Dominant & Submissive: what are they?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Dominant & Submissive: what are they?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dominant & Submissive: what are they?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Dominant & Submissive: what are they? - 3/25/2007 8:55:52 PM

belovedbetty

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline

So tell me... what makes a submissive a submissive and a dominant a dominant? How do you know if you're one or the other?

I'm in a "relationship" with a man right now and he identifies as a dominant and when we hooked up I identified as a submissive. He's convinced that I'm not really submissive, I'm not positive he's 100% dominant and we're working out how our relationship will continue (because it will... we both really like each other).

I know that there's no real definition so I guess what I'm really asking is... Dom(me)s: what is it that makes you just know that someone is or isn't a sub and vice versa?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Dominant & Submissive: what are they? - 3/25/2007 9:04:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Do they want their intimate personal relationship to be one in which they have the general ultimate authority? Do they want their intimate personal relationship to be one in which they have transferred the general ultimate authority to the other?

A to Q1 = yes = dom

A to Q 2 = yes = sub

A to Q 1 & 2 = no = vanilla

A to Q 1 & 2 = yes = switch

That's the quick and dirty general version.

And don't confuse "dominant" and "submissive" orientation with "dominant personality" or "submissive personality."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to belovedbetty)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Dominant & Submissive: what are they? - 3/25/2007 9:07:15 PM

belovedbetty

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline

wow... what a great and concise explanation! Thank you so much!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Dominant & Submissive: what are they? - 3/26/2007 4:06:04 PM

hawkwolf7

Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Good answer LA!

One of the reasons this was the "quick and dirty" version is that both questions can only be answered (practically) in the context of dominating or submitting to another person (or group). In other words, what your answer will be depends on who you are answering it about. Moreover, it has been my experience, that just like love, these feelings can change over time.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what labels you apply, (or anyone applies to you), only that it works for both of you. If you and your partner choose to flip a coin to decide who is going to top the scene, then I will applaud.

I believe "freedom from stereo-types" is what makes this lifestyle healthy and interesting.

(in reply to belovedbetty)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Dominant & Submissive: what are they? - 3/26/2007 7:27:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hawkwolf7
I believe "freedom from stereo-types" is what makes this lifestyle healthy and interesting.

If only we were. :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hawkwolf7)

Profile

Post #: 5