RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars" n' "baggage"

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/21/2007 12:09:03 AM

SusanofO

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Thanks for the reply, Feline.

- Susan

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/21/2007 4:09:11 AM

feastie

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Honestly, one person's baggage is another person's battle scar. A behavior or thought may well be baggage to one person, but the next one may see it as a scar and not a big deal. What amazes me is how so many feel that a person can heal themselves completely and without help from another. That's the real fallacy. We all need help and that doesn't necessarily mean a professional. Most times, it just take a partner willing to help another overcome that which has scarred them. Naturally, there are those that just can't get past it, but I do find that it, as with so many things, takes two.

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/21/2007 9:17:53 AM

SusanofO

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Thanks, feastie.
Nice to hear from you.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/21/2007 3:05:19 PM

Vendaval

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Life is not a spectator sport and few people manage to avoid
having scars and baggage. The bottom line is if the old
experiences keep someone's present life from being functional
and enjoyable, then seeking counseling and support is a good
idea. The best scenario is when there comes a point in therapy
and the healing process have progressed enough to let the past
stay in the past while remembering the lessons learned and
how to avoid future mistakes. Of course, that still leaves
room for new mistakes.

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/21/2007 3:38:07 PM

SusanofO

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Wise words, IMO Vendeval. Thanks for replying.

- Susan

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/22/2007 3:25:01 AM

DanceDreaming

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Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

Much like figuring if a particular person is right for a relationship with you,
Figuring if their baggage suits yours is a very personal thing.
It would be very difficult to give any really useful advice even if I really knew you.

We've all got baggage. Those who say they have none, far as I can tell, simply have monumental hubris as part of their baggage. Those who are unaffected by the slings and arrows of misfortune seem strangely distanced from the experience of love, at least from my vantage point. To love, to feel empathy even, is to allow another the ability to hurt you. Even if you are a Dom/me.

As to telling the difference between battle scars and 'baggage' there is no difference. There might be a minor difference in degrees, but the concept is the same. They are the marks that our experiences leave on us; good, bad and neither/both. As to what types and degrees you feel you can handle, it's entirely on you, and your choice. There is not, and never will be anything even closely approximating a right answer here.

Some might be ok with little trust, or little respect, or some very peculiar limitations. What might be weird or freaky to some is normal or unimportant to others. A deal-breaker for you might turn out to be just what I want in a relationship.

I believe someone talked about figuring out what -you- want/need and being clear about it. I agree. I would add that it is important to really work out what it is you want/need, as opposed to what you have been told you -should-. I toss this in because I tend to think this one needs continuous reinforcement, for a lot of, possibly most, people.

< Message edited by DanceDreaming -- 3/22/2007 3:28:41 AM >

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/23/2007 1:35:54 AM

FelinePersuasion

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feasti my x said he needed space and time he couldn't deal with a relationship, and he needed to go to therapy instead of breaking up we negotiated 5 months, limited to severly cut back contact and only having a definate will talk day of on friday. well he was supposed to be going to therapy and taking time for himself to work on things, turns out he never did go. Our deal was 5 months and if there was no improvement we're done.

Turns out he spent all his time mooning after a girl who was supposed to be my best friend, and after acting like a complete asshole and me leaving him, a day or two later they come on and this supposed friend's like sis I didn't mean it to happen, but Norman and I are dating. I say bullshit he was just waiting to move in on her, but good ridance, because norman was a lazy guy who refused to seek imployment never had any money, and always had excuses why he couldn't do labor to earn money.

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

What amazes me is how so many feel that a person can heal themselves completely and without help from another. That's the real fallacy. We all need help and that doesn't necessarily mean a professional.

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/23/2007 3:37:45 AM

feastie

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Feline,

What I was referring to in this portion of my post:

[quote feastie] What amazes me is how so many feel that a person can heal themselves completely and without help from another. That's the real fallacy. We all need help and that doesn't necessarily mean a professional.

[/quote]

are those individuals who believe a person should be able to "get over it" with no assistance from a new partner, since the new partner had nothing to do with whatever "it" is. I don't know many people that come from a relationship completely unscathed and can magically make themselves as bright as a new penny. I've met far too many people that want the bright, new, penny without any effort on their part. I've also met many that consider Thing One and Thing Two baggage and you know, I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck on that one. There ain't no getting over being Thing Mama!

My comments had nothing whatsoever to do with your personal situation, Feline, and I'm sorry you felt that I was somehow posting on your personal situation. As always, what is true for some people is not true for others.

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/23/2007 9:53:42 AM

FelinePersuasion

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It's ok:) I thought maybe cause I said he wasn't getting the help he claimed he wanted a break from us to go get lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Feline,

My comments had nothing whatsoever to do with your personal situation, Feline, and I'm sorry you felt that I was somehow posting on your personal situation. As always, what is true for some people is not true for others.

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RE: Differentiating between "mere battle scars&quo... - 3/23/2007 10:52:12 AM

WhiplashSmile

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All depends upon the type of baggage and Battle Scars.
Let's all face it bad things will happen to us all, it does not mean we are bad people.
There are times when we all do bad things ourselves.
Sometimes, it's good to embrace our hurt, pain, and even our own mistakes.
To keep up grounded in the reality of our own Humanity.
The balance of good and bad in every human, including ourselves.

The biggest thing is not let it consume our life. We can not change the past.
The best we can do is live our life today looking forward to tomorrow.
Today will become part of our past, our future will become our past.
What we do today, will become our future and our past.

We need to accept the good and the bad, embrace it but not dwell upon it.
Battle Scars and Bagge can both be a wonderful thing if we embrace it correctly.
In other words, know how to carry your luggage and not drop it on other
peoples feet. Be aware of the types of wounds and scare you might
inflict upon others, and be aware of the types of wounds and scares
others may leave upon you. Once you've learned to deal with the pain,
you'll better deal with the pain a second time around.

This is just a few thoughts I have on this matter.

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