Fetish...is it just for men? (Full Version)

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SLAVEBOY32 -> Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 4:01:54 AM)

The definition of fetish is as follows, "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression."  A shrink I saw once some years ago when I was trying to get rid of this part of my personality told me women do not get fetishes. Women are just not "programmed that way".  They may greatly enjoy something, but they are not like men. They can go without the fetish object or item and they are OK with it. When it comes to fetishes, I fit the definition above exactly.  I have alot of the typical fetishes associated with this lifestyle. It saddens me to think about that, that no woman will ever have equal desires for my said fetishes. For me, I hate to use this old addage, but it is honestly like pizza. Yeah I'll play without it now and again, cause I'm not gonna turn down playing...lol. And of course sometimes Dommes do not want to be bothered with "dressing" to play, and I underrstand that as well.  Skipping it once in a while I can deal with, but it is just nowhere near as gratifying. 
    So ladies, is this true? Do women simply NOT have fetishes? Does any woman fell she truly has a fetish? if so what is the fetish?



redsky -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 4:30:38 AM)

if we do not have 'fetishes' please explain my *fixation* for shoes & lingerie. i have hundreds of shoes, lingerie... i know they arent 'naughty' fetishes, but still..............

i disagree with your shrink. i think women ARE programmed that way, but until fairly recently it has been a taboo subject.



LadyEllen -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 4:32:54 AM)

I thought Nancy Friday wrote some books on women's fetish interests?

E



Lashra -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 4:43:41 AM)

Women do have fetishes I just think that we aren't encouraged to talk about them. Because we are either (insert sarcasm here) "Madonnas or Whores" ya know. Either we are too modest to speak of such things or a whore doesn't get paid to say whats on her mind. I love biting and the male ass is my favorite place closely followed by shoulders and thighs. I HAVE to bite when I am having sex it is just a given. So I guess if biting is considered a fetish than its mine.

~Lashra



DommeChains -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 6:24:07 AM)

Good grief Charlie Brown!  Oh course women have fetishes.  I personally have a very strong jones for leather...especially leather clothing. 

The degree to which one must have the item, body part or action present in order to achieve sexual gratification varies.  The clinical definition you quote is taken in the context of the patient being unable to achieve any degree of sexual satisfaction without the fetish object present.  Some folks go so far as to not require any human contact except the fetish object or photos of the fetishized (?) body part(s).  However most of us with some type of fetish can happily incorporate it into our sexuality and still be touching that oh so lovely human flesh of another :-).  And we can be female, dominant and fetish lovers too.  Oh my, it is so good to be us lol.



thetammyjo -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 6:27:45 AM)

There was a psychologist who came to CV years ago when I was at Columbia and he talked about what causes fetishes.

He said that studies show that women can have fetishes but they tend to develop much later than men and they also tend to heavily discouraged by society. The result is fewer women with fetishes and less likelihood to discuss them publicly.

Now he was using "fetish" as psychology defines it which is an object/item/part that arouses sexual feeling and is needed for sexual arousal.



petdave -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 6:30:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: redsky

if we do not have 'fetishes' please explain my *fixation* for shoes & lingerie. i have hundreds of shoes, lingerie... i know they arent 'naughty' fetishes, but still............


But (just for clarification, promise!) do you have an actual attraction to them, or are they just accessories? Do you get excited just shopping for shoes, feeling them, seeing them on your feet? Is it important that your partner interact with them in some way? Do they play a significant role in your sexual fantasies? Is it harder to become aroused if you're not wearing sexy shoes?

You can have interests and collections that are sexual in nature without actually fetishizing them.

...dave



undergroundsea -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 9:00:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
I thought Nancy Friday wrote some books on women's fetish interests?


Secret Garden and Forbidden Fruit. Made for some good reading many years ago ;-)

I think her latest is about women and power. However, it is not so much about female dominance as it is about women becoming more empowered to pursue their sexuality.

And she wrote one about men called Men in Love. I went through the table of contents to quickly find my way to some hot chapters. The one on fetishes (was it chapter 8? ;-) ) was the first one I visited. And when I think I had gone through the interesting ones, I began to idly go through others listed in the table of contents. There was one titled sadomasochism. I casually paged my way to it--I did not know what the term was at the time. And that chapter ended up being my favorite!

Cheers,

Sea



Aliya -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 10:56:26 AM)

Valerie Steele wrote a book about fetishism.  She mentioned that women are encouraged by society to express fetishism in different ways than men are.  So less in a sexual sense.

For myself fetish is important to my enjoyment of sex.  Not always neccessary but most of the time critical to achieving pleasure.




Seatonstomb -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 12:31:57 PM)

Weirdest fetish I can recall, was that of a female dentist. This was for the smell of Potasium Cyanate



DianeB269 -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 2:18:06 PM)

I have a handbag fetish....Does that count?



StacyCat -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 3:36:18 PM)

Katherine Gates, in her book about fetishes, made the point that, for a lot of women, it was easier just to shut her entire sex drive and life down rather than deal with the social reprocussions of her sexual feelings.

But, you need not find someone that has the equal longings that you do.  Assuming from your profile you are into latex and leather, that is pretty easy to find, and with a Mistress that understands your needs and wants, you can have an enjoyable relationship.  You probably would not get along with someone who would not wear those, but they need not be a fetishist to be a good partner.

And, yes, I know female fetishists, and I know a few fetish couples that are married to people with the same fetish, so they are out there.



darkinshadows -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 3:51:29 PM)

A genuine fetish leads to a sexual response.  I think it was Em who stated once that women are rarely fetishists and I tend to agree.  I have a couple of fetishes - music, boot blackening and religious iconism.  I will orgasm quite happily in response to any of these.
 
So red, if shoes give you an orgasm and sexual response, then fetish you have!



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 4:54:43 PM)

I have a gag/gagging fetish and can happily incorporate it into my sexual relationship with my sub.

Be well,
Julie



MzMia -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 6:58:26 PM)

Hello slaveboy, I certainly have my fetishes.  I just think most women Dominant or submissive,
don't normally talk them to death or obsess the way many males do. [:D]
I actually have several fetishes when I think about it.
I don't usually think of them as fetishes though, I think about them as activities/or items of clothes, etc.
that my submissive and I will be enjoying.[:D][:D][:D] 
Can you say fetish=dreams made reality?



SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 7:17:12 PM)

Hey I appreciate all the responses, keep them coming everyone. Aliya pretty much hit it on the head for me about the involvement of it with sex. But, just so I am making myself clear, let me ask the women who say they do have fetishes, do you get aroused by such things in a non sexual setting?  Sort of like in the setting petdave mentioned. Myself, if  I am in the mall and see a hot leather whatever outfit for a woman in a store on a hanger, I literally start to salivate more and feel myself getting turned on....LMAO.  Same thing if I see boots etc. These items do not have to be on a woman for it to have an effect on me.



petdave -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 7:17:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
He said that studies show that women can have fetishes but they tend to develop much later than men and they also tend to heavily discouraged by society. The result is fewer women with fetishes and less likelihood to discuss them publicly.


So was the implication that men are more resistant to social stigma, that we don't receive as much because we're expected to be perverts, or that our fetishism is somehow more hard-wired?  [sm=confused.gif]  Because i've sure as hell been discouraged by society, but it certainly doesn't seem to have helped!

...dave



MzMia -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 7:21:18 PM)

slaveboy I have fetishes like nobody's business.[:D]
I have had a terrible toe and foot fetish for a while, I love to look at peoples feet.
If the toes are unusual or pretty, I can't stop looking.
I have to watch myself especially at work, I don't want others to think I am a real weirdo.
I also LOVE a man in a thong.[:D][:D]Especially men with fat asses, don't get me started.
I also enjoy the hell out of porn...you would really be surprised...heh heh
Believe me, I have others also.[:D]



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 7:27:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32

Hey I appreciate all the responses, keep them coming everyone. Aliya pretty much hit it on the head for me about the involvement of it with sex. But, just so I am making myself clear, let me ask the women who say they do have fetishes, do you get aroused by such things in a non sexual setting?  Sort of like in the setting petdave mentioned. Myself, if  I am in the mall and see a hot leather whatever outfit for a woman in a store on a hanger, I literally start to salivate more and feel myself getting turned on....LMAO.  Same thing if I see boots etc. These items do not have to be on a woman for it to have an effect on me.


Seeing someone gagged and helpless on TV and movies has always sparked a "reaction" in me, and I wouldn't consider those situations to be sexual in nature.

Be well,
Julie



DommeChains -> RE: Fetish...is it just for men? (3/27/2007 9:23:00 PM)

You betcha on the leather....especially the leather clothing.  Just walking into a leather or tack shop makes me creamy.



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