RE: Value of Self

RE: Value of Self (Full Version)

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calicowgirl -> RE: Value of Self (4/2/2007 7:30:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Good luck on your journey cali, from your postings and your profile notes, i think you will find a wonderful person at the end of it. heartfelt Thank you heartfeltsub, I have found a couple of wonderful persons just recently who are making my journey even better. cali

LadyHugs -> RE: Value of Self (4/2/2007 8:12:23 PM)
Dear kyraofMists, Ladies and Gentlemen; Self worth or Value of Self is often a rumination one does. It is a form of comparison against a measure/standard; often using others and other's views of what their measure/standards are as to what is valued and what is not. Borrowing the "plate" analogy; I may be an extremely old plate. I don't shine like new anymore. I have a few dings and chips and not as pretty and shown off much. But, I do have a history associated with my plate, each plate has a story to tell. Even broken plates that have been pieced together--even with crude staples can still be a value. We see such examples on Antique Roadshow all the time. I know I have value because I know I am valuable to myself and others value me for the 'old plate' I am. I am a one of a kind plate. So, it is not wise to attempt to value me as a plate against an entirely different plate. To some, an old plate like me is valued beyond money but, sentimental value which is 'priceless.' It is only confirmed by those willing to spend a bit of time with a tired old plate like me. Sometimes I am hugged to somebody's heart and the soul and spirit of an old plate can touch deeply. Sometimes an old plate can just be standing on a shelf and just be a reminder of the past but, only the history and stories of the old plate can be passed down by 'telling the story.' For some, I just look like an old plate and just waiting to be let go and dumped into the rubbish can. But, I don't have meaning to them so understandingly, I don't have worth. But, unlike a plate - we are alive, we have feelings, emotions, spirit and often over think of our own value, our worth in the bigger sense of life and in the world. Human nature draws us into wanting to be accepted, wanted, treasured and when that isn't fed, our minds start feeding us with doubts. Sometimes it requires us to be the brakes to over analyzing and second guessing our value in the world and life in general. We (in a general sense) should be proud to stand alone and be happy to know that we are all unique and of value. Our life shouldn't be judged by what others may think but, by what you think of yourself. We teach others how to treat us. At times, we allow ourselves to be negative and be treated negatively. I do believe that BDSM in general offers another view of what has always been inside all along. In accepting negative treatment, it often confirms what mental pictures we (in general) see of ourselves. Not always is this the case as others may see another in a more positive manner. In my mind's eyes I see, those in BDSM who are 'healers' and 'teachers' have talent to reach and have you see through their mind's eyes to see how unique each person is--like that one of a kind plate. Many wonderful people have been weakened by negative imput from childhood through life in adulthood, dating, relationships, marriages and or divorces. If humans wouldn't be so stubborn at times, to see that God/Goddess doesn't make mistakes in creation, to include creating you (in general sense). We all serve a function in living and being a member of the human race. Life isn't perfect and that is what handmade plates are--not perfect but, unique and precious in every flaw, chip, ding and break. Corny as it may be, the film "A Wonderful Life" shows how one person affects other people. Without you (in general) it might have been a much different result for many who you (in general) touch. The neighbor, parents, buddies/friends, children, customers, the BDSM community and individuals in that community, et.al. We, (in general) should not have to wait until death to know how much your (in general) life affected/effected others. This is why some fight hard to really push others to see what they see in you (in general); as to see how valuable you really are--not for just what you have done but, what you had become as an individual and the worthwhile efforts done in your life, inside and outside BDSM. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

denika -> RE: Value of Self (4/2/2007 8:34:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I am curious to hear other people’s opinions on how they feel valuable. Where does your value of self and your value in your relationships come from? If you equate your value with what you do, do you lose value when you are no longer able to do those things? Knight’s kyra For the longest time I struggled with seperating my personal value from my work, my job became a personal discriptor. It fed many of my natural needs but in the end it was also eating away at who I was as a person, not to mention at my personal life because all I did was work When I was no longer able to work in that industry due to an injury it was devistating. I was lost and the only way I found inner peace was a lovely combination of darvon,T-3's and percaset-- They were prescribed at the time ( My left knee was shattered when a morbidly obese patient fell on me) but they helped me to stop thinking. Rob was the one who finally confronted me once I started to walk again but was still using to keep my mind quiet. he knew something was up because I was quiet s That was about 5 years ago.... I still struggle with seperatine Self from work and even body image, I have value despite being chubby s Rob has been instramental in helping me learn to like myself, I know he values me for more than just what I do. Many have judged him because I make more in my career (which is just a stupid thing to judge someone by) to us it is inconsequential, I value him for his un-questianable love, for his sense of humor for his ability to keep me safe even from myself, to see life even in the darkest times. for just being the person that he is. I know he values me for my sense of humor, my indiependence and the fact he is never really sure just what I will do next s denika

LadyHugs -> RE: Value of Self (4/2/2007 8:58:32 PM)
Dear kyraofMists, Ladies and Gentlemen; I do recognize the same attitude and behavior with your father and his disabilities and my father's age, then prostrate cancer that wasn't able to be operated as the prostrate and cancer involved other organs. He was suffering from a weak heart (unknowingly to him and family) until his heart attack. But, for my father--like yours, brought up in the era of "The Greatest Generation," coming home from WWII, with the male role as to be the sole provider and the mother at home, the job of wife, mother and keeping house. My mother wasn't much of a support or physically comforting my father. Like your father, mine was shattered as he got old and had trouble doing what he did for decades. Mother kept pushing him hard like he was still 30. I told her he was killing himself to please her. Even ill -- he was so depressed and I made sure that my father knew in my eyes he was always a 'man' and not a has-been. No matter if he was flat on his back and unable to move, he would always be my Daddy Lion. I made sure my father was physically hugged, kissed and loved--doing what I think mother should have done but, mother is well -- negative and self-serving. Even while Dad was having a severe heart attack, she was taking her time to primp as to go to the hospital and we both waited in the car--shesh. He made it to the hospital in time and a sweet and loving patient. He and I are similiar in personality traits. So, when he was released and came home, I think he knew that he wouldn't be able to provide and do things like he did, might have willed himself to death. He died in his favorite living room chair four hours after release from the hospital. His death still grips my heart and go very emotional. So, kyraofMists-- I do understand completely. My father at times thought of committing suicide. When he talked like that--I think it was most important to tell him how much he was loved and valued. Alive, he could teach me how to check the boiler, the water pressure and doing the jobs he use to do and I was able to do. I am so glad that he didn't commit suicide. I'm glad I put a halt in my personal life to support and give physical love and affectionate hugs and pecks on his cheek and be care giver and provide help to both parents. Although my mother treated him like rubbish--she regrets it now and she has to live for the remaining years with the choices she made in treating father and I. My mother is still pea green with envy, as to this very day--people still remember my father fondly and with sincere sense of loss and speak in reverence of him. In the stores, the banks, the gas station and every place he use to go. My father didn't see his value. But, I saw it all along. I think we all see other's values and tend to overlook our own. I think at times it is due to being genuinely humble. At times it is due to loving others and being compassionate and thus, give to others what we can afford to give in many ways and or forms. A 'giver.' I just pray that I can die in grace like my father. To die at home, around family and peacefully and not die in a manner that risks other's lives, like sudden death while driving a car on the road and then accidents, etc. I do know my father died knowing that he was loved. The rest would just be assumptions of what he was thinking before a second silent heart attack killed him within four hours of coming home. Perhaps sharing my father's life in a brief 'in camera snap shot form' and his death is one lesson out of many others, to which other forum readers can share. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

kyraofMists -> RE: Value of Self (4/3/2007 3:56:37 AM)
LadyHugs, Thank you for sharing. Fortunately my mother is extremely supportive of him and though he will never work again he is in a much better place mentally and emotionally. It has also helped that at the end of last year they both became grandparents and it has now become a blessing for him that he doesn't work. He can go be granddad at my brother and sitster-in-laws house whenever the mood strikes him. Thank you again Knight's kyra

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