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RE: Meeting a Potential Mistress - 3/28/2007 6:00:57 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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I actually think it's apporpriate to bring a small token to a first meet - nothing expensive, but rather something thoughtful - perhaps a paperback book or CD you thought she might like based on conversations you've had, some chocolates if you know she likes them, etc. The root is that it wasn't something grabbed haphazardly at the Wawa on your way to meet the person but rather something that took a little thought and preparation.

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RE: Meeting a Potential Mistress - 3/28/2007 6:12:07 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Have we forgotten she said silver bracelet? Silver is not expensive. It could very well cost about what the meal would cost. Had she said diamond tiara, I'd be concerned. Had she said gold necklace, I'd beconcerned. Silver while beautiful *my all time favorite metal, actually* is by no means expensive.

D~

It isn't the metal that concerns me but the fact that it is jewelry. That can have a lot of meaning for people.

Unless she really knows this woman, she needs to back off of gifts, in my opinion.

If she really knows this woman, then would she need to ask the question?

I'd prefer someone asks me about whether or not they might bring me a gift. It shows both the thought but also the knowledge that until they know me, they shouldn't assume things about me.

Given the use of "gifts" in pro circles some dominant woman might even be offended at the mere offer of a gift or the question "What tribute should I bring?" or something like that.

You may win someone over with a gift and you may push them away with one. It's a risk especially if this is your first time meeting them face-to-face.

I'd had people bring me these gifts and tokens, most frankly were very stereotypical and didn't match me at all. Instead of creating a positive image of that person in my mind it suggested to me that they frankly had not been paying attention when we were talking and that created a negative impression.

Know the person you are meeting with if you want to give them a gift.

On the flip of this, if you are dom who wants gifts or who is asked about them, be honest and direct in your reply. Don't play the "you'll know what's right to do" game or just think it's "obvious". That's cruel and until you have negotiated the right to be cruel, you are being disrespectful to a potential sub.

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RE: Meeting a Potential Mistress - 3/28/2007 10:24:50 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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First date I have neither brought gifts (as a sub) nor expected them (as a Domme). Neither am I very happy with either picking up the tab or having it picked up for Me ... I prefer each pays for their own refreshments. I don't want there to be any false sense of commitment to the future that can sometimes arise from who pays the bill. These are the same "rules" I applied in the vanilla world, it's just a first meeting to assess chemistry. Subsequently, one sub bought BDSM books that I didn't own, these were very much appreciated as Christmas and Birthday gifts, but I would feel uneasy if a sub thought he had to bring a gift on every occasion. That was cemented for Me by one potential sub who insisted on picking up the tab (I gave in reluctantly but graciously), then jumped at the chance to volunteer to assist at a busy bee that was setting up Our Dungeon for parties ... when I trialled him as a sub he simply wasn't physically capable of taking what I enjoy dishing out (medical issues that he hadn't disclosed despite being asked) ... when I explained it was "thanks but no thanks" he came back with "but I paid for the coffee and I helped out here, therefore You should ...". NO! Later he realised the error of his thinking and apologised, but it made Me more sure than ever that I don't want to be put in the position of feeling obligated.

That said, michael, since She has shelled out for your trip there, I agree with the others that suggest that a small gift from your home state would be appropriate. If you can't be sure of what She would like ... go with something that encapsulates you ... so it will always be significant as a reminder of you. I hope the trip goes wonderfully well for you, I remember travelling to my first meeting with He who is now Master to Me ... and that was soooo exciting! And good luck to the OP too, I thought the rose idea since that is your name would be very appropriate.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 23