Submission

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Spike1777 -> Submission (4/13/2005 3:56:59 PM)
I have a question that I would like to ask the group. I am new to the BDSM culture, and starting to explore the culture/scene, here in southern California. I am also starting to explore the Female Dominant/male submissive form of relationships, as this is what brought me here to LA in the first place. So my level of experience is somewhat limited. And I am sure that throwing myself at Dommes is not the easiest way to have sex. But I am learning some subie manners and getting a little experience. Plus I have been reading, at length, the message boards on this fine site, learning from the vast store of knowledge/experience that is available here. I especially enjoyed the threads: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression, forced masculinity, and Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity. I just recently joined (another) FemDomme based group on Yahoo and one of the first subjects to come up was submission. The other was, protocol points to avoid being a jerk or courtship of a Dominant Woman. But submission was the subject which first really sparked my interest. And a topic that I would like to understand better. I mean, how can you have a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship without submission. As defined: Submission is any time that a sub performs to benefit the Domme rather than performs for their own benefit. Plus there are various types or varities of submission to be considered. Although only two were acually mentioned. First was performing the slave/servant role i.e. cooking, cleaning, housework, pampering, etc..... The other was to submit for bondage, torture, abuse, etc..... Now being that I have a servitude fetish the slave/servant form of submission is appealing to say the least. Consensual submission for bondage, torture, abuse, etc is also fairly easy to understand. I guess that my question is this: Am I understanding the concept of submission and what other types of submission are there. spike

AAkasha -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 4:21:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 I have a question that I would like to ask the group. I am new to the BDSM culture, and starting to explore the culture/scene, here in southern California. I am also starting to explore the Female Dominant/male submissive form of relationships, as this is what brought me here to LA in the first place. So my level of experience is somewhat limited. And I am sure that throwing myself at Dommes is not the easiest way to have sex. But I am learning some subie manners and getting a little experience. Plus I have been reading, at length, the message boards on this fine site, learning from the vast store of knowledge/experience that is available here. I especially enjoyed the threads: 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression, forced masculinity, and Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity. I just recently joined (another) FemDomme based group on Yahoo and one of the first subjects to come up was submission. The other was, protocol points to avoid being a jerk or courtship of a Dominant Woman. But submission was the subject which first really sparked my interest. And a topic that I would like to understand better. I mean, how can you have a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship without submission. As defined: Submission is any time that a sub performs to benefit the Domme rather than performs for their own benefit. Plus there are various types or varities of submission to be considered. Although only two were acually mentioned. First was performing the slave/servant role i.e. cooking, cleaning, housework, pampering, etc..... The other was to submit for bondage, torture, abuse, etc..... Now being that I have a servitude fetish the slave/servant form of submission is appealing to say the least. Consensual submission for bondage, torture, abuse, etc is also fairly easy to understand. I guess that my question is this: Am I understanding the concept of submission and what other types of submission are there. spike One of the most important things you need to clarify is what your goal is. Is it to have sex? Akasha

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 4:45:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha One of the most important things you need to clarify is what your goal is. Is it to have sex? Akasha I have been talking with an expert on sexual relations. She suggested being more open / public about my sex life. So here is an honest answer. I guess that my main goal is a loving D/s relationship. About eight months ago I met a Domme on the Internet who suggested that I could simply have my woman be the aggressor. It worked and we had great sex. But I retired and had to move back to the US from Italy. It was really a giant change for me. We were together for a long time but did not have any sex. But with her as the aggressor we had great sex every time we were together. So directly I would have to answer yes!

AAkasha -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 6:13:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha One of the most important things you need to clarify is what your goal is. Is it to have sex? Akasha I have been talking with an expert on sexual relations. She suggested being more open / public about my sex life. So here is an honest answer. I guess that my main goal is a loving D/s relationship. About eight months ago I met a Domme on the Internet who suggested that I could simply have my woman be the aggressor. It worked and we had great sex. But I retired and had to move back to the US from Italy. It was really a giant change for me. We were together for a long time but did not have any sex. But with her as the aggressor we had great sex every time we were together. So directly I would have to answer yes! Sometimes men who are very shy or are not comfortable being the aggressor in developing an intimate relationship are attracted to the idea of a femdom relationship because it seems safe. They do not have to worry about making a poor first move, about what to do when, or about being rejected. They like the idea of being told what to do, because then they know that all they have to do is follow orders and they cannot fail. Unfortunately, femdom relationships are not magical in that you don't need to do the work, or take risks, and everything will be ok. In fact, some subs around here might tell you that you have to work much harder in having a femdom relationship than you do in developing one with a very unkinky woman. Akasha

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 7:07:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Sometimes men who are very shy or are not comfortable being the aggressor in developing an intimate relationship are attracted to the idea of a femdom relationship because it seems safe. They do not have to worry about making a poor first move, about what to do when, or about being rejected. They like the idea of being told what to do, because then they know that all they have to do is follow orders and they cannot fail. Unfortunately, femdom relationships are not magical in that you don't need to do the work, or take risks, and everything will be ok. In fact, some subs around here might tell you that you have to work much harder in having a femdom relationship than you do in developing one with a very unkinky woman. Akasha Having the woman be the aggressor and be in control is very new to me. But it is something the lights up my life, it is exciting. But it is also something that I need to work on. I have been studying and studying hard so I can better understand this type of relationship. There is so much to understand in this type of relationship. I just read an article: http://www.teramis.com/kink/subvslave.htm This article defines my new FemDomme relationship with a Domme here in LA as a M/s relationship instead of the D/s relationship that I thought it was. there is so much to learn from manners and protocol to the various types of submission. And even, as I just read in the article; the diference between a submissive and a slave.

nella -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 7:25:59 PM)
sobmission simply mean you submit to somone elses will. You can be as egosentrical and self absorbed as you like, and still be submissive as long as you do what you are told and submits to somone elses will. Servitude is doing something for another person, whit or whitout the promise of repayment, somtimes theese two are put together, but they are not the same thing.

AAkasha -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 8:13:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Sometimes men who are very shy or are not comfortable being the aggressor in developing an intimate relationship are attracted to the idea of a femdom relationship because it seems safe. They do not have to worry about making a poor first move, about what to do when, or about being rejected. They like the idea of being told what to do, because then they know that all they have to do is follow orders and they cannot fail. Unfortunately, femdom relationships are not magical in that you don't need to do the work, or take risks, and everything will be ok. In fact, some subs around here might tell you that you have to work much harder in having a femdom relationship than you do in developing one with a very unkinky woman. Akasha Having the woman be the aggressor and be in control is very new to me. But it is something the lights up my life, it is exciting. But it is also something that I need to work on. I have been studying and studying hard so I can better understand this type of relationship. There is so much to understand in this type of relationship. I just read an article: http://www.teramis.com/kink/subvslave.htm This article defines my new FemDomme relationship with a Domme here in LA as a M/s relationship instead of the D/s relationship that I thought it was. there is so much to learn from manners and protocol to the various types of submission. And even, as I just read in the article; the diference between a submissive and a slave. So you are already in a relationship with a femdom? You should not waste energy trying to find the appropriate "label" to define what you are. Semantics of what D/S vs. what M/s is and all sorts of things can get you into circular debates forever. What you need to do is communicate with your partner, and define and identify what both of you need. This is going to be far more helpful than reading articles and trying to decide if you are "doing it right." You are doing it right if both people are happy and fulfilled and limits are respected. Akasha

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 9:20:05 PM)
Actually I am in relationships with several FemDommes. But the main one is a lady that I love so very much. We met at the local fetish night here in Hollywood. Actually I had only been in LA for a couple of weeks. She and her Domme friends were playing with a middle aged mascoist, quite heavily I might add. I was watching the action with a fellow subie and really enjoying the scene. A couple of weeks later my subie friend introduced us. We hit it off. Unfortunately my ex Mistress who just came back from a business trip saw me collared and us together. She was remarkably upset, although at the time: i thought i was innocent. in realsluty i was a worm. but that was the end of our relationship of some six months. actually it was almost all on-line and I only met her in person a couple of times. A couple of days later all hell broke loose; broke my foot, my car breaks down repeatedly, cat dies, etc.... So I do not see my new friend again. Then one night I am surfing ALT profiles and am redirected to a profile of a couple of lesbian subs. I read the profile and am very impressed by the owner. So I do some research and follow him to this site and pay my respects. a couple of days later I meet my friend again, online. She invites and I serve (domestically) at a photoshoot for my friend and her Mistress friends. Incidentally I made my favorite chicken cacciatore and all of the Mistress gave me so many compliments that I had to blush. I had a fabulous time. But afterwards she is aloof online. So I was unsure of myself as a submissive but as a slave I should be joyed little spike

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/13/2005 9:23:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nella submission simply mean you submit to somone elses will. Thanks, this is a direct definition of submission. Although more about types of subission would be cool........

MsMacComb -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 2:04:31 AM)
Definition: [n] the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another [n] an agreement between parties in a dispute to abide by the decision of an arbiter [n] a legal document summarizing an agreement between parties in a dispute to abide by the decision of an arbiter [n] (law) a contention presented by a lawyer to a judge or jury as part of the case he is arguing [n] something (manuscripts or architectural plans and models or estimates or works of art of all genres etc.) submitted for the judgment of others (as in a competition); "several of his submissions were rejected by publishers"; "what was the date of submission of your proposal?" [n] the feeling of patient submissive humbleness [n] the condition of having submitted to control by someone or something else; "the union was brought into submission"; "his submission to the will of God"

nella -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 3:31:16 AM)
Whit types of submission what do you mean? types of submissives in BDSM or types of submission in general. For exampel, every time you do what your boss at work tells you to do, you are submitting to the boss, every time a teatcher tell you to do somthing, you are submitting to that person and so on, there would be to many types of submission to list. Subission is different for eatch person submitting.

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 11:23:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nella Whit types of submission what do you mean? Actually accordingly there were only two types of submission. Servitude for the pain and servitude for the benefit of the Domme. little spike

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 11:27:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsMacComb Definition: [n] the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another power exchange, now this is a topic that I do not understand at all.....lil

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 11:28:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 power exchange, now this is a topic that I do not understand at all.....lil My either, specially since I don't think it rarely occurs. I think it's a bad term overall...the one I use is "authority transfer" which I consider much clearer and true to life.

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 11:44:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 power exchange, now this is a topic that I do not understand at all.....lil My either, specially since I don't think it rarely occurs. I think it's a bad term overall...the one I use is "authority transfer" which I consider much clearer and true to life. "authority transfer" is a nice term.......... but does the slave/sub submit to the power exchange or is it a bene for the sub. Elation of the sub upon the sensation / arousal of the Dominant............lil

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 11:46:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 "authority transfer" is a nice term.......... but does the slave/sub submit to the power exchange or is it a bene for the sub. Elation of the sub upon the sensation / arousal of the Dominant............lil Relationships are for the benefit of everyone involved in them.

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 12:01:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 "authority transfer" is a nice term.......... but does the slave/sub submit to the power exchange or is it a bene for the sub. Elation of the sub upon the sensation / arousal of the Dominant............lil Relationships are for the benefit of everyone involved in them. cool, I feel hat communication within the relationship is extremely important. but how does submission fit into the relationship. And how is our little subie enhancing our lives with this submission.......................lil

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 12:16:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 but how does submission fit into the relationship. And how is our little subie enhancing our lives with this submission.......................lil It fits however you want it to fit, there's no standard and a million and four varieties. How a sub will enhance your life with submission is totally dependent on you, them, and how you work together.

Spike1777 -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 2:42:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 but how does submission fit into the relationship. And how is our little subie enhancing our lives with this submission.......................lil It fits however you want it to fit, there's no standard and a million and four varieties. How a sub will enhance your life with submission is totally dependent on you, them, and how you work together. Cool, submission for the benefit of the Domme is one definition, but that still leaves submission for pain (torture, bondage, caneing....)...............

AAkasha -> RE: Submission (4/14/2005 3:13:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: Spike1777 but how does submission fit into the relationship. And how is our little subie enhancing our lives with this submission.......................lil It fits however you want it to fit, there's no standard and a million and four varieties. How a sub will enhance your life with submission is totally dependent on you, them, and how you work together. Cool, submission for the benefit of the Domme is one definition, but that still leaves submission for pain (torture, bondage, caneing....)............... Submission to pain is also for the benefit of the femdom. It just depends on what she is into. You need to find out from your partner what her likes and dislikes are; you won't find that by reading articles on the net, you will find it by talking to and growing with your partner. Akasha

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