|
LaTigresse -> RE: What's the most boneheaded thing you've ever done? (3/23/2007 2:12:11 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: happypervert
I had a long list of home repair bloopers and practical jokes I played on myself, but some defense mechanism in my memory won't allow me to access it. Good thing -- save me from humiliating myself.
I resemble this statement. I have many, I will get back to you.
Ohhhh, I just thought of one.
New horse, trail ride thru really really rough timber. There are about 10ish people,
I am following the property owner on his horse and his father-in-law on a mule. The rest are all behind me, including one guy I totally despise. Big mouth, thinks he is a professional trainer and knows everything there is to know about horses. Obnoxious ass.
We are facing a very wooded and very steep 40ish foot drop with a small ravine in the bottom. The ravine is about two feet deep and about 4 feet wide with muddy vertical sides.
A good trail horse would carefully slide down the hill on his ass, stop, check out the ravine, step down into then up the other side and carefully climb (with big powerful lunges)up the other side.
My new horse is not an experience trail horse AT ALL. He is terrified. He goes too quickly down the hill, sees the ravine at the bottom, gets scared, catches his foot on a tree root, almost falls down......down hill. I had a vision of him, on his back, stuck in that ravine upable to get back up, and me under him. So I bail by leaping off his back up the hill. This allows him to get his footing and stand back up.
Now, I have two guys that have already cross clear up the hill on the other side yelling encouragement. 7 or so up the hill behind me waiting for their turn, one a big mouth ass hole bellowing "advice" and one very scared horse saying "hell no!"
In my infinate wisdom I think "he (the horse) will follow me anywhere I ask him to" The terrible lightbulb pops on. Sooooo, I unhook the rein from one side of the bridle so I now have a lead rope of sorts, jump down then back up to the other side of the ravine and turn to encourage the horse to follow.
HE WAS! As I turned I saw 1000# of horse, airborne, heading in my direction. I threw myself on the ground and rolled. As I am looking UP at the horse, he is looking down between his front legs with an "oh shit" expression on his face.
That horse practically did the splits to avoid landing on me. I was very lucky, only one hoof grazed my left collar bone, fracturing it.
Not only was I in pain, I still had to climb a 40 foot tangled muddy and very steep hill. The kind you have to climb on your hands and knees.
When I got to the top, there were my two friends on their mounts, one holding my trusty steed in one hand and a cold beer and his reins in another. The other on the mule, had an insulated mug of BV and coke. Yes, drinking while riding thru evil terrain is not uncommon when you are almost in Missouri. Think insulated saddle bags.
Now myself, I usually only carry half frozen bottles of water. But, when I made it to the top of that hill, hot, sweaty and lightheaded from pain, the first thing I saw after the automatic "is my horse okay" was that big mug of BV and coke. Without a word I drank half of it. Knowing the old man like I do it was 2/3 BV and 1/3 coke with a sprinkle of ice. I made it back onto my horse before the BV hit. I do not remember much about the next few hours.
I only remember waking up asleep in the front seat of my truck in pain because I was laying on my left side putting pressure on the fractured collar bone.
I finally made it to the doc for xrays a few days later. He knows me, told me I was very lucky, asked if the shirt survived, and I had to answer no. One new denim shirt torn and stained beyond repair. But, except for a permanent lump on the collarbone I survived just fine.
And yes, that damned horse will still follow me anywhere. Gad I was an idiot that day.
OHHHHHHH!!! I almost forgot! The seven people behind me, including the big mouth professional horse trainer. Declined to take that route and rode back to the house via the dirt road. PUSSIES!!!!
|
|
|
|
