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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 6:25:54 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I've been involved in this site in one way or another for over a year now but this is the first time I've actually posted on the board. I think thats been a big help because I advertises myself a little bit and gets more folks looking at my profile. I am a little torn over whether to post a photo, on the one hand I'm censcerned about privacy but on the other I know its something that sets me apart from the crowd of subs out there. What does everyone think about having a photo vs. not posting a photo?

Misstoyou wrote a very nice post commending me on seeking improvement. First, let me hank you very much for your kind words. Secondly, I would say that it something I've learned about BDSM, that its more than just a much of fantasies, but its a lifestyle that (for me) means I submitt myself to others and seek improvement. It means that I dont always get to do what I want. If my Domme wants me to scrub her floors or wash the windows well, thats what I have to do to please Her and that after all is what I'm there for!

Again, thank you for your advice!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 21

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 8:19:49 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

Your name says it all. Look at it. nocum4nick would indicate only a sexual interest upon your quest. I would not read the email.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 22

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 8:21:07 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Yes, I realize that. Thats why I changed my username.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 23

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 7:40:30 AM

mam

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

nice profile, but I would advise you to post a photo. Many people use the "photo only" button as a filter when they are seeking.
No need to show your face, be in shadow or wear a hat if you wish.

Mam

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 24

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 1:15:09 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nickymaz

Yes, I realize that. Thats why I changed my username.

See! You did it again!

Other pissy submissives would have made some comment about not having read the entire thread.

With regard to the picture, you have to do what you're comfortable with, but what Mam said is correct. It's not that *no* submissives are ever selected from profiles without pictures (I have done so), but you are limiting your exposure.

** edited for proper capitalization

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 4/1/2007 1:19:04 PM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 25

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 1:42:38 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

Here is more cruel but true advice: What is in your league in the BDSM world is probably far lower than the type of woman you would typically date in the vanilla world. Think about it - a Domme has about 8 times more partners here to choose from than you do. If you had those kind of odds, what would it do to your selection process? To your ego?

Sorry, but I find this advice hilariously funny and bad.

There have been some very good suggestions on this thread; it looks like the OP has followed some of them. Good luck.

Personally, I'd never lower my standards just because of some perceived ratio of Dommes to subs. When I became single after a 6 year relationship, I was concerned about this ratio and thought it to be overwhelming, but guess what? As I got out and met more people and talked to more Femdoms, the ratio shrunk dramatically.

What FemDoms are looking for, as opposed to what's out there is completely different.
Sure there are a lot of subs that respond to every Domme, but the number of these guys that are actually single, submissive and worth anything to any woman, let alone a Domme are few and far between.

My best advice to you is to be something real and tangible. Make her fall in love with your mind rather than anything else. It’s especially true in the type of relationship that we are seeking where the sensual aspects of the mind are much more engaged, on many more levels.

Approach the Domme that you are interested in honestly and as a woman first and you’ll be surprised where your conversation leads.

My correspondence with potential Dommes never involves discussion of D/s other than addressing what she’s written in her profile. Usually it’s a number of emails or conversations before the subject even comes up as a serious topic. If you can’t go a few conversations without addressing it or seeming like a horny teenager, than there’s obviously one of you problems right there.

< Message edited by SlaveBlutarsky -- 4/1/2007 1:43:23 PM >

(in reply to ObedientYYC)

Post #: 26

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 1:55:08 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

nick, I didn't see your other profile, but this updated one is pretty good...but here's another POV...don't put all your eggs in one basket. I hope you're not pinning all your hopes on the the online scene. Check out your local bdsm scene...join clubs, go to munches, attend seminars and events...read, read, read and find safe havens where you can learn and practice skills. Your chances of finding the right fit will increase if you spread out a little bit more.

Hope that helps.

MNN

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 27

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 2:03:18 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

You are missing an "o" in the word 'employed'. The third sentence of your profile.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 28

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 2:10:16 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nickymaz

I am a little torn over whether to post a photo, on the one hand I'm censcerned about privacy but on the other I know its something that sets me apart from the crowd of subs out there. What does everyone think about having a photo vs. not posting a photo?

I had the exact same concern over posting a photo. I think I've guarded my privacy pretty well. The first thing I looked for when I read your new profile was a picture.
Also, may I just add:
PROOFREAD FOR SPELLING AND/OR GRAMMAR?
and also:
PROOFREAD FOR SPELLING AND/OR GRAMMAR?
not to mention:
PROOFREAD FOR SPELLING AND/OR GRAMMAR?

Maybe it's just me, but that is definitely a pet peeve of mine.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 29

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 2:28:51 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Ok, I understand that grammar and spelling are important, but one freaking word and you have to act like that??

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 30

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 2:34:19 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nocum4nick

I have been on collarme for a while and have writen several Dommes. When I write I am very respectful and include a picture of myself. I always read the Domme's profile and write an individual message with proper spelling and grammer. I admit I am not the most experienced but I am willing to learn. I just don't know whats wrong. Is it my approach, my profile? I dont understand. If anyone has suggestions please let me know. I'm just trying to become a better sub for a future Mistress.

First of all, nocum4nick, you need to understand that your letter to any Domme is only one of many. And even though you have taken the time to write a polite, detailed letter of introduction along with a photo of yourself, it doesn't necessarily guarantee a reply. You might, in fact, be the best candidate for the job; but because Dommes here are so inundated with requests, the good ones often get swept into the trash totally unnoticed.

Giving the Dommes a complete benefit of the doubt, I still cannot accept the excuse that they are just too busy or too put off by those numerous requests to even answer with a polite "no thank you."

So, in answer to your question,

No, you are not doing anything wrong.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 31

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 3:36:11 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Ok, I understand that grammar and spelling are important, but one freaking word and you have to act like that??

LOL! Sorry.. I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh.. I wasn't talking about that one word per se'. I just get too many emails from people who don't care enough to even spell semi-correctly and it just gets to me.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 32

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 4:13:49 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Ok, I'll fix that.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 33

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 4:52:13 PM

ObedientYYC

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

Here is more cruel but true advice: What is in your league in the BDSM world is probably far lower than the type of woman you would typically date in the vanilla world. Think about it - a Domme has about 8 times more partners here to choose from than you do. If you had those kind of odds, what would it do to your selection process? To your ego?

Sorry, but I find this advice hilariously funny and bad.

There have been some very good suggestions on this thread; it looks like the OP has followed some of them. Good luck.

Personally, I'd never lower my standards just because of some perceived ratio of Dommes to subs. When I became single after a 6 year relationship, I was concerned about this ratio and thought it to be overwhelming, but guess what? As I got out and met more people and talked to more Femdoms, the ratio shrunk dramatically.

What FemDoms are looking for, as opposed to what's out there is completely different.
Sure there are a lot of subs that respond to every Domme, but the number of these guys that are actually single, submissive and worth anything to any woman, let alone a Domme are few and far between.

My best advice to you is to be something real and tangible. Make her fall in love with your mind rather than anything else. It’s especially true in the type of relationship that we are seeking where the sensual aspects of the mind are much more engaged, on many more levels.

Approach the Domme that you are interested in honestly and as a woman first and you’ll be surprised where your conversation leads.

My correspondence with potential Dommes never involves discussion of D/s other than addressing what she’s written in her profile. Usually it’s a number of emails or conversations before the subject even comes up as a serious topic. If you can’t go a few conversations without addressing it or seeming like a horny teenager, than there’s obviously one of you problems right there.

Allow me to totally backpedal...lol

I don't advocate people to get involved with someone they see as not a good match for them, (just for the sake of having someone). I have never done that, and I never will.

But I think its disingenuous to say that the ratios don't matter. In fact I think it leads to a LOT of the flaky behaviour that male subs exhibit... Where they enter into a relationship where they purposely have ignored deal-breaker type issues just for the sake of fulfilling their BDSM needs, and subsequently bail out when they can't deal with the reality.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 34

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 5:57:04 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

Here is more cruel but true advice: What is in your league in the BDSM world is probably far lower than the type of woman you would typically date in the vanilla world. Think about it - a Domme has about 8 times more partners here to choose from than you do. If you had those kind of odds, what would it do to your selection process? To your ego?

Sorry, but I find this advice hilariously funny and bad.

There have been some very good suggestions on this thread; it looks like the OP has followed some of them. Good luck.

Personally, I'd never lower my standards just because of some perceived ratio of Dommes to subs. When I became single after a 6 year relationship, I was concerned about this ratio and thought it to be overwhelming, but guess what? As I got out and met more people and talked to more Femdoms, the ratio shrunk dramatically.

What FemDoms are looking for, as opposed to what's out there is completely different.
Sure there are a lot of subs that respond to every Domme, but the number of these guys that are actually single, submissive and worth anything to any woman, let alone a Domme are few and far between.

My best advice to you is to be something real and tangible. Make her fall in love with your mind rather than anything else. It’s especially true in the type of relationship that we are seeking where the sensual aspects of the mind are much more engaged, on many more levels.

Approach the Domme that you are interested in honestly and as a woman first and you’ll be surprised where your conversation leads.

My correspondence with potential Dommes never involves discussion of D/s other than addressing what she’s written in her profile. Usually it’s a number of emails or conversations before the subject even comes up as a serious topic. If you can’t go a few conversations without addressing it or seeming like a horny teenager, than there’s obviously one of you problems right there.

Allow me to totally backpedal...lol

I don't advocate people to get involved with someone they see as not a good match for them, (just for the sake of having someone). I have never done that, and I never will.

But I think its disingenuous to say that the ratios don't matter. In fact I think it leads to a LOT of the flaky behaviour that male subs exhibit... Where they enter into a relationship where they purposely have ignored deal-breaker type issues just for the sake of fulfilling their BDSM needs, and subsequently bail out when they can't deal with the reality.

The two posts have nothing to do with each other. In one you're saying lower your expectations of what you'd expect to get in vanilla because there are 8 times as many people vying for attention. In the second you're saying guys get flaky and drop deal breakers because of this ratio and the fact they think this is the last train to Subville. Two completely different idea.

Sure the ratio of subs to dommes is not in male subs favor, but to tell anyone to lower their standards based on that is just silly. Be realistic, know what's important to you, but don't ever except less than what you believe you deserve. Simple as that.

(in reply to ObedientYYC)

Post #: 35

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 6:06:50 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

Your interests checklist

It might be worthwhile to either add information non-kinky items into this checklist, or to use the "journal" function to write about some of your mundane interests in detail.

A photo

The most appreciated photographs seem to be clothed ones. Face in shadow, wearing a hat and sunglasses, or from the smile down seem to be the most popular ways of being discreet while still giving the viewer some idea of what you look like.

Good luck!

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 36

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 6:30:50 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Alright, I updated the intrests with some regular stuff.

I'm going to work on the picture issue this week, I just dont have a decent pic I can use.

Thanks again for all the great advice!

(in reply to Mustardseed)

Post #: 37

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 6:34:22 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

It's so gratifying when someone actually accepts the advice given and uses it.

You will eventually make someone very happy and proud to own you, Nick.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 38

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 6:45:30 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nocum4nick

I have been on collarme for a while and have writen several Dommes. When I write I am very respectful and include a picture of myself. I always read the Domme's profile and write an individual message with proper spelling and grammer. I admit I am not the most experienced but I am willing to learn. I just don't know whats wrong. Is it my approach, my profile? I dont understand. If anyone has suggestions please let me know. I'm just trying to become a better sub for a future Mistress.

Nothing's wrong. Just do more. I would advise regularly contributing to the forums. A written profile and an introductory email isn't really enough for a woman to go by. Show her who you are and what you're all about by expressing your feelings and opinions on the forums. What you write will speak volumes about who you are.
:)

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 4/1/2007 6:46:10 PM >

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 39

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 6:51:10 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

I've definaly gotten the picture that posting on the forums is a big help. Not only have I learned a lot but I've gotten a lot of people looking at my profile, which certainly helps. I will certainly continue to post on these forums and stay involved in these discussions.

SweetDommes; thank you very much, I really appreciate it!

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 40

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