a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find!

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TexasMaam -> a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 10:09:47 AM)
I would have posted this on the health board but since I'm only interested in the Domme/male sub response I'm leaving it here, instead. I know this has been posted before but I haven't seen any ED threads lately so here goes : I've recently become involved with a sub male who has NO problems with ED; he's a few years My senior, but has not had a vasectomy, is intact, with healthy, spicy, salty semen that melts and flows and is absolutely delightful. This healthy male physiology and high libido has been quite a welcome change. When you get to be My age, you find most men over the age of 48 are having trouble with erectile dysfunction to one degree or another; and I gotta tell you it's just been wonderful to have a responsive cock in My hand again. It's been even MORE refreshing to feel it shoot jism 5 feet across My body, too! I'm not knocking those subs afflicted with ED, I'm just opening a forum for discussion since it's been awhile since we discussed it here. There have been quite a few new products developed in the past two years, Cialis, sprays, and new dosage recommendations for the older therapies such as one viagra a day to combat diabetes related ED and a host of other remedies and techniques for coping with the problem. Have you been affected by ED to any degree one way or the other in your BDSM relationship? Do you care whether a sub cums or not? Have you noticed any correllation between vasectomies, such as progressively thick cum, lack of fluidity in semen, and ED? Have any recent diabetes or blood pressure treatments cause you, the sub male, to be affected by ED more than other meds? Have you, the Domme, passed over a sub with ED in favor of one who is not so affected? Anyone have anything new to share on the topic? Just curious. TexasMaam

LadyEllen -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 12:40:28 PM)
Played with one who had total ED. It was disconcerting to be honest - how can one tell if its going well for him too, if there's no reaction? E

LadyPact -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 1:50:03 PM)
No, I don't discriminate based on ED. I can flog the affllicted the same as I can the non-afflicted. Smile All joking aside, I agree with LadyEllen. I have known one that I've played with a couple of times, and if I would continue to play with him, I think I'd like to see him go on some kind of medication to correct the trouble. I'm not in the habit of keeping subs who can't fulfill their obligations. <edited to include slapping the typist for mistakes>

Samwhiplash -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 2:42:05 PM)
Oh... a topic that has in the past been v close to my own heart. As a woman... and a very sexual one at that... to get with a man and find he has ed problems is just crushing :( As a Domme to get with a sub man and find he has ed problems is exactly the same. In fact... discovering personally how common ed is amongst sub men sent me thro a major emotional turmoil. I do particularly enjoy seeing a 'physical' reaction from play. I enjoy knowing my sub is physically enjoying what we are doing.... and in terms of my sub cuming... yes absolutely..... when I say he can :)

cloudboy -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 2:49:26 PM)
I don't have ED with my Mistress, but I do have it without her. Needless to say, this works pretty well for us. What I love about BDSM is how it transcends one dimensional orgasmic sex. It allows me to bond with my Mistress through spanking, bondage, or whatever we do. This helps me avoid ED altogether, b/c I never feel pressure to spurt or that the point of our intimacy is spurting. (Win-win, no pressure situations are GOOD!!) With, her, too, I feel in very, very good hands --- and that trust and comfort level I have with her allows me to be sensual, free, and appreciative --- as opposed to self conscious, worried, and result oriented. (Connectednes is GOOD!!) Lastly, I am just plain hot for my Mistress and her body. Being naked, close, and intimate w/her is like being ensconced in a treasure chest. In sum, raw sexual attraction multiplied by BDSM =s no ED for me at the ripe old age of 42.

LadyEllen -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 4:03:24 PM)
I read my first post again - it appeared a bit of a downer on guys with ED, and I didnt think that was a very helpful impression to leave, especially when as I see it, a lot of it is caused by performance anxiety in the first place, notwithstanding medical conditions of course, which is not going to be helped by me or anyone else making them feel guilty about it. Sorry guys E

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/25/2007 10:35:05 PM)
Subject close to my heart too Yes, its incredibly deflating for the ego when your submissive male is not "bursting at the seams" for you. Can an impotent man be as good a lover - and as loving - as a man without ED? The jury is still out for me. Sex is an expression of love. No sex = what?

LadyPact -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/28/2007 8:38:20 PM)
I have reason to be asking Myself the very same question just now.

pixelslave -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/29/2007 6:02:41 PM)
Ma'am, as you can readily see, the subject of ED is a very personal topic for most. For starters, it's closely linked to the male ego and a man's identity. I suspect that many women also don't wish to publicly acknowledge in a forum such as this that their sub is deficient to some degree or other in this area as well. There's just far too much pride and ego attached to it for open disclosures to occur and for many to openly discuss it. That having been said, I'll share some of my personal thoughts and experiences on the subject. As a submissive, it has always been very important to me to please the woman that I'm with. To that end, from early in my life, I've always felt a great deal of performance anxiety with a new partner. That was likely exacerbated by my mother having shared with me at the age of 17 or 18, her disappointment with my recently new stepfather being a premature ejaculator; something I really didn't need to know (as an FYI such disclosures are also referred to as being a form of covert incest). Needless to say, I'm confident that knowledge only added to the pressure I felt to perform as a young man. Taking my time and getting to know a woman, makes a very great difference in that regard, but can still be a problem in the initial intimate encounters for me until I feel more comfortable and the pressure is no longer consciously in my mind that I need to perform. I should add that, getting an erection has very rarely been a problem, it's ejaculating, that's typically been the difficult issue for me. I often have been very close to ejaculating with a woman during the first time and other times as well, but just couldn't quite get over the edge so to speak. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. I've learned not to care and focus on enjoying the sharing and that helps to relieve the pressure I put on myself. Yet many women at times have seemed to feel disappointed if I didn't have a release. Sadly, it was not because of them or that I wasn't enjoying myself. Again such beliefs apply to both sexes and only serve to add to the pressure. In my early experiences, I also had a relationship with a woman where it was made clear that I wasn't to cum until I was told that it was okay. Even though I no longer felt the performance anxiety that I initially had with her, I'd reach the edge of no return, and be told that I couldn't cum "yet". I learned to stop the sensations I was feeling, holding myself back to wait for her permission. After she'd cum as often as she desired, she'd then tell me it was okay for me to release. The only problem was that by that time, I'd shut myself down so long or deeply that I couldn't bring myself back to the point of no return quickly enough for her tastes and all too often it seemed I couldn't bring myself back to that point at all. [:o] After being taught to hold myself back and wait for her, I found she didn't reciprocate in terms of being patient with me to get things for myself back in gear after what I'd done in learning to hold myself back for her. One just can't turn things on & off like a switch. If they can, I never learned the trick or wasn't properly taught how its done. I often got her off, then went without a release myself, even though I'd been there and ready to spurt, having a difficult time holding myself back, forcing myself to put things in idle while waiting for her permission telling me that it was alright for me to turn things back on again so that I could have a release. I'd like to add that whenever I did have an orgasm during one of these encounters where I'd held back like this, they were never nearly as satisfying as when I'd been free to cum without any restrictions from the start. In my last long term relationship (with my former mistress/spouse), these kinds of experiences were repeated and the training reinforced. I should emphasize that in no way have I ever been a premature ejaculator or impatient with a partner; always providing lots of foreplay to see that she was fully aroused before things progressed to the point we're talking about. Being the recipient of training to hold oneself back like I've described definitely affects their ability to enjoy the act and ejaculate naturally in an uninhibited manner. [8\|] All previous training of this kind which I've experienced is something my new Mistress is working with me to unlearn. I can stay erect for a very long time, but relaxing the right muscles enough once I'm mentally & emotionally feeling as though I've been given total permission to cum, is still difficult for me. In no way is it a case of not enjoying myself, its simply the conditioning I've received doing its normal thing to me. However, it no longer applies and I'm free to cum when my body tells me it would like to. Now to learn to do that again... [8D] - pixel Edited to fix spelling errors

Vendaval -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/29/2007 6:08:49 PM)
ED and PE are both disappointing experiences. I do notice that men who smoke heavily and have poor nutrition are prone to ED and that PE seems to be more related to psychological issues.

TexasMaam -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/31/2007 9:40:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Samwhiplash Oh... a topic that has in the past been v close to my own heart. As a woman... and a very sexual one at that... to get with a man and find he has ed problems is just crushing :( As a Domme to get with a sub man and find he has ed problems is exactly the same. In fact... discovering personally how common ed is amongst sub men sent me thro a major emotional turmoil. I do particularly enjoy seeing a 'physical' reaction from play. I enjoy knowing my sub is physically enjoying what we are doing.... and in terms of my sub cuming... yes absolutely..... when I say he can :) I enjoyed a long term relationship with a sub who had ED; since I orgasm without direct stimulus it really wasn't a catastrophic issue. I just never realized how much I missed a healthy libido and a virile cock until I had a new one to play with! ; ) Ahh Life IS Grand! TM

TexasMaam -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/31/2007 9:47:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave ............... I often have been very close to ejaculating with a woman during the first time and other times as well, but just couldn't quite get over the edge so to speak. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. I've learned not to care and focus on enjoying the sharing and that helps to relieve the pressure I put on myself. Yet many women at times have seemed to feel disappointed if I didn't have a release. Sadly, it was not because of them or that I wasn't enjoying myself. Again such beliefs apply to both sexes and only serve to add to the pressure. In my early experiences, I also had a relationship with a woman where it was made clear that I wasn't to cum until I was told that it was okay. Even though I no longer felt the performance anxiety that I initially had with her, I'd reach the edge of no return, and be told that I couldn't cum "yet". I learned to stop the sensations I was feeling, holding myself back to wait for her permission. After she'd cum as often as she desired, she'd then tell me it was okay for me to release. The only problem was that by that time, I'd shut myself down so long or deeply that I couldn't bring myself back to the point of no return quickly enough for her tastes and all too often it seemed I couldn't bring myself back to that point at all. [:o] After being taught to hold myself back and wait for her, I found she didn't reciprocate in terms of being patient with me to get things for myself back in gear after what I'd done in learning to hold myself back for her. One just can't turn things on & off like a switch. ........ - pixel Edited to fix spelling errors pixel, Another exceptionally well written post, thank you for your reply! Your experience with orgasm denial is not uncommon, and that is exactly the reason I never seriously deny a man his need to cum. On the feminine side of that issue: I spent far too many years unable to orgasm to EVER have someone tell Me not to cum - don't fuck with My orgasms, pardon the pun, because life is MUCH too short! Now that I'm able to enjoy My sexuality again, I would never want it squelched and could never mistreat a sub in that way. I'm thrilled you've found a Mistress who is working to restore your sensitivity by reversing the conditioning - you are a fortunate fellow, indeed. Thanks for the post. TexasMaam

TexasMaam -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (3/31/2007 10:00:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen I read my first post again - it appeared a bit of a downer on guys with ED, and I didnt think that was a very helpful impression to leave, especially when as I see it, a lot of it is caused by performance anxiety in the first place, notwithstanding medical conditions of course, which is not going to be helped by me or anyone else making them feel guilty about it. Sorry guys E Your original post was valid, though, Lady Ellen, it IS VERY difficult to engage a man and read his responses when ED keeps him sexually unresponsive. I was hoping the board might generate a few responses from male subs who could speak to that issue specifically. *So, male subs with ED, how do you communicate your sense of arousal or excitement when your cock no longer responds?* That challenge is what has always fascinated me about men with ED - for a long time it was really interesting and challenging to find ways to get him to communicate without depending on his cock to do it silently FOR him, as most men tend to do. In many ways a man with ED can come to grips with his most basic human nature 'sans cock'; he's forced to find ways to live, pleasure his significant other, and focus on sexuality and sensuality without being preoccupied with his own hardon. In many ways I enjoyed that aspect of his male identity, sans cock. But now that the former ED relationship ended, a new relationship blossomed and I find Myself once again luxuriating in the delightful antics of a rock hard cock, I must say it surprised Me to learn how much I had missed that aspect of the masculine psyche. TexasMaam

submarriner -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 1:41:56 PM)
ED has many causes, and amoung the most common is not physical. Emotion stress, performance anxiety, unfamiliar relationships, can cause erection disfunction. Adjustments to play, penile pumps, and medication can provide adaptation to what would otherwise be disappointing play. As an alternative, other forms of stimulation in the forms of oral sex, or strap-on play can stimulate the Mistress in the absence of functioning anatomy. If you find a play partner that is compatable in all other associations (mind, emotional, social, economic, etc) and physical is the only lacking quality, a visit to his doctor might be all that is required to make the package complete (pun intended). For some men prolonged foreplay is all that is necessary to cure the problem (one that BDSM play usually accomodates). Now that I made this plea for the ED challenged, I wish to state for the record, my personal pumbling works fine, but I do find that many of the techniques for ED can work for those blessed with functional physiology to enhance their normal function.

lateralist1 -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 2:17:34 PM)
The right sub is very important to me. And the right man will be hard for me. Now I am aware of the effects that controlling orgasm can have I will be a lot more careful about doing it. So thankyou for the insight.

Unrepentant1 -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 2:36:18 PM)
I would imagine you wont get too many subs opening up to you on this subject, not something I guy would like to admit too!

LadyPact -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 3:53:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Unrepentant1 I would imagine you wont get too many subs opening up to you on this subject, not something I guy would like to admit too! I would tend to agree with this, even considering there are some who like to be humiliated in relation to the issue. I think that's why more of the women have spoken up on the subject than males. It's a lot harder (oh dang it) to get the boys to come out and talk openly about it.

cloudboy -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 4:23:34 PM)
One thing that brings on ED is talking about it. From now on I'm staying out of these ED threads. They get me thinking, and that's NOT GOOD!!! NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!!

draba -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 6:27:33 PM)
I am a sub with an ED problem. Been that way since my first session. This is something that I have never understood, since I have fantasized about BDSM since puberty. I am now 51 and had my first session at 49. I could not get hard or cum on my first. I tried another Mistress and had similar problems, got hard a little but no cum. This was a double and eventually one of the two has collared me. In time as I got used to her, my cock has responded somewhat. She has tried to use my cock for her pussy but every time it goes soft . Once it did stay hard enough to enter her and then went soft inside. My Mistress tells me not to worry about it. ...Now comes the strange part. I am married and have no problem with my wife. I stay hard for her and make her orgasum several times. I do not always cum, but that is OK since she does. My Mistress always thought it was guilt and has accepted that I go soft on her due to guilt. But being the typical male I had to find out. I arranged for a vanilla encouter with someone and had no problem performing. In fact was able to go a couple of times. ........Perhaps it is performance fear or stage fright? Sometimes I feel I can not stake up to the number of other men that she may have had. You wanted to hear from a sub/slave, now you did. I have tried over the counter supplements and they have help, but I think Mistress has given up on my cock because I have had to service others for her to use and watch.

LadyPact -> RE: a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find! (4/2/2007 6:31:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba I am a sub with an ED problem. Been that way since my first session. This is something that I have never understood, since I have fantasized about BDSM since puberty. I am now 51 and had my first session at 49. I could not get hard or cum on my first. I tried another Mistress and had similar problems, got hard a little but no cum. This was a double and eventually one of the two has collared me. In time as I got used to her, my cock has responded somewhat. She has tried to use my cock for her pussy but every time it goes soft . Once it did stay hard enough to enter her and then went soft inside. My Mistress tells me not to worry about it. ...Now comes the strange part. I am married and have no problem with my wife. I stay hard for her and make her orgasum several times. I do not always cum, but that is OK since she does. My Mistress always thought it was guilt and has accepted that I go soft on her due to guilt. But being the typical male I had to find out. I arranged for a vanilla encouter with someone and had no problem performing. In fact was able to go a couple of times. ........Perhaps it is performance fear or stage fright? Sometimes I feel I can not stake up to the number of other men that she may have had. You wanted to hear from a sub/slave, now you did. I have tried over the counter supplements and they have help, but I think Mistress has given up on my cock because I have had to service others for her to use and watch. Yes, and I thank you very much for your perspective. You have pleased Me in speaking up and sharing with U/us that W/we might learn.

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