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Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 3:24:18 PM

CaryCouple

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

My wife and I were curious, and decided to ask here:

I'm dominant, she is submissive--it is a very good partnership for us, and one that we feel fosters both the drive and sensitivity necessary for any relationship to do well. On that note, we are looking for another submissive woman (possibly a switch) to become part of our relationship and that's when we wondered... What kind of advice can anyone give to help us accent the positive nature of our relationship, and demonstrate a real desire to offer someone inclusion to our family? We have an honest desire to form a triad, but we also don't want to come off as insincere.

I know it technically comes as a more poly-oriented question (a very close family we are friends with have a MFM dynamic), but I felt this would be more specific to subs than strictly poly. Thank you in advance for any advice.

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 6:23:35 PM

slave4mzpatti

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/20/2004
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If you look at the polygamous lifestyle from a pragmatic point of view it is so much easier than being alone or just a couple. In my situation I work and that is a big help to the household as well as taking care of most of the work around the house. In return I know I am cared for if I were ever sick or needed help with something.
slave4MzPatti

(in reply to CaryCouple)

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 6:56:24 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Check out the poly forum and just be honest. It's tough competition and it's going to be harder to not only find someone with the right chemistry and situation to work with you BOTH, but even harder helping her establish into the solid situation you already have.

Just date- see what happens.

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 7:28:14 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Aslo i would imagine there will be harder to get a person that will live whit you permanently, then somone that play whit you now an again.

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 8:15:41 PM

CaryCouple

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

Thank you, we do check out the poly forum, and are active members of a local poly group as well. Still, there is what you want to come across as, and what you actually come across as. We expect that it will take time (already has, truth be told), I suppose we're simply trying to understand how other people might see us (or what a sub may actually desire if she is interested in a couple at all to begin with).

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 4/13/2005 8:19:14 PM

CaryCouple

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2005
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This I know all too well. Still, one never knows unless they try, yes? I would hope that there is a woman out there who wants that day-to-day closeness, in addition to 'playtime', it's just a matter of finding where she has been hiding herself all this time. :p

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 5/10/2005 7:06:04 AM

drgnladyk

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Hiya~ Great question!
I came here looking for comraderie too, and i know it's difficult to find a good fit. One thing that you may consider is that there isn't someone who knows she would be a good fit -yet-

By that i mean, maybe one of you/both of you can pursue a relationship with a third, develop it over some time, and that will develop in to your triad person....

Had you asked me to join a couple, i'd have thought it was impossible. Then i met my Master, and his wife had her own Master outside their home. There are so many difficulties of the marriage becomming a D/s one, having the D/s element satisfied outside can be easier. The poly issues of jealousy and affirmation of loving supportive deliberate care are all there too, but not the swithching from Hey It's Yourr Turn to Do the Bathroom, to the D/s roles....

it takes an admirable level of honesty and constant communication and affection. As the sub (who's Not the Alpha Sub), i can tell you that it involves a level of trust that's quite unnerving, because i not only must trust my Master to take care of these extremely personal vulnerabilities, but also must trust his wife too....She has veto power!!

joining them in the home had not been an option, or even discussed....until 2 years had passed, and now it seems like a natural next step in our relationship (s)....she and i may become lovers outside Master and I being in a very strong D/s connection....the three of us play together sometimes... but it is the mental connections we mine and nurture that are the crux of the joy....for us....

so after all this rambling, what i want to suggest is that there are ways to develop what you ultimately seek, while developing yourselves and learning about each other, and your third family member too....for us, it has been unexpected, but a superlative experience when it works, and gut wrenching fear sometimes too...

Can you share what you have thought about those elements of jealousy, and how the Dom will honor His commitment to keeping everyone safe and warm and loved....and how each of the others will nurture the whole?

Good luck!!

(in reply to CaryCouple)

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RE: Couple looking for sub advice - 5/11/2005 11:34:44 AM

ashia

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/2/2005
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Hello.. I am in apoly relationship and from a slave's point of view,, ( I know that sounds like a contradiction in terms) It is a more loving and secure situation than a monognomous relationsip.. In my case I have a few medical problems so my sister can help out and do what i cannot.. It is not al about the sex it is more of a unit effort to keep all well within the relationship

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