RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive?

RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (Full Version)

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Lashra -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/23/2007 1:06:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub I've been told I was clearly a dominant. Why? Because I told him it's entirely reasonbly for a sub/slave to not submit to a man she isn't attracted to. LOL good for you AquaticSub! I am clearly Dominant and yet I do not expect anyone to submit to me but my sub. Why some Dom/mes feel that ALL submissives must bow to them is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that their shoe size is a higher number than their IQ. [;)] ~Lashra

justinasamerk -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/23/2007 8:02:37 PM)
Geekyboy, this happens to me all the time, and it is rather frustrating. People believe that because i am outspoken, that i am a supervisor in my day to day life, that i can pick up a single tail, paddle or tie up a person in intricant bondage t hat i am a dominant and that i am a Mistress. I find it very insulting, and it is a big damper on my self esteem. I belong to my Master, i wear his collar, i am his girl. He does allow me to "play" with other people because he enjoys watching his girl have her way with others. She doesnt do it because she likes to "dominate" or is a Mistress, she does it because it is a chance to allow her to explore a sexual side without being played with or touched. Master is very protective of his property. On the other hand, its a little upsetting that not many want to play with me, because all they have is the persona of me playing with others, so they don't believe i would want to "submit" or bottom. Its slightly frustrating. Please know you are not alone, all too many times people judge where they believe others should be. and give them lables as to what they are. I try to focus solely on what Master says, but it does hurt when others have an opinion about yourself that is different from your own outlook. Good luck geekyboy, sincerely justina the sweet potato

MadRabbit -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 4:50:21 AM)
There is a difference between "being submissive" and "submitting" and a difference between "being dominant" and "dominating". The first are personality traits. "Being submissive" is usually associated with doctileness, compliance, quietness, shyness and more negative traits like lack of confidence. "Being dominant" is usually associated with confidence (which is a hair or two away from arrogance), assertiveness, directness, stubbornness, and more negative traits like selfishness. "Submitting" and "dominating" are actions. When you submit, you are agreeing to follow and comply with the authority of another person. When you dominate, you are taking authority and agreeing to make decisions and give directions. The paradox is that people can submit without being submissive and people who are submissive can also be really bad at submitting. When I was still completely green to this, I made the mistake of searching for someone who was submissive as opposed to someone who wanted to submit. A few hard knocks have taught me to stop looking at personality traits and focus more on the person's ability and willingness to follow my direction. I've noticed that the people who are all about "being submissive" are the ones who are infatuated with their own fantasies and "Do Me" requests. Dont be one of those people, please, ok? Focus on submitting rather than being submissive. Then all the Mistresses will love ya.

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 6:29:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit There is a difference between "being submissive" and "submitting" and a difference between "being dominant" and "dominating". The first are personality traits. "Being submissive" is usually associated with doctileness, compliance, quietness, shyness and more negative traits like lack of confidence. "Being dominant" is usually associated with confidence (which is a hair or two away from arrogance), assertiveness, directness, stubbornness, and more negative traits like selfishness. "Submitting" and "dominating" are actions. When you submit, you are agreeing to follow and comply with the authority of another person. When you dominate, you are taking authority and agreeing to make decisions and give directions. The paradox is that people can submit without being submissive and people who are submissive can also be really bad at submitting. When I was still completely green to this, I made the mistake of searching for someone who was submissive as opposed to someone who wanted to submit. A few hard knocks have taught me to stop looking at personality traits and focus more on the person's ability and willingness to follow my direction. I've noticed that the people who are all about "being submissive" are the ones who are infatuated with their own fantasies and "Do Me" requests. Dont be one of those people, please, ok? Focus on submitting rather than being submissive. Then all the Mistresses will love ya. What an awesome response and intuitive concept. I most definitely agree with what you posted. Nice to see someone who really gets it. LBO

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 6:38:04 AM)
Im going to throw in my fast 2 cents... if it is mainly submissive females this feedback is coming from, maybe they are hoping you have a Dom streak becasue they would like to serve you? If this was the overwhelming response from Domme women, then Id say there was something about how you come across that is a problem, but you said its mainly the sub females that are telling you this. Take it from who it comes from. You are not acting submissive around them, why would you? You are not submissive every minute of every day in ever conversation. Anyone who thinks thats the definition of being submissive has issues. I couldnt imagine most of the subs I know, male or female, acting that way CONSTANTLY. In conversations, I prefer someone who can speak their mind, not follow because its expected. I dont particularly see that as being a negative label, either. You arent being told you make a bad slave or bad sub becasue your a dominant. At least not by someone who is considering you. I wouldnt worry so much about hat the submissives you chat with are saying, when its the Dommes your hoping to serve who have to think your submissive. DV

Morghan -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 6:45:59 AM)
I realize this post already has a massive thread trailing it but here's my two cents. As a polite, respectful Dominant woman, I've been mistaken for a sub. Not often, but it happens. I've also had to 'prove' my credibility. One boy said to me he didnt think I could dish it out. The next day his opinion was very different! People see what they want to see. A friend once told me that when we first meet someone we each send our ambassadors, not ourselves. Don't change the substance of who you are but recognize that you may be throwing signals that confuse some people. Explain to someone that you may be (as one poster put it) an 'alpha' sub. I'd much rather have someone impressive under my control than someone I might have to apologize for.

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 7:11:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit There is a difference between "being submissive" and "submitting" and a difference between "being dominant" and "dominating". The first are personality traits. "Being submissive" is usually associated with doctileness, compliance, quietness, shyness and more negative traits like lack of confidence. "Being dominant" is usually associated with confidence (which is a hair or two away from arrogance), assertiveness, directness, stubbornness, and more negative traits like selfishness. "Submitting" and "dominating" are actions. When you submit, you are agreeing to follow and comply with the authority of another person. When you dominate, you are taking authority and agreeing to make decisions and give directions. The paradox is that people can submit without being submissive and people who are submissive can also be really bad at submitting. When I was still completely green to this, I made the mistake of searching for someone who was submissive as opposed to someone who wanted to submit. A few hard knocks have taught me to stop looking at personality traits and focus more on the person's ability and willingness to follow my direction. I've noticed that the people who are all about "being submissive" are the ones who are infatuated with their own fantasies and "Do Me" requests. Dont be one of those people, please, ok? Focus on submitting rather than being submissive. Then all the Mistresses will love ya.

OsideGirl -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 8:07:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne All that is required of a submissive is to be polite and exhibit good manners, in general, unless you have consented to be submissive toward a specific Dominant ~ whether that be online, phone or in real life. I disagree with this. It is not only up to the submissive to be polite and exhibit good manners. (And I know quite a few "Doms" that could use a good course on how to be even marginally polite) And next...it's not a requirement of anybody unless you've consented to someone (or something) that says you have to be polite. It's just a good general guideline for everybody regardless of orientation.

Celeste43 -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 11:56:55 AM)
Okay, so you don't fit their fantasy of what a male sub looks like. To someone like that I tend to just tell them that yes I am submissive but I'm not their submissive. Gets it through their head very quickly. However I will agree that there seems to be a presumption that extroverts are dominant and introverts are submissive. And that may be where they are making their mistake.

MsRose -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 3:01:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: geekyboy Why do we have to label at all? What is up with this God-Person? Can I have a hug? I would think that if I'm looking for a submissive, and I'm a dominant, then labels help to identify us so as to avoid confusion. Would be a comedy of errors if I (a dominant) was trying to partner with someone else who also identified as dominant. That's not what I want. I think God has a bad day every once in a while. It happens to the best of us. I'm sorry your encounter was so frustrating. Here's a hug.

subinutah -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 3:27:42 PM)
using fast reply Yes, I get this a lot as well. I have some local sub boi's here who offer me the handcuffs and such, trying to entice me into play - and sex - and i don't get that...

sub4hire -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 3:41:10 PM)
Yes I have. It doesn't bother me, more often than not I know the person saying what they are saying are merely ignorant. If I were a dom, my dominant wouldn't want me. Plus the ignorant person doesn't know the dynamics of our relationship and because of their statements they never will. All it does is make me shun them as potential friends. Really no loss, usually the quality of person making the statements is substandard anyway.

geekyboy -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 4:03:47 PM)
Grins I got hugs! Thanks all, I was going to continue to be me and bugger-off those that don't dig who I am, but gosh-darnit this just cemented that all the more. In new news, I donated my hair. OMG me with short hair?! GASP! Pictures waiting approval.

MasterNdorei -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/24/2007 5:24:53 PM)
If the kind of people you are seeking to serve have no problems with you, then i would suggest ignoring the advice of people critisizing you. However, if you are not attracting the kind of people you want to serve, you may want to take heed of the advice being given. This may not be (dare i say true?) for everyone, but i have found for myself that there are things i can change about me that enhance who i really am, and that in doing so i propell myself into a work of evolution, constant betterment, and that this is who i am. Who i was last month is not who i am today. It is not always in our best interests to hang onto what we think about ourselves. Only you can decide what you need to keep about yourself, and what it is time to let go of. Be Well~* Master's dorei

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 6:35:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne All that is required of a submissive is to be polite and exhibit good manners, in general, unless you have consented to be submissive toward a specific Dominant ~ whether that be online, phone or in real life. I disagree with this. It is not only up to the submissive to be polite and exhibit good manners. (And I know quite a few "Doms" that could use a good course on how to be even marginally polite) And next...it's not a requirement of anybody unless you've consented to someone (or something) that says you have to be polite. It's just a good general guideline for everybody regardless of orientation. Yes, that's what I meant . . . be polite and use good manners, nothing more. And it is a guideline for everyone, but I do think that it would be quite foolish to be impolite and lacking good manners if one is interested in making a good impression especially in public, kinky or not. It has nothing to do with consent. I can't imagine a Dominant wanting a submissive to be impolite and exhibit poor manners before they have consented to be submissive. Nor, could I imagine anyone outside kink encouraging a partner the same. The concept doesn't make sense to me. It just shows a lack of social graces whether be Dom/me, sub or Joe Average. Thanks for your opinion, though, LBO

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 6:37:11 AM)
Never done that to anyone Ross ©º°¨¨°º©

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 6:43:02 AM)
In my first post, I was saying that outside of being polite, a submissive need not follow orders or do anything beyond just being polite until they have consented to submit to a particular individual. Of course, nobody should be forced to submit, so they have opinions. I was referring to an obedient submissive who consents willingly to meet the expectations of a Dom/me that they both have agreed upon. I hope that clarifies what I meant. LBO

Mercnbeth -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 8:38:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: geekyboy Have you (submissive) been labeled as Dominant at a time? No. there are certain folk who have expressed the desire for this slave to BE dominant, or dominate them. "mistaken" for a dominant because of her mannerisms or ways of expression? no. the speech restrictions placed upon this slave by Master might have something to do with it, though.[;)] quote: Is there a threshold of actions that one MUST do to convey their stance in the lifestyle at all times lest they get mis-labeled? unless you want to start referring to yourself at all times as slaveboy or LordDom and even then...some folks still might have their own opinions. quote: Why do we have to label before we speak? Why do we have to label at all? some folks find labels helpful, others don't...some folks use labels as a way of making themselves feel better, or as an attempt to make other's feel bad. we, as humans, assign lables to stuff as a form of communicating our ideas and expressions of self, but we also make the decision to give those labels, or labellers, power over us or not, as the case may be. quote: What is up with this God-Person? stopped by the "Praise The Lord" thread lately??? there are a bunch of opinions there re: God,God-persons, labels. this slave espouses personal relationships with whatever Supreme Being(s) you choose...and also the do-unto-others-as-you-would-have-them-do-to-you philosophy. this slave also doesn't insist on agreement that it's the one-true-way, it just happens to be the way she rolls. quote: Can I have a hug? <<<squeeeeeeeeeeeeeze>>>[:)]

gringuita -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 8:42:15 PM)
I'm a lucky girl... I don't have to think about all those labels. I'm Daddy's, and that's all I really need to know. There are plenty of people with plenty of opinions on what defines different roles in this 'lifestyle' (though, I'm 24/7, I'm still not into that word.. bleh) just do what feels right, find someone to feel with, and it's all really quite wonderful and none of the other opinions will matter anymore.

twistedkytten -> RE: Have you ever been labeled, in a negative tone, that you're a Dominant and not submissive? (3/25/2007 9:56:01 PM)
I have found, that I am usually told I am anything but submissive, a fake, fraud, game player etc. and like many others here it seems to be said by those that seem to need reason for their own ego I assume as to why I do not fall to my knees at their demand.. Please! I have been labeled many things, and while I dislike labels, (I feel labeling something changes it) if I were to have to wear one, those that know me would say I am submissive in nature however to my Master I am His slavegirl.

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