No Title- Just Random Humor

No Title- Just Random Humor (Full Version)

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Passion357 -> No Title- Just Random Humor (3/27/2007 12:15:13 AM)
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS... A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Passion357 -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (3/27/2007 12:16:22 AM)
Born a Baptist... Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's yard clutching a rosary preparing to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Passion357 -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/2/2007 10:41:31 AM)
FRIENDS" VS. "SOUTHERN FRIENDS" > > FRIENDS: Never ask for food. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food. > > FRIENDS: Will say "hello". > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. > > FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad > > FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you. > > FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just > being together. > > FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. > > FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you. > > FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. > SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" > > FRIENDS: Are for a while. > SOUTHREN FRIENDS: Are for life.

Vendaval -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/2/2007 2:59:57 PM)
hee hee hee...Thanks for sharing, Passion! [:D]

passionateBBs -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/3/2007 7:33:02 PM)
i'm learning more and more about the msg boards

Passion357 -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/4/2007 11:31:32 PM)
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. Silence took over... and the masochist says: "Meow." Most welcum, Vendaval [:)]

Eldritchdancer -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/5/2007 1:31:02 PM)
There are 3, eight year old boys sitting on a fence across the road from a whore house. Every day they see men go in sad and come out happy. So they go and ask the madame how this is done. She puts them in a room and tells them a woman will be in to explain. Shortly thereafter a beautiful woman walks in. She closes the door and starts undressing, saying nothing. She gets halfway done and the first boy opens the door and bolts from the room. She gets all the way undressed and the 2nd boy opens the door and bolts from the room. She sits on the bed, legs wide open, lips spread, and the third boy bolts from the room as she draws breath to say something. A couple days later the boys meet up again and ask each other why they ran from the room. The first boy says, "I ran cause i was scared". The second boy says, "Me too!". The third boy, in a hesitant tone, says, "My momma told me that if I ever saw something like that I'd turn to stone. And I felt something gettin' hard!"

Hanable -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/5/2007 10:47:25 PM)
lol omg.. talk about random humor.. but its good humor.. thank u.. i needed to laugh.. yahoo hates me.. and its almsot 2 am... i need a nap.. or sleep.. sleep would be good too. H >:)

Passion357 -> RE: No Title- Just Random Humor (4/8/2007 7:30:01 AM)
LMAO [sm=applause.gif] Good one! The 2007 version of I WILL SURVIVE --- SING IT GIRLS!!! At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on... But there you are, another lie, I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French Fry! I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans! Go on now - go, ! Walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4! Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!? Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count??!! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey! It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud! But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs, Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, With a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

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