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RE: Training newbies...? - 3/28/2007 7:41:13 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Oh god I much prefer a submissive with a lot of experience.  They know what the want, know how to express themselves, I don't have to play "go digging for the reason", and in general are a hell of a lot easier to be with than newbies.

Although as LA mentioned, chemistry is what it is and for a relationship, that is far more important.


This flips for the sub looking for the Dom also.. Experience seems to work out better if they know what the want and can verbalize it.

Also for me, getting experience gave me a base level of skills and knowledge to offer my Dom. Domestic, cooking, chauffeur, valet, office management, formal dinner, and so on.. the more i learned, and tried it all out the better i became and the more i had to offer.

i could not expect any one person to know everything to be able to train me personally in all kind of service skills. So i spent my time, while waiting for Mr. RightDom, getting trained in service skills.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/29/2007 5:27:49 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: DefiantFlower

I wonder...do you Doms/Masters prefer to train newbies or would you rather get involved with someone who is more experienced in this lifestyle?

And what makes you lean towards one and not the other?

Neither, for me its not a question of their experience or lack of it that matters most.  What is more important to me is their sincerity and willingness to try and keep trying until they get things right.  Given someone with that attitude I can teach them just about anything.  Beyond that, as others have already mentioned, personal chemistry is also important.  After all, if you aren't attracted to each other, not a lot of motivation to get together in the first place!   But honestly, even with chemistry, if I don't see the sincerity and the willingness to try, all the chemistry in the world won't make up for it.


I agree, whole-heartedly.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/29/2007 7:43:55 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sillygirl09

This is just my opinion but when I read a man's profile and it states he only wishes to meet newbies I tend to think he probably wants that because he could not handle someone with experience. 


I always read that as "Because experienced submissives know I'm full of shit."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sillygirl09)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/29/2007 3:15:25 PM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Oside,

I completely agree with you, I was trying to be as diplomatic as possible so I wouldn't get pounced on.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/29/2007 11:57:40 PM   
MastaMale


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		I would like to have subbie with experience but those are hard to find at my age. And well for newbies majority of them want a Dom Daddy and I am not one of those types. I dont want to be called Daddy right now.

But anyways my biggest fears of those who newbies, is what they teach tem. And it scares me to think of what they could be teaching them espcially for those who say they are experience and are not. Or just the wrong information to prevent them from leaving (I seen this before).

I like newbies because they are willing to try and willing to learn. There is also the fact that you dont have to be as creative since they have never experienced it before. The draw back is that you have to be patient and move slowly even though they are willing. I found that they are usually anxious and not ready to proceed even though they want to. I also love to break in newbies to various forms of play and find out whether or not they enjoyed, its the fun of exploration.

I would love to have an experienced sub because I do not have to explain everything to them. They should already understand there role and what is to be expected of them. They know what they like to do and what they hope to achieve. the drawbacks are, they have expectations knowing what they want, there is a need for some creativity, and they have other ex[eroemce to judge by.

there is the third catagory of those who are vanilla and introducing them to bdsm. I usually hate doing this because majority of them are not interested in the lifestyle but dont mind it in the bedroom.

I think I might have missed some others things but thats as much as I can think of at the moment.


_____________________________

Masta

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/30/2007 3:10:06 AM   
ashnaBW


Posts: 33
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline 		A/all
as a slave one prefers an exzperienced Master 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/30/2007 2:11:03 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have been with newbies and experienced women both .... I have to say the experienced women are easier to train . they have the mindset and after all submission and dominance both are a mindset .... newbies sometimes just don't get the mindset . they have read all the stories and heard alot but thier mind hasn't really opened up to submission in the mind ....
 
I chose a submissive with some experience someone who wanted to honestly be taught how I want things done.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/30/2007 4:57:52 PM   
InTime


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline 		Frankly, it doesn't matter one or the other! If you have a experienced sub, then you have to work out any bad habits they may have had. But then there is a challenge to this also. Most will, given if they say ++# of years as a sub/slave.. they have a clear cut idea of what they've learned. It's almost like you have to treat as a newbie sub. Because all of those habits they've aquired are just the very reason they either asked to be released or were released. In that case it's just like a newbie sub.. 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/31/2007 9:00:06 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I would go for the total opposite. I'd be more confident with a sub who had a bit of experience; for one thing you could ask her what she needed and she'd know and be able to tell you with clarity. Also, if she'd been in the scence long enough to know what she needed, you'd know she was sincere and that she knew enough about the lifestyle to be able to know when she was being treated unfairly, abused, taken advantage of outside of the BDSM dynamic (in other words treated in a non BDSM way).


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Training newbies...? - 3/31/2007 10:31:49 AM   
NightWindWhisper


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't mind either way as my view on "training," is that it really only makes sense to those who desire to train, or be trained.  I don't consider the path that two take in a d/s relationship "training," I consider it the path that both take together and leads to their combined desired end.  It saddens me to sometimes see a couple on a path of explorative fun and affection and years later there they are, at the extreme end of the d/s, bdsm "scene," and yet with a sense of loss of fun and affection.

However many "trainers," from what I have seen are mostly married men who "serial" train.  So perhaps in five years they have five different partners.  If they have intimate contact with or even without condoms their risk of getting one or more sexually transmitted infections rise with each new person in the past chain.  (Condoms do not protect against genital herpes, or venereal warts, though they do help).   And too, some of my fondest memories are rooted in the innocence of a new submissive's shyness and embarassment.  These treasures are like the hymen...once broken, there is no turning back.   There are those who are now so "experienced/trained," that I would never consider them as partners because of risk factors.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/1/2007 3:34:09 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		Focus,
It sounds like after You get them trained You don't want them anymore or as much.
i've seen this happen with Doms before but don't understand it. Could You explain it to me please? If i misunderstood i appoligize in advance.
lil_joy

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/2/2007 4:13:53 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

Focus,
It sounds like after You get them trained You don't want them anymore or as much.
i've seen this happen with Doms before but don't understand it. Could You explain it to me please? If i misunderstood i appoligize in advance.
lil_joy

Lol, not at all!  Training (or teaching) her to satisfy my needs and expectations etc is still part of the growth of our overall M/s relationship.  Key word is *relationship* as D/s or M/s is not something I do for kink or a hobby.  I don't invest my time and resources training my sub just for the exercise then cast her adrift.  But for any relationship to last, you still need that elusive mutual chemistry and that's something I have found difficult to find within the lifestyle.
 
Your choice of phrase almost makes me sound like one of those godawful "doms" who (apparently) train subs for other Doms.... lmao  My Dom needs are (to me) individually unremarkable but collectively are probably fairly unique, as they would be for any other Dom/me.  And teaching her what she needs to know happens to be an experience I thoroughly enjoy. 
 
However, when "training" threads come around, I often find myself disappointed at a perceived insinuation that an untrained sub is akin to a diseased sub (almost) - though I grant that is probably just my perception....  Kinda like the vanilla world and how society can perceive virginity.  Thanks mostly to a few decades of atrocious teen movies, one can forgive the young for thinking their "cherry" is something that needs to be discarded asap in order to be socially acceptable.  And I detect those same underlying tones when training and newbies are mentioned in the same sentence in these threads.  Seems almost everyone prefers previous experience.... <shrugs>
 
But I digress....  I train MY girl as part of OUR relationship - NOT to fill in time till the next one comes along.  What you're probably picking up on is that I've had a few too many shortish M/s relationships when my goal has always been just one long and *monogamous* relationship.  And (whispering) it's not always been I who has ended those relationships.... *gasp* (and lol)
 
Focus.

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/2/2007 6:02:23 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		Focus,
Thank You Sir for the explaination.  i had acctually read the post in question several times over several days with the hopes of seeing it differently because what i saw didn't seem to be the same person i've seen from other posts of Yours.

i started and decided against asking that question many times because i didn't wish to offened and because it's really none of my business.  i really do like to understand things as others see them. i am glad i asked because now i do understand.

It is my believe that the training should never end. Sure it will taper off as one get's to know Master's prefrences but being human we change and grow and with that change and growth Master's prefrences will change. As they change He will train me in those new prefrences.

i can understand the rush during the initial training when One sees the first blush, eyes wide with fear, tremble and so on. Perhaps with an experienced submissive or slave those aren't as easily achieved and certainly after awhile the blushing, fear and trembles will become less. The rewards i think would be greater because You have someone that knows how to please You.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i've seen too many times a Dom wants something until He get's it and then doesn't want it as much and goes to find something shinier and newer.

i'm not sure i'm being clear here. i sure wish i had LA's way with words

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 4:02:14 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I agree that training (and/or learning) is continuous for the life of any relationship - for Dom/me as well as sub.  But there is only one "basic training" per relationship and I don't like
to waste it.... lol 
 
Which is why I have nothing but scorn for those "doms" who laughingly believe they offer a valid service in relieving newbies of their supposed "untrained" tag.  And equally I have expressed my personal disappointment at the greater online community (including subs) who think and often imply "untrained" is undesirable or even a source of shame.  And when it's dom/mes who imply that, the first word that comes to mind is *lazy*!
 
A sub doesn't need a micron of previous experience to please me; she only needs the ability to listen and try her best and I'll fine-tune the rest from there.  Some are fast learners and some aren't - it's all good; and I NEVER give a "crash course"....  :-)
 
You don't need LA's alleged "gift of the gab" - you're doing fine; just be you.  It's human nature to focus on what we don't have and to rarely appreciate what we do - hardly a character flaw restricted to us BDSMers....
 
Focus.

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 4:51:19 AM   
ONEDEMANDINGMSTR


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I enjoy working with newbies as well as experienced. The major difference is the length of time and the steepness of the 'initial learning curve". With a new sub, one not only has to explain and teach the precepts of BDSM, but also what to expect by way of being My sub. The learning curve for an more experienced sub is shorter and shallower because her prior experiences have allowed her to focus more on what My demands are, as opposed to what BDSM is all about.
In either case, there is a level of 'comfort' reached in which most of the 'training' has ceased......and the real 'explorations begin.
I never stop learning about the sub, both as a woman and a submissive. And I also never stop introducing new and different things into the relationship...to keep it fresh and exciting. Making her want more and redefining limits.

Dan

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 5:10:17 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Newbies are trainable and do not have to relearn and be retrained.

The freshness of openmindedness and willingness to focus is enjoyable.

Experienced are fine when it comes to intensity and new approaches on old ventures.

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©

(in reply to DefiantFlower)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 5:18:49 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		AS I grow more older and jaded I find the joy of training a sub ,more work and less fun..Why does one train?.TO suite his needs of course,WE as owners as so different in our needs and wants that even an experienced sub needs to be refitted sorta of speaking..I  guess my role as trainer for other owners has in some way taken some of the fun out of it.In addition as part of a married dom couple it takes a very special slave to meet our needs so when trained to suite we tend to hang on to them for a long while.The newbies journey from an inexperience one to the finished out pleasing slave is worth the effort..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to ONEDEMANDINGMSTR)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 7:30:34 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Of course there's the whole reality that, by the time we're adults, we're already pretty deeply trained on a lot of things.  So the idea that they are fresh and untrained is really a fallacy.

From Steel Magnolias "If you're old enough to achieve puberty, you're old enough to have a past."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Training newbies...? - 4/3/2007 8:41:38 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Of course there's the whole reality that, by the time we're adults, we're already pretty deeply trained on a lot of things.  So the idea that they are fresh and untrained is really a fallacy.

From Steel Magnolias "If you're old enough to achieve puberty, you're old enough to have a past."


This is true. We're trained from the day we're born.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Training newbies...? - 5/11/2007 9:01:53 PM   
BearsBreech


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		I've always found it a great honor to be the first to satisfiy the fantasies of a newbie.
Bear

(in reply to DefiantFlower)
Profile   Post #: 40
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