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Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 5:13:43 AM

FloridaMadam

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Can anyone share any links to working with an Online D/s relationship? Something that has suggustions for both the D and the s.

The relationship started 3 months ago and we agreed to try online and we talk by voice often, but it seems it is not working out even though we care for each. As any couple we have a few issues that we are trying to work out but it seems when we send emails or talk through IM what we are saying comes across not the way we intended it to. We both have misread each others emails and IM's which put us both on the defense. I guess with typing what you are trying to say does not allow the other person who is reading it hear the tone in your voice or see the expressions that go along with what is being said (hope that makes sense to everyone.) He is relocating to my area in the next month or so and we tried the online so that we could see if we are compatible for each other. It just does not seem to be working.

So any ideas from Dom's or submissives/slaves as to what might hold us together until the move.

Thanks all.

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 5:20:37 AM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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Move to more voice and less type. Angel and I went through this as well, though it was a far longer period of time than you had. He and I ran into all sorts of problems when we were online only, and found that a lot of the issues were aleviated when we took al important communication to the phones. Its only another month or so. Email when you have something you need to tell him about to make sure he can be around a phone. Try and kep anything that could be misread out of your messages. When you are trying to determine compatibility, staying online can make it very difficult, becasue of the lack of emotion and expression. If you are seriously concerned about another 2 months needing to be held together, then my suggestion would be voice. However, you are still not going to be able to work mot tings out until you are face to face and can do so. No matter how much you chat online or even on the phone, face to face meetings are always drastically different.

DV

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 8:30:27 AM

SirDominic

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One of the best uses of cell phones is that a number of companies allow anyone within their system to talk to each other for free. My slave and I both use Cingular, a happy coincidence. We can talk for hours and it does not cost us a dime. Since we live over six hours from each other, that phone time is really important to us.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 12:02:52 PM

simply4You

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i don't have any links for You but i would suggest less 'typing' time and more 'talking'. So much is lost in the translation from when You type out Your words, hit send and he opens Your note. At least by talking on the phone, You can hear the changes in their voice. In person, You can see the changes in their body language. If he is moving near You, then i would honestly wait it out until that time. Have a little more patience with each other, both knowing that the written word is no where near as important (at times) as what is spoken or what is seen and heard in person.

i can write with some, who have always been able to read between the lines, so to speak, and know exactly what i'm saying. But, on the other hand, it's not always the same with someOne new. Both end up getting frustrated (happened yesterday with me in fact).

Good luck and hopefully the move will bring You closer together
~ simply_me

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 12:18:22 PM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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I am in a part time online relationship out of necessity because my submissive travels for extended periods of time. It works out fine. The reason for this, though, is we already have an established face to face relationship so we don't have to worry so much about voice inflection and taking things out of context. That's really the problem with starting and pursuing strictly online relationships. It's hard to get to know communication style, jokes and sarcasm when you only have written word and no real life experience to base it on.

I would highly suggest you get that. If you can not do face to face with any regularity or at all, phone would be the next best medium IMO. Use online to supplement your communication, not be the primary method.

The other option is possibly you are hanging on to something that is not meant to be.

If he is moving shortly, though, you will likely be able to tell this better in person than based on IM's and emails.

But, for online communication alone, all I could suggest is to write positively and read positively. When you read something into it and feel yourself getting defensive, stop, take a breath and think if you may be overreacting. Instead of flying off the handle, ask for clarification without being snarky.

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 1:42:23 PM

proudsub

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quote:

Can anyone share any links to working with an Online D/s relationship?

Click "search" at the top of the page, type in "online" and change the options to "topics" and "subject" and you will get a lot of threads on online relationships. Good luck.

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/21/2007 2:51:17 PM

amiciaN

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I don't have any links, but my Master and I chat via video most of the time. We can see and hear each other, so all the facial expressions, voice inflections and body language are all right there. A webcam and headset are vital links in making our long-distance relationship work.

(edited for poor grammar)

< Message edited by amiciaN -- 3/21/2007 2:52:39 PM >

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/23/2007 12:31:01 PM

curiouslyseeking

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Truly not making light of your situation, and I hope all works out well.....

Sometimes, I would think the physical frustration from being in an online relationship may play a part in communication issues...(just a theory,...not a jr. psychiatrist)

I did find this remote vibe that is connected by phone tones/ computer no matter the distance...just another suggestion in the suggestion box for online D/s...

http://www.extremerestraints.com/televibe--phone-internet-controlled-sex-kit_573.html

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/23/2007 2:42:10 PM

littleone35

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A web cam is a good idea. As the saying goes a picture is worth a thousand words. As least you will be able to see each other. They are not that expensive i priced them at Best Buy when i was condisering getting one. Sorry i do not have links. Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/23/2007 3:49:05 PM

MadRabbit

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I personally try to use the phone over the Internet when it comes to communicating with people, long distance or local.

The Internet is a very inaccurate communication tool. It has no tone or expression. The words written in these little message boxes are subject purely to interpretation and with such limited amounts of information, we are left to make nothing more than assumptions, assumptions we have to make to draw some kind of conclusions as to what the person is trying to say, but still dangerous none the less.

Its easy to confuse someone mocking you as them being serious and vice versa. Its easy to think they are being sarcastic when they arent. And even easier to think they are angry when they really arent.

There is no bigger proof to this than these threads on this forum. There is endless arguments and disagreements that spring constantly from misinterpretation.

Many internet conversations have let to nothing but problems simply from miscommunication and misunderstanding that were resolved quickly with a phone call.

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RE: Starting with Online D/s - 3/23/2007 4:52:56 PM

szobras

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Some IM's have voice chat, if you find your phone bills running up.

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