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may need help? - 3/25/2007 2:34:28 PM

TechnoDevice

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: Hungary
Status: offline

First of all.
Good day for any viewing my post.
I joined this online community this day (2007 march 25)

Doing this , becouse I need to know as much as possible about Dominants.

I'm asking Subs, how can You be sure, if a person is a Dominant, or not?
What.. makes Your Dominant who he or she is?
I'm new to all this.
And willing to learn.
Yes, I like to know how do Subs see their Masters.

For now, that is all. I will ask some more, infact, a lot more.
I feel sorry for my bad spelling.. Maybe You have noticed it too.
I'm from Hungary, and I just learned english for 2 years, all by my self.
This might explain why I can not spell correctly.

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RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 3:06:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You have to decide whether the other person will be good in a relationship with you or not.

One persons perfect dom is another persons perfect nightmare.

Do yourself a favor and don't make any commitments to anyone for at least six months.

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 6:51:58 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Get involved with your local community and get to know people in the lifestyle firsthand. Internet you have to take with a grain of salt. It can be a gamble online.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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Post #: 3

RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 7:08:54 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

There is never anything for sure in life.One must always, in any relationship listen to that tiny voice in your head.Do not forget that Dominant men are still that..men..reflect first on who you are, and what you seek,and what limits are for you at this moment and time..I would recommend reading as much literature as you can get your hands on that will help you to become more informed..There are many out there that subscribe to D/s, and BDSM..to name a few..The Loving Dominant,Screw the Roses give me the Thorns, SM 101..and sooo many more. An informed, savvy,patient submissive, is one that cannot be taken advantage of...unless this is her/his wish.:0).....I wish you well in your journey..Tempting

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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Post #: 4

RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 7:20:17 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I feel sorry for my bad spelling.. Maybe You have noticed it too.
I'm from Hungary, and I just learned english for 2 years, all by my self.
This might explain why I can not spell correctly.

Welcome to the forums. I just want to say your spelling and your English are excellent, especially for being self-taught.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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Post #: 5

RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 7:40:09 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Welcome to the forums. I just want to say your spelling and your English are excellent, especially for being self-taught.

i totally agree

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to proudsub)

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Post #: 6

RE: may need help? - 3/25/2007 8:28:46 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Just use the good sense your mama taught you

Evaluate a person as you would in the vanilla world. You need your common sense in this just as much if not more than ever.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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Post #: 7

RE: may need help? - 3/26/2007 5:38:42 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

There should, to my mind, be very little difference between the sort of person a submissive would want as a dominant and the sort of person a submissive would want as a:

(primary) lover
dear friend
honored mentor

The same rules of mutual respect, concern and -- even in the third case -- affection should apply, or why the heck should the submissive bother?

Another personal metric of mine is: is this / does this have the potential to be the best relationship I've had to date? I have to be getting a lot out of a relationship in order to surrender the amount of power I have available for exchange. If I'm dealing with the same B.S. I was facing three relationships ago with no more possiblility for progress than I had then, then I react as though I'm simply being bossed around by a jerk. There's a world of difference between that and accepting orders and guidance from my Daddy.

Since you're an aspiring dominant (I just checked your profile -- congratulations and good luck with the new job!), I'll add that once the basic requirements of what makes a person really neat relationship material for me have been fulfilled, I pay attention to the effect they have on me. Certain butch women and men have a sort of ... swagger to them. A confidence that skirts on the edge arrogance or cockiness. It's a certainty of themselves and what comes across as a hunch about me that deserves more research. They don't tell me what I am, they don't act as if they know me ... but it's obvious that they want to and that they want to see if I feel the same way. If I don't, eh ... they're are others. But if I do ... well, that'd be convenient, now wouldn't it?

The local sex-positive community center here offers workshops in flirting. Basics about not being whiny, giving and taking "no" for an answer gracefully, trying to be noticed with your approach without scaring the crap out of your intended -- if you can find a workshop or lecture like this in Hungary I would definitely suggest it.

Good luck!

(in reply to LotusSong)

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Post #: 8

RE: may need help? - 3/26/2007 9:18:32 AM

TechnoDevice

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: Hungary
Status: offline

You are all very helpful, tell You whats my plan for the next few months.
1. Say thank You right away.
2. Read a lot..

As I sad allready I'm in front of a big Q.
Where I live S/M is.. Not known, and never was.
Did never ever had any info regarding all this.
When I came acros it, I had a feeling, some voice telling Me:
Yupp, maybe this answers the question of Your life. Let's checq it out.

So I did.
Seams stupid, but I think evry one has.. a moment in his/her life, when he/she just finds his or her place in life.
Some find it buy getting marryed, or when raising children, or I don't know.

Well, for now that all about what I think.

:) Now comes a small whis list...
Can You give me titles of books, internet links to readable content, that You find useful, and recommend.
If so, let Me have it:)

(and thank You for the godod words on my english)

(in reply to Mustardseed)

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Post #: 9

RE: may need help? - 3/26/2007 9:02:25 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

Books

Wild Side Sex by Midori
Protocols: A Handbook for the female slave by Paul Rubels, Phd
slavecraft by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, Phd; with an afterward (Mastercraft) by Patrick Califia
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Miller & Devon
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine Lizst
The Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine Lizst
Kinky Crafts by Lady Green and Jaymes Easton

Websites

Society for Human Sexuality
Planet Midori
Patrick Calfia
Jack Rinella
Bondage.com
Alt.com
Get Knotted! (link courtesy of petdave)
LeatherDog

Periodicals

Power Exchange Magazine

(in reply to TechnoDevice)

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Post #: 10

RE: may need help? - 3/27/2007 6:03:24 AM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

Welcome to the forums. I just want to say your spelling and your English are excellent, especially for being self-taught.

i totally agree

WELCOME !

To answer your question, I have found myself gravitating for many years to a dominant type of personality. Weeding out the domineering from the dominant; the emotional sadist from a kind yet stern attentive dom was a bit of problem for me, but I have learned much along the way.

Personally, I believe it takes information, discipline, time and knowing yourself and your own needs and wants and desires, and a hell of a lot of self esteem and self confidence.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

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Post #: 11

RE: may need help? - 3/27/2007 11:54:58 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

I feel sorry for my bad spelling.. Maybe You have noticed it too.
I'm from Hungary, and I just learned english for 2 years, all by my self.
This might explain why I can not spell correctly.

Welcome to the forums. I just want to say your spelling and your English are excellent, especially for being self-taught.

I agree and funny enough his spelling mistakes just seem like IRC slang. ( feels so nerdy)

(in reply to proudsub)

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Post #: 12

RE: may need help? - 3/27/2007 12:52:43 PM

TechnoDevice

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: Hungary
Status: offline

Okay, THX imtempting.
well, Mustardseed gave me titles that I will read as soon as I get my hands on them.
Thank You for helping.
It is.. a bit strange.
Like non of You know Me, but You people are helping Me like old friends.
Strange, becouse where I live, is like the typical " We not trust Ya strangers" type of small city.

As far as I see, trust is an unusually strong elemnt of S/M type relations.
Indeed the backbone of all, I think.

Evryone I met in my (short) life are keeping some 5 step distance from each other, even people in love.
(The nature of most human around here... stupid thing, but has its on base...)

Couldn't tell what could be harder...
Trust someone with out any question ( Like Submissives and Slaves do), or become someone who CAN be trusted with out question.
Does remind me of Confucius. A "straight" man do has to be someone who can be well trusted.

Anyway..

Some terms..
Dominant gives it self, I have some.. ideas how should a Dominant, a person who can be trused , who is a lover, and a friend in one
behave. (Well, it is getting a bit cleaner moment by moment, but I know TIME is essential, so as learning more and more to get a better view)

But what abaout Slaves, and Submissives?
How can They be distinguished? What is the base difference? I have some ideas.. But .. When I was young I learned, that if I'm not sure abaout something I should always ask first. That way I can have a confident knowledge, and get a better view.

I don't want to talk bullshit. And yes, I will take My time to learn what ever I need to know. That is why I ask noob questions.

(in reply to imtempting)

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Post #: 13