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thetammyjo -> RE: confused sub (3/28/2007 6:13:26 AM)
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I've noticed that some people have this idea that being submissive means you shouldn't have opinions or desires or wants -- it can be a real communication killer. They may not even say these things in a general discussion but when they try to communicate those ideas block them.
This idea can come from either doms or subs. In my experience I find when it comes from the sub herself it is a very difficult thing to get over.
One thing you can do is discuss this issue during negotiations. Make this one of the things you bring. Then you both can work on different ways to cope with this issue.
One of the things I do with Fox is I order him to tell me how he feels and what he wants. Then I'm insistant but patient. I offer him various ways to tell me -- writing it down (journaling can be good for the first year of a relationship for this reason), drawing about it, sending me an email, etc. But we always moved away from these distancing strategies to talking face-to-face.
Many people have out of scene time set aside to discuss things.
The key here is that now that you know this is a difficulty for you, you need to bring this up in negotiations then be willing to challenge yourself to get better over time. It will require help though from your dom.
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