a quick question about sullenness and flogging (Full Version)

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masamichi -> a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 8:38:06 AM)

i recently started playing with a Dom friend of mine who was used to the same sub for 5 years. she apparently got pretty sullen and sad looking after being flogged. flogging turns me on so when it does not cross a heavy threshold i am anything BUT sullen. in fact i would say the extent to which i get turned on would make my eyes seem more aggressive. my question is would most men grow used to having an eager woman or do they prefer the beaten dog. is there anything i could do to help him transition to being with someone like me?

Namaste
Kimberly



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 8:57:15 AM)

I dunno, Is there anything you need to do?  Is he having a problem transitioning? 




masamichi -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 9:04:26 AM)

that is a good question. i guess in some ways i just want to help things be smoother. maybe i need to learn when to just step back and let people smoothe out their own roads.

Namaste



hawkwolf7 -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 9:05:53 AM)

Well, everyone is different, but I would prefer someone who got turned on/aggresive than someone who got sullen.  As to what you can do to help with the transistion?  Probably not a thing.  After a grieving period, it will either work for him or it won't.  Just don't attempt to force it into what you want!



masamichi -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 9:13:24 AM)

smiles. thank you very much. i am not trying to force it. sometimes my emotions get the better of me.



Lashra -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 9:21:48 AM)

I prefer someone who gets as turned on by it as I do. I think the "beaten dog" would totally turn me off.

~Lashra



amayos -> RE: A quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 10:10:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: masamichi
my question is would most men grow used to having an eager woman or do they prefer the beaten dog.


Generally, I prefer eager and obedient dogs, but I do prefer the beaten dog if there is a lesson to teach. Pain, tears, soul-shaking sobbing—true remorse for disobedience, and a heartfelt vow to do better is ideal. Anything else digresses into the realm of game playing to me.




sunfleur -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 10:15:29 AM)

does he understand that it's a turn on for you.. and that perhaps after the flogging he can reap those benefits?  that



hawkwolf7 -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 11:47:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: masamichi

smiles. thank you very much. i am not trying to force it. sometimes my emotions get the better of me.


Exactly. You apparently like him and he's probably hurting still (assuming he's still grieving). How not?

I would recommend getting smart about the stages of grief and how "not yourself" it can make you. If you choose to go with him on this roller-coaster ride, knowing that there's no telling where he may end up, then that's cool.

Just make an informed choice, using your heart and your head.

Best of luck,
HawkWolf



PONYSEEKER -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 3:20:38 PM)

I prefer one that gets turned on... cant really stand the beaten dog type.  I cant imagine becaues of my perspective why he would have problems but I dont see any way that you could help him with the transition.  5 years is not really a lot of time to spend with someone.  I think that if the guy was really into you he would adapt or in a domly way not care.  If he wants to give you the beaten dog look I am sure can find some other method of doing it... also I have seen where woman get really excited then when they start going to subspace get that beaten dog look. I know that I get incredibly tuned into the sub and how she looks and behaves which is a guide that tell me if I am getting too rough or too mild... I take note of everything.  When changing subs a Dom has to get use to the new subs facial expressions and body language.  Because you are new, he might feel kind of lost or insecure because he cant tell how you feel yet. The body language of sub is so important durring any type of scene play. To me personaly an agresive look tends to make me more agresive but with a new sub you have to hold back because its hard to tell what is going to far.  Subs have a tendency to not say anything so safe words dont really work in that case.  There is a tendency sometimes for me to think that wow this is really going well and then find out after a scene that I was way to rough and didnt know it and the sub was just taking it at some points durring the play.  For me its the sub that drives my actions to a degree deciding wether or not to carry out with a plan so to speak.  He probably just needs time to adapt to you.



RexLongBeach -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 3:24:38 PM)

Here's what you do: act sullen until he gives you the beating you crave.

If he doesn't get the point, put up signs saying "The beatings must continue until morale improves!"

Lest I be accused of suggesting you top from the bottom, I'll put it in a more politically correct style: your relationship will probably be happier and more satisfying if you can help him understand how much fun a (deep and lengthy) beating can be. For that to happen, you'll need to work past his prior (deep and lengthy) experience plus society's prohibitions (deep and lengthy) against beating on women.

When communicating with a man, it's always best to use the direct approach - - but because the topic is heavy, you might try lightenting it with a little humor.

Good luck getting that (deep and lengthy) flogging,
Rex




LadyHugs -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 4:55:26 PM)

Dear masamichi, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I would see the need to identify what 'intent' the flogging is to the Dominant as much as to the submissive.
 
Sometimes, it takes a mentor or trainer to bring to the fore, that a Dominant's 'energy' is transmitted by his/her core; or spirit of intent if you will.  If a dominant is just going through the motions but, isn't engaged mentally, spiritually the energy will be flat or 'sullen' and that transmits through the whip to the submissive.    One might as well go to a car wash.
 
Perhaps this Dominant had a submissive who was 'emotionally' closed and sullen, the poor me or perhaps martyr, to which wasn't enjoying the flogging and was doing a lot of shifting weight like impatient in line, lets get it over with attitude.
 
In my mind's eyes I see, it is so easy to get into a rut, or 'same' routine.  It really takes someone who is outside of the normal maze or rut, to see that there is a need or 'calling' to change.
 
That said, a Dominant will mourn the loss of a relationship, especially when it was long term.  The distraction will be like not being 'home' and the energy will be missing, not felt or transmitted to the flogger.
A particular flogger might be bringing back the memories as well.
 
In addition, there are many reasons why Dominants flogg another.  It can be for; energy release, catharsis-healing-repenting-new birth, it can be for punishment/disciplinary administrations, education, maintaining skills, re-affirming the slave's 'slave soul/belly/spirit'  and or answering the slave's request to be maintained via flogging, testing a new tool, tuning into a new partner.  Some go beyond that, as to show off, play to an audience, etc., which I find a displeasure to witness.
 
In my mind's eyes, some individual's focus and 'appear' to be sullen or in an angry mood.  Facial expressions during a scene can be misleading.  In a 'role play' scene, facial expressions aid in the 'tone' of the scene.
 
In summary, it can be many factors and or a combination that may be at work here.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 



Kinkypupper -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/29/2007 6:09:45 PM)

Everyone is different.
In my opinion be yourself, how you fit with your partner will depend on how they perceve it



MadRabbit -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/30/2007 6:31:14 AM)

Someone who was overly eager for the flogging as opposed to being overly eager to be flooged to please me would be a bit of a dislike for me. The "beaten dog" thing...I am not so selfish as to do something that they werent receiving some form of enjoyment from (whether the enjoyment comes from their masochism or from their submission to me).




AquaticSub -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/30/2007 7:41:25 AM)

Edited because I completely misread. Good luck and let him transition on his own.



masamichi -> RE: a quick question about sullenness and flogging (3/30/2007 12:01:37 PM)

all good opinions. i did have a heart to heart with him about how i felt and hopefully the next scene he will be a bit more prepared for the type of person i am when i am in subspace. i did find out that his ex was the type to top from the bottom. and she has on many occasions interupted play scenes on a whim. it was nice to read all the advice i got from different perspectives. thank you all very much.



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