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Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for those ... - 4/12/2005 1:14:06 AM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings everyone,

Another curious question from me, as I am sitting here and having had another fascinating discussion with one of my Own, I came here to ask for sakes of research and information this question here. It is mainly for those who are in TPE style relationships, such as Master/Slave, or Mistress/Slave. I think it would likely apply to Goreans and Old Guard individuals as well.

How many of those in Master/slave and Mistress/slave relationships would remain in such a relationship if you broke up romantically?

For all those who are slaves to a Dominant, Master or Mistress, would you keep their Collar or your Devotion to them even if they would not be dating or having a romantic relationship?

What about if you had not even a real "Best Friends type" of friendship, but it was more of a commited specific type of relationship and set up. Him or Her Owner, and you submissive/slave. Would you still keep your commitment to Him or Her or would you seek another Master or Mistress?

Did anyone here ever remain with one after such a breakup, understanding that in truth no matter what they were still essentially owned?

Now mind you I'm not speaking about abuse, such is wrong in any way, I'm speaking of Dynamics.
Just something to discuss,

Haya Sierra ---

Post #: 1

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 3:22:10 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I would not... part of the bond I form with a girl is a romantic relationship. So for me that is a large part of the equation. I could also not see it if we were not personally close as friends, as that too is big part of it for me. I did have one girl that I released by mutual agreement because of this very thing, the romance just died. We stayed friends for awhile but even that did not last. I won't go into why, its wasn't really anyones fault, sometimes life puts more stress on a person than they can handle.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 2

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 4:14:14 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

They're inseparable....

Friendship, affection, chemistry, love etc are what sets my girl apart from other fem/subs and why she is my slave. Other than my earliest learning experiences with BDSM, I've never been interested in just a play partner. Once the emotional attachment is gone, the physical relationship is pointless.... To put it in a comparable vanilla sense, very few couples still sleep together once the greater relationship breaks down - and so it is has been with my previous M/s relationsips. We can still be friends but if she's no longer mine mentally or emotionally, I have no need of her physically, either!

Focus50.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 3

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 4:33:07 AM

Constructor

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

To the answer to these question very much depends on the type of relationship i have and what was initially negotiated. Also, i think, that you, HayaSierra, and all of us, have very indifidual ideas what "Master", "Slave" and "relationship mean.

But the question...

I had one TPE style relationship that broke up because my slave turned out too submissive. The base of the relationship was emotional and BDSM, we came together bonding on both elements. During the relationship my slave which was bratty and unruly in the beginning developped a growing desire to fall deeper and deeper in this place. I felt as if she was a "sponge" that sucked up all dominance, all emotions i had. My personal preference, as i liketo be actively dominant, is a partner that offers some resistance to my domination. Let me compare this to a hometrainer situation, where when you set it up in the lowest position, after a short while you have the impression to push into empty air with your feet. Going on with this her emotions for me, the emotional depth vanished. For her i only provided a function, and in the end i was in some sense her slave, in a situation where i was the one filling up her needs without my emotional and BDSM needs getting met. So i decided that this relationship has to end, but we negotiated that once entering slavery she would stay in that long term. I would have gladly kept her if at last she would have been a pleasurable possession for me, but so i decided to give her to an owner that appreciated what and who she was. I used the time of searching and interviewing to discuss things once again, trying to find a solution, but to no avail. So after four months i gave her to a new owner.

In all other cases the persona of my partner was paramount and very predominant over the BDSM aspect. I had one relationship that developed from Vanilla to BDSM, and one that turned vanilla and started out ´with a strong BDSM component. Personally i do not make myself the slave of labels anymore, the emotional base counts and is the main core for me. A BDSM bond to me is no replacement for a non existing emotional bond, and i am very carefull in choosing my partner to see if she is still able to bond emotionally. So when i broke up relationships i almost always kept contact and welcomed a new friend in my life.

Having said that, i would considder a purely BDSM style relationship with the establishment of a rather antique style of enslavement. Yet i think that a slave for this style of relationship is extremely hard to find. The responsibility of this is so high, i would have to guerantuue to this slave to keep her lifelong, as living this slavery would render her almost inoperable in the vanilla world. In this case, there would be no breaking up, the relationship would be definite.

So, i agree with you, Haya Sierra, it is all about the dynamics... and the people involved. I think the utmost is to know what you enter into and then dedicate to building this up and investing in it without second thoughts.

Constructor

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 4

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 4:38:17 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HayaSierra

How many of those in Master/slave and Mistress/slave relationships would remain in such a relationship if you broke up romantically?

For all those who are slaves to a Dominant, Master or Mistress, would you keep their Collar or your Devotion to them even if they would not be dating or having a romantic relationship?

Yes, I would be with the Owner even if we were not in love with eachother.

quote:

What about if you had not even a real "Best Friends type" of friendship, but it was more of a commited specific type of relationship and set up. Him or Her Owner, and you submissive/slave. Would you still keep your commitment to Him or Her or would you seek another Master or Mistress?

I DONT have a "best friends" relationship with the Owner, he is NOT my friend.

quote:

Did anyone here ever remain with one after such a breakup, understanding that in truth no matter what they were still essentially owned?

I stayed with the couple I lived with long after I realized the love was gone on my end.

quote:

Now mind you I'm not speaking about abuse, such is wrong in any way, I'm speaking of Dynamics.
Just something to discuss,

Haya Sierra ---

My relationship with the Owner is based on authority, not love.

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 4/12/2005 4:39:41 AM >

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 5

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 10:24:57 AM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

Emerald had written:

>Yes, I would be with the Owner even if we were not in love with eachother.
>I DONT have a "best friends" relationship with the Owner, he is NOT my friend.
>I stayed with the couple I lived with long after I realized the love was gone on my end.
>My relationship with the Owner is based on authority, not love.

I think you've hit the proverbial nail on the head of what I was wondering with those words. To me those dynamics seem completely seperate to the kink and romantic/friendship relationships, it is still a type of relationship, though I don't know the right word for it and relationship is likely not the most proper way to describe it either. To me it does not mean that there can't be any friendly or romantic feelings involved, in fact plenty of times there can be, but that the "slavery" and willingness to serve is seperate from anything else, and pretty much in those cases paramount. Basically just like having a job in the military --you can like the sergeant, the sergeant can like you, but in the end, he or she is "still" your sergeant, and you are still in the military.

HayaSierra ---

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 6

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/12/2005 10:34:09 AM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

Focus 50 wrote:
>Friendship, affection, chemistry, love etc are what sets my girl apart from other fem/subs and why she >is my slave. Other than my earliest learning experiences with BDSM, I've never been interested in just >a play partner.

*Nods* Understand, though in that case would such an individual (one who truly desires only to serve and be "Owned") be ever considered a play partner. Somehow I still believe that the two are completely seperate. Play partner as a term conjures in my mind a submissive who occasionally comes over one's house for scenes and for specific at times quite short term sessions of sort. They are not really owned in my humble oppinion, even though for the time of their sessions such could very well be true. For me they are all still D/s relationships, but very seperate in their specifics non-the-less.

Haya Sierra ---

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 7

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 4:49:34 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HayaSierra

*Nods* Understand, though in that case would such an individual (one who truly desires only to serve and be "Owned") be ever considered a play partner. Somehow I still believe that the two are completely seperate. Play partner as a term conjures in my mind a submissive who occasionally comes over one's house for scenes and for specific at times quite short term sessions of sort. They are not really owned in my humble oppinion, even though for the time of their sessions such could very well be true. For me they are all still D/s relationships, but very seperate in their specifics non-the-less.

To me, a "play partner" is anyone I'm only sharing the BDSM element of my life with. I understand what both you and Emerald are saying but it's not acceptable to me to be served by someone who doesn't belong to me "mind, body and soul" so to speak - at a monogamous relationship level.

My slave is someone I share virtually all my life with, outside of work anyway, and the structure of our life together is M/s orientated. Actual physical play comprises a relatively small part of the ongoing M/s dynamic. I don't accept I own my slave if she then has another partner to go back home to. BDSM isn't about role play to me, it's how I live my life. As my profile says, D/s can't be all we have in common.... To look at that from another angle, there can be no M/s relationship if D/s (or BDSM) is all we share.

Focus50.

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 8

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 7:51:30 AM

rozynozy

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

I may be new, but I wouldn't stay if there if there was no relationship. Part of all of this is the romance, a big part of it. I don't think it would be the same without it.

Rozy

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 9

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 8:03:50 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rozynozy

I may be new, but I wouldn't stay if there if there was no relationship. Part of all of this is the romance, a big part of it. I don't think it would be the same without it.

Rozy

For a lot of people it's not all about romance, or they enjoy romance and fun random play without romance as well. A lot of people can have fun just playing with friends or trying out a new toy, without being emotionally attached.

(in reply to rozynozy)

Post #: 10

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 8:18:54 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

For me, our relationship is about love and romance, and the M/s dynamic is an integral part of it. Note that word 'integral'...no partitioning...all part of a seamless whole. I know there are those whose relationships specifically preclude emotional bonding, but that could never work for me. My slave is my lover and, hopefully, even more someday. If the blaze we have going now settles down to a steady burn...that will be cool. But if the romantic fire ever goes completely out of our lives, then we'll be done.

Bob

(in reply to rozynozy)

Post #: 11

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 11:12:16 AM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

Our dynamic was not based on romance or sexual attraction. We dicussed things early on in the interview period and concluded that we both understood and desired a dynamic based on her service to me. There is a great deal of affection and even love and we do enjoy sexual relations. As a matter of fact, we're expecting a child in July. Our underlying dynamic, however hasn't changed.
We respect one another based on who and what we are as master and servant. Sex and romantic love are not integral to our interactions. As my girl puts it, "I didn't sign up for love. Yes, it's nice to have, but it isn't why I'm here." Before allowing things to move into a sexually romantic direction, we talked at length about how it might impact our dynamic. Our conclusion was that it could well be problematic if we allowed ourselves to lose sight of what brougt us together. Thus far, that hasn't happened.
We've also structured things in such a way as to reinforce our basic dynamic, which I think helps. She has her own room and her own interests which she is free to pursue when she has time. While I may invite her to my bed on occasion, or she may ask permission to sleep with me, we don't sleep together every night. The background cues which reinforce a romantic coupling are intentionally missing from our daily lives. We maintain a certain amount of formality as befitting our arrangement.
Assuming that we are both operating from an honest understanding of our personal motivations, our dynamic should continue to function well if there should come a time when we are no longer sexually active together. As EmeraldSlave said of her own dynamic, our relationship "...is based on authority, not love." While this may not be true of all, it works very well for us.
Timothy

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 12

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 1:13:02 PM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

DomTimothy wrote about his situation:

This is pretty much how it is in my household. Those submissive do not neccessarely have rights to sleep in my room and my bed, though they may ask/request such, and I may invite one of them. Sexual -- and even sensual - are not a necessity, as Dom Timothy wrote, it is a Relationship of Service and submission first and foremost. All submissives have their own interests for their free time, and none is housed in my room perminantly, nor will be in the future. This gets clarified early in even the most initial of discussions.

Haya Sierra --- who is happy to finally got that site up and running and my signature done :).

_____________________________

Haya Sierra
Haya Of Ka Azdor Estate --
http://groups.msn.com/Domsub/
Basic Information about the Hanian System of D/s

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 13

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 1:17:30 PM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

Constructor wrote about his views:

This is why I asked the question, because I felt there were likely differing and unique views and viewpoints on this. Yes, I am the eternally curious individual -- very much like a cat in that regards. I value and respect everyone's views and am merely learning and gaining understanding in our differences and uniting points

Thank you everyone for replying and continuing to reply. I apologize for slowness in answer occasionally -- I hold multiple jobs between my household and my regular night job. It gets hectic at times.

_____________________________

Haya Sierra
Haya Of Ka Azdor Estate --
http://groups.msn.com/Domsub/
Basic Information about the Hanian System of D/s

(in reply to Constructor)

Post #: 14

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/14/2005 4:22:25 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HayaSierra

How many of those in Master/slave and Mistress/slave relationships would remain in such a relationship if you broke up romantically?

M/s relationships do not have to have a romantic component to them. Many people, myself included, feel that adding romance to the mix dilutes the power differential. I have been in this life for many years and not once have my M/s relationships also included 'romantic involvement.' My owner is my owner. She is not my partner, my lover or my friend. This is different than a relationship between peers and I am very happy that my owner and I keep it that way. I cannot love in a romantic way. It has never ever been something that interested me or something that I was any good at or could relate to. My love for my owner is manifest in my service and submission to Her. She, in kind, expresses her love for me through her ownership of me. This is a different kind of loving, but it is, for me anyway, the most powerful force I can ever imagine existing.

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 15

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/16/2005 7:30:32 AM

slaveanwyl

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline

A/all

i should like to address these questions

first of all i am a slave in the event it is not known already..i see here some names i know from the chat rooms not sure though if W/we ahve spoken..

firstly to HayaSierra as i do not believe a collar ever becomes the slaves property i have a problem in accepting that statement if the slave is not pleasing to her Master then her Master has the right to terminate the agreement at anytime whereas i as slave do not hold that privledge.

if i became unhappy as Masters slave i would seek to mend it in any way that Master saw fit..i am in a TPE relatioinship and as such has not got any rights save the three Master gave me on collaring..

Master and i have a deep emotional contact with each other as well as mental Master can control me with just looks or signals it is that strong but it took time to get that way.. i am in love with him as my Master i do not require him to be my husband .

but if things broke down to the extent it was not healthy for U/us to remain as Master/ slave then i would i think petition for release but then as i am slave and classed as property Master could say no ...and i would indeed have to stay as his slave..i would not run but i know if the event happened Master is a gentleman first and would rather free an unhappy slave than try to keep her..

but i do have to say that there was no love either way when i entered this relationship it was cold hard power exchange two deciding to exchange power for the benefit of both

(in reply to HayaSierra)

Post #: 16

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/16/2005 7:50:16 AM

slaveanwyl

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline

Constructor Sir

i read your reply and have questions relating to it please Sir can you tell me what you see as resistence and what you see as being bratty i am confused by these two elements mentioned.

and when you say the girl was too submissve for you in what respects can a girl be too submissive i understand the concept of making it interesting and challenging the DOM but if the slave constantly challenged Master and did not submit would that not be unhealthy too i can do bratty but i can do total submission as well i know when i can push Master and when to button it.. one look tells me all i need to know but if i had a Master where his no meant maybe or yes i would push all the time to get to yes.. do i make sense Sir ?

so am to understand Sir that you like a girl who will play up,sometimes but can always remember her place..
if i were good always Master would get bored with me but if i was bad all the time he would get rid of me..

with respect
slave anwyl

(in reply to Constructor)

Post #: 17

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/16/2005 8:00:36 AM

slaveanwyl

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline

Focus50

now you mention it M/s is not about role play or being kinky well mine is not i am Masters slave and i am 24/7 most of what i do for Master is not play and not kinky i the slightest most of my service to Master domestic and concerns his well being as my Master stuff like removong his boots and making sure i run his bath small things like sitting at his feet i dont demand anything from him but he places great demands on his slave and its upto Master if i gain any pleasure from sexual activitiys as well some i do soe i dont but i do all service that Master requires of me and toi be honest my pleasure comes fro knowing Master is happy with how i served him..not what with..

i need to serve is all
and i need to be controlled and i need to be allowed to slave

slave anwyl

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 4/16/2005 4:22:13 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveanwyl

if i were good always Master would get bored with me but if i was bad all the time he would get rid of me..

That's a description I totally relate to!

I had a sub who always tried to do exactly what was asked or expected of her without question or complaint and it became as you've described - boring. Though I can appreciate her virtually complete obedience to me in theory, as an ongoing full relationship (though relatively brief), it wasn't working.

Fact is, I've always preferred a sub with a bit of attitude, spirit or mischief about her as it compliments my own dominance, personality and general sense of humour. And it keeps me sharp, too - one never gets to enjoy implementing occasional discipline if it's never warranted.... Sub spirit is to be harnessed and controlled but never broken whereas a full-time brat (which I've yet to meet) would be more work than worth. So it's a matter of finding the right balance for each of us - definitely!

Focus50.

(in reply to slaveanwyl)

Post #: 19

RE: Another curiosity Question... -- this one is for th... - 5/16/2005 10:18:09 PM

SirSTRYKER

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/15/2004
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveanwyl

if i were good always Master would get bored with me but if i was bad all the time he would get rid of me..

I soooooooooo agree with this quote!

_____________________________

B.O.H.I.C.A. (bend over here it comes again.)

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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