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As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 7:57:28 PM

Supershovel83

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Okay here goes it.. i have a Master i love very much, and would do anything for. i have always respected the fact that my Master is far more intellegent then i am. And i have always been far more emotional. i have told my Master that i don't know how truely submissive i am but would love to offer Him my world.. my Master agrees with that statement and has sujested that i search for other people like myself to see if they have any helpful hints for me. This is my second attempt at writing this and i'm very hurt the first one crashed so please for give me the first one was much better. i'm laying my heart down and hoping i get honest and helpful responses back. Back to the point that i'm very emoitional creature, my Master has had difficulties reining my emotional outburst in. i don't think i do them purposely or spitfully, but my Master calls it prideful. i don't doudt that this may be apart of the problem but i don't believe that its all of the problem.. i believe that i have an emotional disorder that is sometimes alcohol induced and i get easily frustrayed with what my Master is trying to convey to me. i wish i had better ways of trying to control my emotional problem and dissapoint my Master less. Because when i dissapoint my Master it leaves me feeling depressed and seems like i'm more likely to mess up easier. i like to please my Master and recieve praise, with to much dissapointment i feel like always crying, depressed and a big failure. i never want to dissapoint Him, so if you have real and truthful suggestions please help. if you have ever found your self fighting something off of gut instinct or just rebeling and don't know why you do it please let me know that i'm not the only one out there. i'm sorry if this seems so lost and out there but i sometimes run on tangons.i'm also wondering does outside opinions ever get to you or can you find a mental way of blocking them out?i have had things said to me that have hurt real bad but my Master is so pleased with me. its hard to get Him to see that i don't always have as hard of shell as He does..But i am always glad to please him.. i'm going to quit while i'm ahead. so thank you all for answering and for the help...
Thanks,
pet

Post #: 1

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:00:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The way you present this leaves me suggesting you should find yourself a good therapist you trust and can connect with and work with them directly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 2

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:01:07 PM

Supershovel83

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

ps thats my Master not me i don't know how to change the picture

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 3

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:05:59 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I don't think she is talking about the picture and I gotta agree with her.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 4

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:06:24 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

pet,

my first bit of advice would be to do whatever you can to kick the alcohol. i don't know if it's an addiction for you, or what, but even if it's not an addiction, alcohol is toxic for your system physically and your body will probably be better off without it...especially since it seems to be affecting the health of your relationship.

second, are you seeing a counselor? if not, i would recommend seeing a counselor as well as keeping up as best you can with your physical health needs...whether that's rest, adequate nutrition, making sure you visit the doctor/dentist/whatever as often as you need to...our minds depend very greatly on the health of our bodies.

third, as a submissive, even as one who's been submissive for two and a half years, and has been with her current master for over a year, i still freeze. for me, it is less willful disobedience than it is psychological issues - some from post-traumatic stress disorder caused by sexual trauma, some from my own overbearing self-consciousness, which has been built up throughout my life in many different ways. these are both things i've worked very hard to overcome, but there's still lots of work to be done. as long as you are doing the best you can in overcoming the things that are obstacles for you, both personally and in your relationship, i think it's still possible to be found pleasing as a slave even when we do freeze or have problems.

fourth, remember that your master's opinion of you, and your opinion of yourself, matters more than anyone else's opinion. they are not the ones living your life, and they are not the ones in ownership of you, so they do not have a say. this is something that it took me a long time to get, and that i'm still getting - the idea that other people do not have to live the life i am in, therefore their hurtful opinions on the way i live my life should have no bearing on what i do, because i know i am doing the best that i can. and the idea that even though i may not always think well of myself, His opinion of me matters far more than my opinion of me, and as long as His opinion of me is good, who am i to disregard that?

hope you are well.
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 5

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:31:00 PM

tulipgoose

Posts: 112
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

Well, I wouldn't suggest "professional" help... as often times such things lead to years and years of running in circles.... You do need help however. I am an emotion based person as well.... Just ask your Master to lead in activities that would help you release such things. I know that a few things which help me "calm" down are spankings.... not punishment of course, but they help release energy. As well, I am a crafter, so creating things and finding inspiration helps a lot. If you do anything like write, or craft, ask your Master to help you set up a schedule for doing such things regularly...... another thing which is cliche but true is exercise.... I don't think I need to explain that one further..... And another is taking a hot shower or bath..... If you need to cry - cry!!!! Just get it out of your system.... it is not a crime to be emotional.... but a gift and good for the ability to create...... it is passion!

Oh, and you probably shouldn't change the picture anyway as it seems you are using your Master's screen name, but in fact create your own profile.

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 6

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:34:08 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

I agree with LuckyA that at this point, you should probably be seeking professional therapy services. It sounds like you are struggling with issues that are most likely too personal and too deeply-rooted to get any real, effective and lasting assistance from anyone on this board. That would require building a therapeutic relationship with a qualified therapist who has been trained and has some experience in proper assessment and diagnosis.

I've posted here a couple of links to get you started. Neither of these lists are comprehensive, but they do list professional across the country. The second link is to a listing of kink-aware professionals. I have personally never used any of the providers on the listings and cannot attest to their credibility. But I would suggest that before going to see a therapist you at the least ask about their training and credentials and check out the status of their license through your state licensing board.

http://www.findcounseling.com/about

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/

Also, if you think you might have a alcohol problem, I encourage you to look into AA groups in your area...check out several before deciding whether or not it's for you.

And lastly, I strongly suggest you get out, and check out your local bdsm community. I'm not sure where exactly you live, but it would be worth it to try to locate a local support group where you can meet with like- minded people in real time. Check out munches and the like.

And all the best to you. Feel free to contact me off-board if you need clarification on anything or if you'd just like to drop me a line.

MNN

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 7

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/29/2007 8:54:55 PM

andyskayla

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

I agree with LA and Aquatic as well as hisanabelle's advice about alcohol. It sounds to me you might want to talk to a doctor about SSRIs as well. They can be extremely useful

I find that in my own life I had been drawn to people that encouraged my emotional melodrama and as I've begun to get that more under control, I find healthier people in my life. I would say in addition to finding a good therapist, you might consider meditation. Learning to watch the ebbs and flows of my emotions had helped me not be so completely in their power. There are outside things, without a doubt, that induce them. Additionally, though, there can be little things and I can say "oh, yeah, I'm doing that again--interesting" and as I observe it, it starts to let go of some of its power on me.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 8

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/30/2007 1:50:21 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The way you present this leaves me suggesting you should find yourself a good therapist you trust and can connect with and work with them directly.

ditto

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/30/2007 6:43:09 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Alcohol is a depressant. If you are depressed or bipolar, it will make the situation worse in the long run.

Uncontrollable tearfulness or bursts of anger can be symptoms of both depression and bipolar. A psychiatrist can better diagonose and prescribe something.

Mainly, though, it sounds like a serious case of lack of positive self worth. You are relying on the approval of your Master to tell you you're worthy of love. Therefore, when he is displeased, you are not simply displeased with your own behavior, you are convinced that you're a horrible creature. A psychologist can help you with this through therapy.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 10

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/30/2007 7:12:17 AM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

To answer the title question, yes.

I might be able to help some. If you wish to talk, you can e-mail me.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 11

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/30/2007 9:43:18 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I must say i agree with the others see a profesional therpist.

You say sometimes your emotional outbursts are alcohol induced. If they is so don't you think you should not drink? Maybe limit the amount of alcohol you consume.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 12

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/30/2007 10:05:59 AM

zindyslave

Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

I agree with the others about seeing a therapist. I am emotional but I also have bi-polar and having a therapist whether kink aware or not is good to have. You can talk about things that aren't sexually related and you can always pass it on as you are taking care of things around the house for him or something like that. But a therapist can give you advice and can help you get those emotions out in the open to express them and you are more likely to be happier when you leave than when you got there, at least that is how I feel. Also, being creative helps alot also, being crafty or writing or even taking pictures of things that look good to you. I have found that writing and taking pictures work for me. Also , if around where you live there are some secluded areas of nature or lakes or something that could come in handy to just sit and think. Just some ideas and they may not work for everyone but they help me.

_____________________________

http://www.myspace.com/zindygirl

Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 13

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/31/2007 6:56:01 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

The last thing I wish for is to belong to someone who is disappointed in me being me.......whatever I'm like.

From your post it sounds as though you have aspects of yourself that are being aggravated by someone being continually disappointed in you. Perhaps your master can guide you in a direction to find help with these things in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding, if he can't provide that himself.

Did your Master know your personality and problems when he took you as his? Or have you changed significantly since then?

agirl

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 14

RE: As a new submissive do you ever freeze? - 3/31/2007 10:17:06 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

Okay here goes it.. i have a Master i love very much, and would do anything for. i have always respected the fact that my Master is far more intellegent then i am. And i have always been far more emotional. i have told my Master that i don't know how truely submissive i am but would love to offer Him my world.. my Master agrees with that statement and has sujested that i search for other people like myself to see if they have any helpful hints for me. This is my second attempt at writing this and i'm very hurt the first one crashed so please for give me the first one was much better. i'm laying my heart down and hoping i get honest and helpful responses back. Back to the point that i'm very emoitional creature, my Master has had difficulties reining my emotional outburst in. i don't think i do them purposely or spitfully, but my Master calls it prideful. i don't doudt that this may be apart of the problem but i don't believe that its all of the problem.. i believe that i have an emotional disorder that is sometimes alcohol induced and i get easily frustrayed with what my Master is trying to convey to me. i wish i had better ways of trying to control my emotional problem and dissapoint my Master less. Because when i dissapoint my Master it leaves me feeling depressed and seems like i'm more likely to mess up easier. i like to please my Master and recieve praise, with to much dissapointment i feel like always crying, depressed and a big failure. i never want to dissapoint Him, so if you have real and truthful suggestions please help. if you have ever found your self fighting something off of gut instinct or just rebeling and don't know why you do it please let me know that i'm not the only one out there. i'm sorry if this seems so lost and out there but i sometimes run on tangons.i'm also wondering does outside opinions ever get to you or can you find a mental way of blocking them out?i have had things said to me that have hurt real bad but my Master is so pleased with me. its hard to get Him to see that i don't always have as hard of shell as He does..But i am always glad to please him.. i'm going to quit while i'm ahead. so thank you all for answering and for the help...
Thanks,
pet

i bolded the parts of your post i thought were most relavent to my thoughts about your situation. There are 5.

1. That shouldn't be his job, to "rein your emotional outbursts in" You are responsible for the emotions you feel and how you express them, the most he can really do is react to them from his own persepctive. This doesn't mean i feel he shouldn't comfort you perhaps but if he does this often enough it will only reinforce your behavior..... it's like giving you free rein to act out cause you know he's there to catch you and bring you back.

2. If you believe you have an emotional disorder then you owe it to youself to get professional help. If you have tried unsuccessfully to work it out yourself then why not give it a try? Your Master may be patient but that may wear thin if your uncontrollable outbursts continue for a long time. i am surprised he hasn't suggested it himself?

3. i wouldn't focus on the disappointment you feel you are causing him - this will only make you feel worse and compound everything. Make yourself a priority and do whatever it takes to make it better. Unless you get to the root of the problem it's not going to just go away. i don't think its about "controlling" it's about learning why you act out like you do.

4. This sounds like depression to me. In depression the depressed person has a hard time seeing anything they do worth any value - it's really an horrible state to be in for it clouds everything and paints all negatively. i would be interested in knowing - do you assume you are a disappointment or does your Master actually tell you you are disappointing him?

5. If your Master is telling you things you find hurtful you have to let him know - if you are afraid of loosing control - write him a letter. No one should be made to feel poorly -he may not even be aware of how his words are affecting you.

i wish you well in doing whatever it takes to resolve these issues.... be easy on yourself and open yourself up to a good therapist.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 15

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