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Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:40:47 AM

Shylahgirl

Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

Why does that age of a sub/slave matter or at that age of a Master/Mistress? (as long as they are over 18, of course... no one wants to go to jail)

But, really does a number matter?

Shouldn't skill and willingness matter more?

Maybe I'm just asking this because I started in the lifestyle when I was 18, I am now 20, and I have incountered many times the idea that my age has something to do with how good of a submissive I am.

I beleive a good submissive/slave is made by the training of the Master/Mistress they serve. Not their age.

All I can really say is that I know I'm lucky that I found the lifestyle so early in life and that my wonderful Master has been with me the whole way through.

Shylah

_____________________________

Post #: 1

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:45:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

To the title of this thread, I would ask you this question, why is age such a big deal? It isn't a big deal in my reality. I rarely think about how old people are consciously. I do relate somewhat differently to people based upon their age subconsciously, as does everyone I am sure... even you shylahgirl probably respond and react differently to people based upon your assumptions of their characteristics (whether it be age, orientation, sex, occupation, or religion). It is just how human beings are, and you would have more luck reinventing the wheel than to try to change human nature.

You have made a thread or two about this topic, responded to other threads focusing on this topic with much passion. I think it really only matters what your master believes about you and your submission... it does not matter what anyone else thinks.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:47:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Reposted:

Age matters as much as it matters to you.

On many levels, age doesn't really mean much when it comes to the individual. There really are lots of mature, ready, and open younger people who fit in very well with mature, ready and open older people.

That being said, one's age IS something of an indicator about them- the culture you grow up in is a HUGE influence on your interests and perspectives, the politics, diseases, education style, music, fashion, art, books, they all get experienced in different ways in different times at different ages.

That's not a killjoy- I amaze people all the time by bringing up movie and song trivia from decades before I was born (my mother raised me right). And for someone older who ENJOYS discovering new things, a younger person is perfect as a gateway into the next generation of cultural discoveries.

As well there IS something to be said for the stability of the old. Younger people have to go through life stages- finding yourself, job, family, establishing yourself as an adult (a process which is much farther extended than in previous generations, again not a bad thing necessarily). They often don't have the same problems and responsibilities as older people- ex's, kids, health care, etc. There's an element of rapid change and instability in being with someone younger.

Finally, none of these has to matter to any great degree at all. We ARE all still people and May'December relationships are a LOT more common than people believe, and they can work out just great. It's not all just older men in mid-life crisis and younger women sponging. We each individually have our own histories, quirks, problems, perspectives and joys. Age won't take that away and it doesn't make it impossible for a relationship to work.

As long as you keep everything in perspective, and really examine things, as long as you can use the strengths that you have together and become a cohsive unit- then age can be just another part of the person, something you sometimes love and something you sometimes can't stand.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_866797/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#866828
Does age equal experience?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_607651/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#608245
Age

http://www.collarchat.com/m_550824/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#550893
Does age matter in a sub?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_441624/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#441638
Does age make experience?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_389399/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#389616
Age since weight is being done

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366036/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#366124
Should age matter for a sub?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_336445/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#336457
Yes another ? about age

http://www.collarchat.com/m_325491/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#325694
Does age difference matter?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_290637/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#291554
What is the oldest dom you would consider?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_220984/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#220997
What is it with girls having masters double their ages?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_209024/mpage_3/key_age/tm.htm#212527
Does age matter? (2)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:48:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
I beleive a good submissive/slave is made by the training of the Master/Mistress they serve. Not their age.

Shylah, do you think you'd be with a master who was 15? Or 75? Does age matter nothing to you?

For most people, the question isn't "Why does age matter?" but "Exactly HOW does age matter to you and why do you have that particular preference?"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:50:10 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

Shouldn't skill and willingness matter more?

Yes, but often (not always but often) that does come with age. Add to that life experience, education, etc that for many people (again not always) come after a period of time, looking at age is sometimes relevant.

For example, most 20 year old people do not have a bachelor's or master's degree, been married/divorced, have at least one child, purchased a home, paid off student loans, blah blah

Now, I am perfectly aware that there may be exceptions to this but generally speaking it is true. When I am looking for a partner, BDSM experience is not nearly as important to me as life experience and similar life experience to my own. I've been down the path a few times with being with someone who was of equal age but completely different background or those much younger than I am and it never really worked out perfectly for either of us.

So, I can understand the frustration of some of the younger people who are having difficulty finding a partner, especially those (like myself) who started out very early in life simply because of the age factor. But, if it is an issue, simply find those for whom age is not an issue. There are plenty out there.

Also, I am very glad that you have a Master you obviously adore.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:50:44 AM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Age matters to many of us for a variety of reasons. I do not tend to become involved in intimate relationships with people
10-15 years younger than myself for many reasons. Many young people do not want someone 20-30 years older
than themselves. People have a right to have age limits and preferences.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:53:03 AM

Shylahgirl

Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
I beleive a good submissive/slave is made by the training of the Master/Mistress they serve. Not their age.

Shylah, do you think you'd be with a master who was 15? Or 75? Does age matter nothing to you?

For most people, the question isn't "Why does age matter?" but "Exactly HOW does age matter to you and why do you have that particular preference?"

I think the only thing that should matter as far as age is concerned is if they are over 18 and I won't go to jail for being with them.

What matters to me in a Master has knowlege and understanding... so if an 18 year old Master has that then no I do care about age.

_____________________________

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:54:13 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
I beleive a good submissive/slave is made by the training of the Master/Mistress they serve. Not their age.

Shylah, do you think you'd be with a master who was 15? Or 75? Does age matter nothing to you?

For most people, the question isn't "Why does age matter?" but "Exactly HOW does age matter to you and why do you have that particular preference?"

I think the only thing that should matter as far as age is concerned is if they are over 18 and I won't go to jail for being with them.

What matters to me in a Master has knowlege and understanding... so if an 18 year old Master has that then no I do care about age.

How about a 90 year old master? Would you overlook their age?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 9:57:44 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

I think the only thing that should matter as far as age is concerned is if they are over 18 and I won't go to jail for being with them.

You are entitled to your opinion, of course. For me, I very much care if someone is over 21 or not. 18 just won't cut it for me if I want to go to my favorite club. (21+ only)

I guess the point is, age matters to some people and not others. For the ones where it matters, it matter for various reasons. For the ones where it does not matter, age may not be a deciding factor but I guarantee there are other factors at play that are being looked at.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 10:04:52 AM

JSin

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Why does that age of a sub/slave matter or at that age of a Master/Mistress? (as long as they are over 18, of course... no one wants to go to jail)

But, really does a number matter?

Shouldn't skill and willingness matter more?

Maybe I'm just asking this because I started in the lifestyle when I was 18, I am now 20, and I have incountered many times the idea that my age has something to do with how good of a submissive I am.

I beleive a good submissive/slave is made by the training of the Master/Mistress they serve. Not their age.

I can state from my experiance that it does matter for the reasons others have given. Recently I had a 4 year relationship with a grrl 13 yrs my junior end. Not because of BDSM issues, but rather life issues and her ability to adjust through those phases that others have mentioned. While I would play with a grrl half my age there is no way unless the person was extrodinary I would have a LTR with them... I have grown up gone through those issues and have the scars to prove it. I don't need the hassle and drama in my life that goes with adjusting through those trying times. As much as many would like to believe it is just about submission R/l has a nasty tendency to rear it's ugly head when things like Jobs, rent, bills, medical care ad nauseum are delt with.

Nothing is a substitute for time and experiance, something no matter how you want to look at it is not a part of someone who does not have those things.

JSin

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 10:07:08 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

It only matters if it matters to you what other people think or if age matters to you.

Question is would you take a partner who is 18?

Question is would you take a partner who is 80?

If you answer no to either of those questions, then age matters to you. If the answer is yes - then don;t worry what others think.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 10:10:04 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

People are attracted to what they are attracted to. If that means a certain age level, then so be it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 10:13:58 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Age, is not just a number to me. It's important because to old and we'll be totaly incompatible for the most part, and to young* any one under 21* Is not legal to go to most the clubs here or bar's and I am simply not interested in finding someplace else or not going cause whom I want to take with me isn't allowed to go. Might be shallow yes, but it's my perogative to choose so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Why does that age of a sub/slave matter or at that age of a Master/Mistress? (as long as they are over 18, of course... no one wants to go to jail)

But, really does a number matter?

Shylah

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 10:29:38 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

It only matters if it matters to you what other people think or if age matters to you.

Question is would you take a partner who is 18?
Question is would you take a partner who is 80?

If you answer no to either of those questions, then age matters to you. If the answer is yes - then don;t worry what others think.

Greetings

I could not agree more than with what is stated above.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 14

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 11:06:04 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

My opinion...as far as relationships go, age isn't really a factor for me, it's age difference. That may be your point, but I just want to be perfectly clear. My Daddy and I are separated by 15 years. This gap has lead to interesting conversation, perspective, and a great deal of learning for both of us. Then there are the times when the gap becomes an abyss where we are separated by a common enemy. I'm 26. I'm beginning to look at my goals and where I am in relation to those goals. There are things that I had planned long before I met Him...and they get in the way. We've created compromises and worked through it, but it does make a difference.

On the flip side...I am fairly sure that if we were able to roll back time and make Him my age, well, it definitely wouldn't work. I love the man He has become, but I have learned not to discount the age difference. It may not matter to you, but it has certainly come to matter to me.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 11:10:46 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

It doesn't matter so much for some things, but it does matter to me in terms of a relationship. I want to be with someone who is more of a contemporary. When we talk, we have many similar kinds of memories- songs on the radio, tv shows, what we were doing when certain events took place in history, and often a way of viewing the world. Just yesterday I was with a group of people who all starting singing some song together, except for one young lady who had never heard of it. That's not horrible, of course, but it's common ground. As much as we say opposites attract, there is something to be said for having things in common.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 3/31/2007 11:11:48 AM >

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 11:19:17 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Age might *just be a number* but it most certainly impacts on me and on most people to some degree. Even children know this, which is why it's not that much of a challenge playing chess with a 3 yr old when you're a keen 11 year old, as a rule.

It's not *age* itself, it's what GOES along with it and what may satisfy and perhaps, sustain.

If you're a brilliant submissive in your relationship, and no-one else sees or understands it, or gives you credit for it because of your age ..........ho hum, guess what.......there are enough reasons and opinions to do the same when age is NOT an *issue*. If you're ok and your chap is ok, that's pretty much the best you can ask for. No-one else has to deal with you, do they?

agirl

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 11:38:16 AM

lablancsecret

Posts: 73
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

Shouldn't skill and willingness matter more?

Yes, but often (not always but often) that does come with age. Add to that life experience, education, etc that for many people (again not always) come after a period of time, looking at age is sometimes relevant.

For example, most 20 year old people do not have a bachelor's or master's degree, been married/divorced, have at least one child, purchased a home, paid off student loans, blah blah

Now, I am perfectly aware that there may be exceptions to this but generally speaking it is true. When I am looking for a partner, BDSM experience is not nearly as important to me as life experience and similar life experience to my own. I've been down the path a few times with being with someone who was of equal age but completely different background or those much younger than I am and it never really worked out perfectly for either of us.

So, I can understand the frustration of some of the younger people who are having difficulty finding a partner, especially those (like myself) who started out very early in life simply because of the age factor. But, if it is an issue, simply find those for whom age is not an issue. There are plenty out there.

Also, I am very glad that you have a Master you obviously adore.

I agree wholeheartedly with what was said here, but I had a bit more to add.

For subbies, it seems to be easier to be younger and recieve mails and offers. We are in a serivce orriented role, so obviously we can and will have to be trained. Perhaps it is best to start with a fresh slate?

In my opinion, or at least personal experience and preference, younger doms don't have that advantage. They are untested, young, and inexperienced. I personally prefer older men anyways, but the idea of a man with expierence (both inside and outside of kink) is reassuring to me. That isn't to say that if a 90 year old walked up to me, I'd be all for it. I have age based upper limits too.

So age can be both a boon and a burden in our world. I would say though that as subs, both you and I are lucky.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 18

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 12:59:14 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Age does not matter in superficial relationships, but in deeper ones they do. It's frustrating to be with someone who can't understand what you have been through, are going through. Some things are just easier when you have a similar level of experience. Does it matter in play? Not really. That's like caring about appearance. I find that for the deeper relationship i need someone who can relate to the pressures i have at work in an administrative position and at home as the mother of a teen.

(in reply to lablancsecret)

Post #: 19

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 3/31/2007 1:03:06 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I didn't read any of the other replies, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else already said.

Age is a big deal to us because we don't have anything in common with guys who are too much older or younger than we are. We want someone who will be our partner as well as our submissive, and for that, you have to have more in common than D/s interests. Someone your age will have almost nothing in common with us - someone 10 years older than me will also have almost nothing in common with us. Yes, willingness is vital, and skills are important (but can be taught to the willing) ... but compatability is what is most important.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 20

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