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Padriag -> RE: When should a sub be collared? (4/9/2005 5:41:54 PM)
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There's no absolute answer to this question except that "it depends". When a submissive should be collared depends on...
... whether or not the dominant and submissive have formed a deep enough commitment sufficient in their opinion to make the relationship they want work.
... whether or not the dominant and submissive have learned enough about each other to know they are genuinely compatible for a long term commitment.
... whether or not they've sufficiently explored how much they have in common.
... whether or not they've dealt with their differences and resolved them in a healthy way.
... whether or not they have explored their individual goals enough to know that they have common goals for a relationship and compatable life goals.
Just to name a few.
Some people can do this fairly quickly, but the rule of thumb is that it takes time. How much time is never a definite answer. All I can relate are some of my personal experiences. The fastest I've ever decided about a girl was in September of 1999. I met a young lass from Scotland. The first day we met we talked for a very long time, it was one of the most amazing conversations of my life. By the end of that conversation on that first day I knew I'd ask her to marry me. However, I did wait 6 months to tell her that. We did become engaged (6 months later) but unfortunately she died before we could become married. The time we did have was wonderful. Most of the time I prefer to get to know a girl as friends for at least a month, see how that goes. If things feel right I will "place her under consideration" for about 6 months (six months seems to be an amount of time that works best for me, YMMV). There's no collar at this point but I do focus my attention on her and I expect her to focus hers on me. Its like going steady or being engaged in a way, you've made a commitment to building a serious relationship for the long term, but you aren't there yet. After that, and assuming all goes well, I will collar her as a submissive. At that point we're in a committed relationship but we aren't done yet. I want a slave but I don't believe anyone can just step into the role of being my slave, that takes training and a learning period. For the next year I work with her training her as my slave, and upon completing that successfully she is collared a second time with a slave collar. If she doesn't successfully complete it then the amount of time is extended and we continue to work, or, if either of us feels it isn't going to work either can opt out. That's my method, others do things differently.
In general though I would say anyone who is collared in under three months most likely leaped before they looked. I see it happen a lot, especially with new submissives. Being new in this lifestyle is very overwhelming, there is so much to learn and most new submissives are very eager to learn. Some dom comes along and offers to teach them.... provided they accept a collar first (sometimes they call it a collar of protection). In my not so humble opinion, such "collars" are scams by unscrupulous "doms" just to get in someone's pants.
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