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Second Chances - 3/21/2007 5:29:52 AM

Morghan

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Not once or twice but several times a man has run from the lifestyle (and consequently from me) over the last few years. Almost like clockwork they return with an apology and often a request for a second chance. Sometimes I've granted that second chance and they have at least partially redeemed themselves. Other times they have failed again, within weeks.

What experiences have you had with second chances, how did they turn out, and why? Would you do it again, and why?

Regards,

Morghan

Post #: 1

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 5:33:22 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Oh dear, we were asked the exact question the other day! Seems a common problem!!!!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_893459/tm.htm

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 2

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 5:40:48 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

I don't care how good of a sub he is. If he leaves, there is no second chances.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 3

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 3:54:13 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I rarely give second chances. The sub would have to show a
understanding of both what they did wrong and how to not
do it again in the future. They would be on probationary status
if allowed a second chance.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 4

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 5:04:40 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

But what if he had a really good excuse? Like his dog ate his computer. And he lost all contact information. And he ordered a new computer but there was a part shortage so it took forever to get ready--it was a custom configuration, you see. And then it was shipped but Fedex lost it. There was a plane crash and it was washed ashore on some abandoned island along with a volley ball. And it seemed like it would be quicker to go retrieve the computer from the island rather than wait for a new one to be built. So he set off on that. But he couldn't afford a boat so he had to build one. Gosh, do you know how long it takes to sand those things? Anyway, his boat was too small and it only got him as far as the island. All the glue and duct tape came apart just as he got there. And then he had to stay there for a year waiting to be rescued and with no one to talk to except a volley ball. And boy is he glad to see you. And he accepts full responsibility for his absence because he really should have kept his dog better fed.

I mean, doesn't that merit a little special consideration? ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 5

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 5:18:09 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I didn't bother to answert on the last thread,but I will on this one. Not that I have any preference, but it seems likeI feel like answering now. *Smile*
I have this experience more often than it seems I should, also. If the reason for a cancellation on a meet seems pretty believeable, and I have already invested enough time to have felt I could set up a meet (which was not followed through by the other party, that is),I would probably consider it and set a firm and very quick deadline for another meet. If it is not happening, then I am through.
If it is a matterof already meeting one and possibly beginning to interact on a real timebasis, and then s/he flaked, I probably would not bother. I will always stay open to things on a case by case basis, but, honestly, I have yet to find one that was worth a second chance.
Take that however you will.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 6

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 6:03:23 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I don't do second chances

There is usually a darn good reason why a first time comes to an end. Never have I had a reason to revisit it in order to see if I may have mistaken why the first time didn't pan out.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 3/21/2007 6:04:38 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 7

RE: Second Chances - 3/21/2007 6:48:07 PM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

I can see giving a second chance if both of you called a time-out because things were routine/boring/plateauing/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. Then, after a breather, decided to get back together. I've done that, and while we still didn't stay together, it helped both of us re-focus ourselves and re-evaluate what we wanted. We're still friends and have good times together (nothing sexual/close relationship wise... just friends).

Sometimes, people run because their too scared or nervous, especially if they're experiencing wiitwd for the first time. After they come to grips with whatever personal demon in plaguing them, they may come back to see if they can handle 'it'.

I don't know what your personal circumstances are, but I've had this happen to me: the person I was dating wasn't kinky, but thought they could be for me... and I thought I could be more vanilla for them... both ideas are nice in theory, but neither work in real life. At least, that's been my experience.

Hope this helps

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 8

RE: Second Chances - 3/22/2007 12:00:18 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

I don't give second chances. I used to, but invariably whatever they did wrong the first time, they will do again. There are only two submissives in my world who get second chances and one of them is my personal submissive. He has proved himself over and over again and if he does something that upsets me, I let him know and we move on from there. (Well, there was that one time when I physically punished him, but that was an exception) I'm still not sure why I give the other one second chances. Probably because he's so good at begging?
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 9

RE: Second Chances - 3/23/2007 6:53:53 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morghan

Not once or twice but several times a man has run from the lifestyle (and consequently from me) over the last few years. Almost like clockwork they return with an apology and often a request for a second chance. Sometimes I've granted that second chance and they have at least partially redeemed themselves. Other times they have failed again, within weeks.

What experiences have you had with second chances, how did they turn out, and why? Would you do it again, and why?

Regards,

Morghan

I have been talking to one of the few second chances I give for a few weeks now, we shall see!
Sometimes second chances should be given to those that beg and plead really well!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 10

RE: Second Chances - 3/23/2007 11:37:48 PM

MsRose

Posts: 98
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

But what if he had a really good excuse? Like his dog ate his computer. And he lost all contact information. And he ordered a new computer but there was a part shortage so it took forever to get ready--it was a custom configuration, you see. And then it was shipped but Fedex lost it. There was a plane crash and it was washed ashore on some abandoned island along with a volley ball. And it seemed like it would be quicker to go retrieve the computer from the island rather than wait for a new one to be built. So he set off on that. But he couldn't afford a boat so he had to build one. Gosh, do you know how long it takes to sand those things? Anyway, his boat was too small and it only got him as far as the island. All the glue and duct tape came apart just as he got there. And then he had to stay there for a year waiting to be rescued and with no one to talk to except a volley ball. And boy is he glad to see you. And he accepts full responsibility for his absence because he really should have kept his dog better fed.

I mean, doesn't that merit a little special consideration? ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

Sea, you merit a little special consideration :)

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 11

RE: Second Chances - 3/24/2007 7:52:35 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

I am presently giving someone, dear to me, a second chance. He isn't someone that I want as a romantic partner; but as a slave, who in that realm has great potential. We've known each other for a few years and he's dealing with a lot of inner turmoil of which I'm doing my best to help him deal with. Being that I care for this friend's personal growth, and I know he cares about me as a person as well as his potential long-term dominant, I am willing to work around the quirks and see how things progress this time.

Rosa

< Message edited by RosaB -- 3/24/2007 7:54:04 AM >

(in reply to MsRose)

Post #: 12

RE: Second Chances - 3/24/2007 9:53:49 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

There was another thread on this topic recently, to which I posted in length. The bottom line is that on two occasions I did grant submissives a second chance, and it did not work out in either case.

Despite this, I never say never and the circumstances may arise where I would consider taking back a former submissive. I think it is highly unlikely I would do this, however. Unless the issues which caused the relationship to fail in the first place are addressed, they will resurface again. So before I did this, I would ask myself what had changed so that the relationship will now succeed, where in the past it did not?

Lady Topaz

(in reply to Morghan)

Post #: 13

RE: Second Chances - 5/17/2007 7:00:52 AM

uncollared4u

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

i beleive in second chances , if a mistake has been made some one who is big enough to own up and make an amends is pretty darn good i would say, it all comes down to communication and really openning up and being honest from the onset, i have learned that my fear kept me from being the honest and trustworthy person i am today, a person can change but only if she/he is willing to do so, it is not a hard thing to do

_____________________________

no pain no gain, it takes a strong woman to kick start this slut. whip chains and airOplanes, i love the feel of Your teeth on my flesh...........my favorite quote, whats that? i never saw one of those before

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 14

RE: Second Chances - 5/17/2007 8:42:23 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB269

I don't care how good of a sub he is. If he leaves, there is no second chances.

It depends on the circumstances.

There are countless threads on financial domination, tribute and the link & everyone has their opinion. It's this exact reason I have the process that I do. I am not here a guinea pig and although I enjoy helping someone who APPEARS to be sincere, it's my precious time and energy. The worse feeling in the world is feeling as if you've met the right connection and BAM they disappear. You've just invested all that time and energy just to be left with the feeling that YOU might have done something wrong.

Screw that! Hell no! I've been down this road too many times and OFTEN then carry their little asses back begging for another chance. The excuses are unlimited but the gists of them are;

1) I was too emotionally involved & didn't think I would fall in love with you as a woman. (puke)

2) I had personal family problems I had to take care of. (classic)

3) I was so overwhelmed with the feelings I was afraid I would get lost and lose my identity. (IN YOUR DREAMS DICK WEEK)

4) I don't think I'm worthy of you.

Ok, no problem. I have learned not to invest myself emotionally at first. I keep it at an arm's distance. I make it very clear to keep it all in perspective. They may explore me, my life and yes I'll take the time to train them IF they pay for calls, join my academy site and support my work. If they leave no problem. They can come back and waste my precious time all they want as long as they give me what I want. If enough passes and I think they are serious then I'll consider taking it to the next level but not until they prove to be consistent.

Of course there is always prince amongst the field of toads so you need to carefully keep your eyes open whilst stepping on them toads. Lol

_____________________________

(in reply to DianeB269)

Post #: 15

RE: Second Chances - 5/17/2007 8:46:05 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I am much like others...I did give chances, but have learned that's a time waster. When they flake, they flake big and allowing a return is counter productive.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 16

RE: Second Chances - 5/17/2007 9:45:15 AM

Copulo

Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

That would very much depend on how the relationship was based.
If he/she was my sub but not my lover then I would be very wary about giving him/her a second chance.
If my sub was my lover and I was in love with him/her then I believe that if you love someone enough you will always find room for forgiveness.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 17

RE: Second Chances - 5/17/2007 9:54:54 AM

MiladyElaine

Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

I have had several subs who want to talk, so we talk and IF they make it far enough I'll ask for a photo. If we both like what we see I'll give My address to send another, different photo and tell Me about themselves more.
They disappear only to say "hi - how ru?' about a month later! Thankful for collarme's notes to self, I can come back and say "what happened to you!"

They disappear again or pretend they don't know what I'm talking about and finally get blocked.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to Copulo)

Post #: 18

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