies out there, let us discuss whether we can find some resolution to the issues. [8D]

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/8/2005 6:10:44 AM)
Money is a tangible, physical and easy expression of accomplishment. For those who aren't physically inclined, or able to be at beck and call, money is an easy way to provide things for the ones you want, and an easy way to show your resources. I wouldn't accept gifts unless I was sure it was a gift in itself without expectations, and certainly would expect all such gifts to be put completely in my name. While I don't have a problem with using a slave for finances and letting them be the workhorse, it does make sense to have the future in mind with savings plans and powers of attorneys and all that jazz.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/8/2005 2:21:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentleLady I can see where you are coming from GoddessDustyGold. I have even had the marriage clause tossed on the table with the income and the bonus addition that he was old enough that I would easily outlive him to inherit. Fortunately for Me I could also see the hidden agenda that I could receive all this IF I agreed to Dominate him the way he wanted to be and have him indulge in his kink daily. The offer was not to My taste. snip... They all seem to operate from the standpoint that they can have whatever they want because of the income. Precisley! This is exacly what I am getting at! quote: GoddessDustyGold....doesn't most of what You are saying relate more to the subject and role of patriarchy in this society then it does to the Lifestyle? Gentle Lady Yes, GL, that is a very astute point. Which makes Me wonder why these boys all list Female Supremacy when they are still approaching their desires and their wants from an old-fashioned, patriarchal viewpoint and assuming that they can live the lifestyle as a live-in slave boy without giving up control over this aspect of their life. I will repeat here, that I am always sensitive to the matter of a great deal of wealth, and compromises are always available, especially at the beginning of a relationship. quote: I read these messages will some interest. I would also have some serious issues if a rich subbie invited me to Dom her on her dime. However, if there are any rich subbies out there, let us discuss whether we can find some resolution to the issues. Master Lexitus! roflmao.... quote: I wouldn't accept gifts unless I was sure it was a gift in itself without expectations, and certainly would expect all such gifts to be put completely in my name. Yes, this is another aspect which is also of some concern. I think there are always some expectations. That is the natural human instinct. And I can accept and accomodate that, within My own parameters. In the case of the boys who claim to want 24/7 D/s live-in, but then they want everything to do with assets they bring to be in their name and they continue to keep control of everything in those areas, it sort of leaves Me cold. As I said, some of them actually do not understand why I don't just move in with them! Thank you to everyone who has answered so far, and I hope to see more!

darkslife -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 4:31:56 PM)
I have noticed that this is always a domme thing. My first sub, was so much more wealthy than I ever could be. Hell if I won lotto, I still couldn't match her. I honestly don't care how much money they have, it doesn't create problems unless you want it to. I left her money in her hands (to her surprise I think) and would occasionally give "guidence" on what I thought it should be spent on.

SweetDommes -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 4:51:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkslife I honestly don't care how much money they have, it doesn't create problems unless you want it to. But you are a looking at this from a totally different view - your sub apparently wanted you to have control of the money, but the ones that we have talked to (and others, obviously) have been quite clear that it was THEIR money and while they would give us enough to be "comfortable" - it was still THEIR money and they would retain all control of it at all times.

darkslife -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 5:26:30 PM)
quote: quite clear that it was THEIR money and while they would give us enough to be "comfortable" - it was still THEIR money and they would retain all control of it at all times. Prehaps only until they knew they could trust you? It is my experience that those who are unsure ALWAYS test, usually without even being aware of it. Prehaps this is their test, to see how you handle a sudden increase in income? After all, I was watching a documentary the other night about people who suddenly gained wealth. They almost all lost or spent it all, as they felt overwhelmed by it. LOL, and also in my experience its a rare domme who will admit to not being perfect :P

AAkasha -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 5:36:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In my history, if I was to meet a long distance sub from the net for the potential for play, I would pay for it. No matter what he said, or offered. I would pay for my flight, the hotel (never stay at his place), the toys -- everything. I disagree... For me this would become too expensive to find out I really don't care for him anyway, and he's not the type of submissive I need in my life. There's nothing wrong with this position if you have a lot of money, but unless I were a multimillionaire, I would definitely be bitter about wasting so much money on flights/toys to meet wankers... In fact with all the men with fantasies about being dominated by someone who looks like me, I could fly every week, but that would serve no purpose for me, and would give me no assurance he was a kind/decent/generous human being. In my opinion, men are willing to go to great lengths to play the submissive role, as long as it doesn't cost them anything. I do agree that one should obtain hotel (in traveling person's name/payment), but otherwise, I don't mind him paying for my flight there, or he can fly and pay for hotel to come meet me. quote: To this day, I feel the same. In any purely personal relationship, I pay for everything -- the phone bill, the toys, everything. If a man is "taking care of all the costs" then I don't like the underlying boundaries that sets. Perhaps it is all in my head. Wow, know anyone like you, but a little taller, submissive, and with a penis, lol? It seems I always paid in my vanilla (previous lifetime), but it led absolutely nowhere except for him resenting me for not letting him be "the man" taking care of his woman... They never said exactly you are the way you are because you make more money, but we certainly had arguments and power struggles, and the only power I had at the time was making more money (I don't make a lot, just dated poor). quote: I could definitely see some problems with having a submissive husband who was wealthy or well off and wanted to keep control of everything and was the breadwinner. It would really screw with my head if he had desires to submit that did not match with my moods to dominate, and there was any sense of obligation. With all due respect Ms Akasha, I disagree on this premise... I think a sub is a sub weather he has money or not. My experience, though limited, has taught me that being self centered/obnoxious/topping from the bottom is not at all related to money (or gender I suppose); I certainly haven't had the experience with a wealthy man to say it is a wealth issue, I've only seen it from men who make less money than/same money as I do. quote: I ended up marrying a man with no money who was right out of college. I make all the money in our household (and like it that way) and he supports my career by managing the money and making my day to day live easier. And submitting to me. Akasha This is a case of different strokes... I would not feel like a real Domme if I felt like a slave to my job (and I do love my work) to makes us enough money to live well, and he didn't even have a part time job, no matter what it paid. JMHO, M I'm not sure how being career-minded and ambitious would make me a 'slave' to my job. I've always been one to pursue the limits of things that empower me: beauty, brains, and wealth. I've had more freedom from being wealthy and self employed than I ever had working for a corporation, even at the height of my success. Also, I see no reason to have my partner take on even a part-time job. I make enough money to support us both, and his job is to remove minutia from my life so I can work effectively. He did work for the first year of our relationship, but being right out of college (compared to me with more than 10 years of experience already) the money he was able to earn was inconsequential. At the same time, I was at the point I would want to hire a personal assistant and someone to manage the books; it made perfect sense to just have him take over that role. He also does all of the cooking; it might sound insignificant, but I'd much prefer he had plenty of time to prepare a healthy meal rather than making money and getting home from work at 6pm with no time to do it right. He works about 2 hours a day for my business, and the rest of the day he's taking care of the house. Akasha

SweetDommes -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 5:43:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I'm not sure how being career-minded and ambitious would make me a 'slave' to my job. I've always been one to pursue the limits of things that empower me: beauty, brains, and wealth. I've had more freedom from being wealthy and self employed than I ever had working for a corporation, even at the height of my success. Also, I see no reason to have my partner take on even a part-time job. I make enough money to support us both, and his job is to remove minutia from my life so I can work effectively. He did work for the first year of our relationship, but being right out of college (compared to me with more than 10 years of experience already) the money he was able to earn was inconsequential. At the same time, I was at the point I would want to hire a personal assistant and someone to manage the books; it made perfect sense to just have him take over that role. He also does all of the cooking; it might sound insignificant, but I'd much prefer he had plenty of time to prepare a healthy meal rather than making money and getting home from work at 6pm with no time to do it right. He works about 2 hours a day for my business, and the rest of the day he's taking care of the house. Akasha But not all of us have that luxury Akasha, some of us aren't in fields that we can make that much without having to work 50+ hour weeks.

SweetDommes -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 5:46:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkslife Prehaps only until they knew they could trust you? It is my experience that those who are unsure ALWAYS test, usually without even being aware of it. Prehaps this is their test, to see how you handle a sudden increase in income? After all, I was watching a documentary the other night about people who suddenly gained wealth. They almost all lost or spent it all, as they felt overwhelmed by it. LOL, and also in my experience its a rare domme who will admit to not being perfect :P Well, first, Holly and I are quite open about the fact that we are human and have faults - everyone does. Second, we don't like being tested. If they can handle the fact that we are equals financially, that's fine, but when they tell us that they will 'give' money to us so that we can stay at home all the time, but are clear that we will be living entirely on that allowance and won't be given any other money ever - and that they don't want us to "have" to work ... that sends up red flags all over every damn place. That is not the life for us, and we don't want to get involved with someone who portrays life with him like that, even if it's just "a test."

AAkasha -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 5:48:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I'm not sure how being career-minded and ambitious would make me a 'slave' to my job. I've always been one to pursue the limits of things that empower me: beauty, brains, and wealth. I've had more freedom from being wealthy and self employed than I ever had working for a corporation, even at the height of my success. Also, I see no reason to have my partner take on even a part-time job. I make enough money to support us both, and his job is to remove minutia from my life so I can work effectively. He did work for the first year of our relationship, but being right out of college (compared to me with more than 10 years of experience already) the money he was able to earn was inconsequential. At the same time, I was at the point I would want to hire a personal assistant and someone to manage the books; it made perfect sense to just have him take over that role. He also does all of the cooking; it might sound insignificant, but I'd much prefer he had plenty of time to prepare a healthy meal rather than making money and getting home from work at 6pm with no time to do it right. He works about 2 hours a day for my business, and the rest of the day he's taking care of the house. Akasha But not all of us have that luxury Akasha, some of us aren't in fields that we can make that much without having to work 50+ hour weeks. I understand that. I was just responding to the theme of this thread explaining why I personally could see some problems being in a relationship with a sub if I were not the breadwinner of the family. It has to do with the way my mind works, simply that. If I had met a very successful businessman when I was single, and he was sub and wanted to be the breadwinner completely and have me not work, I wouldn't be happy. I would want to be equal financially, or the breadwinner, or it wouldn't work. I'm a career woman and I like making my own money. Akasha

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/9/2005 7:17:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In my history, if I was to meet a long distance sub from the net for the potential for play, I would pay for it. No matter what he said, or offered. I would pay for my flight, the hotel (never stay at his place), the toys -- everything. I disagree... For me this would become too expensive to find out I really don't care for him anyway, and he's not the type of submissive I need in my life. JMHO, M I'm not sure how being career-minded and ambitious would make me a 'slave' to my job. I've always been one to pursue the limits of things that empower me: beauty, brains, and wealth. I've had more freedom from being wealthy and self employed than I ever had working for a corporation, even at the height of my success. Akasha I'm sorry if I was unclear in my expression, I wasn't passing judgement on your situation. If I could afford it, yes of course he could stay home serving 24/7, but I cannot. I meant that I don't make a ton of money, and don't want to work 40-60hours so we can live comfortably, while he stays home... For me, having to work that hard, would make me feel like a slave to work, and resentful of him staying home you see; this is just my thing, and this is very much about different strokes for different folks. M

MsIce -> RE: The Other Side of Money - No, Not About The Evil Money Dommes! (4/11/2005 11:39:20 AM)
Interestingly enough I have just had this happen to me. Someone was claiming to be a millionaire, and requiring a Mistress. He declared that he would never pay for a Dominant as that would render them less dominant in his eyes. However he used to write long emails with reference to all the things he like. Call me and say Mistress this and that., and expect telephone domination. He was however not in a position to actually offer anything. Still I believe he felt with the lure of the money that I would be seduced. Luckily for me I was able to understand his methodology and he is no more. But for some the lure of the money that might eventuate, only if you play your cards right might well prove their undoing. [image]local://upfiles/104962/037E871F154A4EBFAB8BF1999AC0883A.jpg[/image]

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