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Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 5:30:03 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Are we sometimes guilty of acting as if we are in the perfect relationship, we are totally self-actualized, and everything is always sunshine and roses? Sometimes when I read posts, I start thinking, "You have to be kidding...don't you guys ever fight or anything?" Master and I had a talk about that today- how we used to fight a lot, and thankfully we've moved past  a lot of that, but it took real work on both our parts to get there. I was stubborn and untrusting, and not mature enough to be the slave I needed to be. I made excuses for poor behavior, and I ranted at times when I knew I was clearly in the wrong. Now, if you ask me now how things are, I'd say "perfect", but the truth is it was made "perfect" through lots of trials and tribulations. ( and of course, we're nowhere close to perfect, but we're always working toward improvement.) I just wonder if we make unattached people think that when they get involved in a relationship like ours, it's supposed to be better than regular relationships. Maybe some of those "demanding" profiles are a result of someone thinking they have to have the perfect partner right from the start rather than going through the work. Personally, I like posts where people say.."hey, I screwed up" or "I was jealous when" or " I got my feelings hurt when he...." . It speaks to the real challenges we all face at times, even the " perfect ones." What do you think? Have you ever been guilty of trying to "look good" on the boards and sort of leave out the the parts that aren't so perfect? Master told me recently I was "showing off" when I wrote about liking marks from a cane and a paddle, and in a way he was right, I despise paddles, ( I just like the marks they make after!)So, what are you guilty of sugar-coating about yourself or your relationship?
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 5:36:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is why sometimes I will caveat my posts by saying "This is the corniest thing ever, but I'm still going to say it" so that people can be awre that *I* know this might sound a little too good to be true.

I think there's an attitude you get over time which lets people know whether you're really just doing it well, or TRYING to act like it's all perfect.  Over time you can fine tune your radar top ick up on this attitude.

And time itself proves everything out in the end anyway.

I am fully aware that sometimes I may sound like it's too good to be true- *I* feel overly blessed most of the time myself.  And I've been in that state of mind where it's been two months since I've seen my master, let alone played with them or gone out to eat with them and I just want to smash the next person who talks about how it's not a big deal when you get annoyed very very hard against the closest concrete wall.

But you gotta realize we're all in our own places, and we're all dealing with our choices.  I only hope we're all being true to ourselves and creating the happiness we want.  I have no idea how I got so blessed in some ways, but I do know I was smart enough to realize after a year that I needed to get serious with this or I'd lose the best thing that ever happened to me.

If people perceive me as rose colored because of that...I guess that's ok.  I think I know better :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 5:51:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		We have had disagreements. We talk to each other about those things, not all of you. It is none of my business when people do not get along, and frankly I do not want to know what other people have going on in their relationships. I never got the idea that people are perfect because they do not talk about their relationship issues on CM. I assumed that people like to keep their personal stuff personal. There is nothing wrong with that

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 5:53:58 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Perfect? No, I don't believe perfection exists with humans, but we can always strive for it.

My slavery to him was a struggle for a long time.  Due to some huge hurdles I overcame, it no longer is.  It is not perfect, but one can be peaceful and content with imperfection.  For me, the struggle is gone.  We do not fight anymore because I have been trained to deal with upsets differently than fighting (that was a struggle, too!).  I certainly don't try to go around touting greatness in my relationship - it is what it is.  For some, my relationship would be terrible.  For others, nearly perfect.  I am happy in it, which tends to result in my expressing that type of sentiment.  What others think of it may or may not be accurate.


(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 5:54:57 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well Master and I have issues like anyone else in a relationship. I don't post personal information on the forums because of respect for Master. Anyone that pretends to have a perfect relationship is just fooling themselves.  I don't think it is right to air dirty laundry in the forums without checking with Master first.  I say what I think and what I feel,  this is from experience and likes. So if thats rose colored, so be it.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 6:04:51 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		LA..I totally understand the part about feeling like you are blessed! I certainly feel that way most of the time, and as for the wall.....I definitely know what that feels like!

Julia- It's not that I want to be nosy, per se....it's just that it sometimes makes me feel a little better when I know some of those "perfect" couples have experienced some of the same problems as I have in my relationship. I don't mean for people to air out all their dirty laundry in public, but sometimes talking about HOW they worked through those things is helpful. Still, I do respect someone's opinion to keep it all to themselves.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 6:06:20 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that work is inherent to any relationship of worth.
We make a conscious effort to approach difficult times, disagreements (which, actually, are amazingly rare...Daddy really does decide...) and misunderstandings as opportunities to build trust, communicate openly, and reach greater understanding.
I would never turn to virtual strangers for advice regarding what I perceive as an issue or problem in our relationship before I went to him with it, nor would I do so afterward, because it would be settled by then.
I might share something I learned through a difficult time, but it would not be specific, as it wouldnt need to be in order to communicate the heart of the matter, and that's all that really matters.
Im in the healthiest, happiest, most open, honest and loving relationship of my life. That's not me glossing over the work...that includes the hard work we've done and will continue to do.

As for the BDSM stuff...yeah, there are times when I hate what he does to me. But, it comes with the package...and just as often I find myself yearning for him to do something really really mean and awful to me...so when Im in a place where Im not happy as a clam about some physical sensation, I remember it's part of the package. If he didnt hurt me his way, in his time, it would lose a lot of its power for me and Id not be taken to the kinds of sublime places he takes me the way it is now.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 6:12:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I will only say this. I do not desire a completely blissful relationship that never has any controversy in it whatsoever at all. I would not mind getting to the point where we never have disagreements anymore, but I am not regretful for the most part of the disagreements that we have had. We are closer because of them for one, we learn about each other for another, and nothing worth having comes without effort. The "work" part of what we have is worth doing, if it were not then I would not be with him anymore.

I have learned that he is reasonable, mature, kind, has integrity, does not hit below the belt, is more interested in growing than holding grudges, he does not have to be always right, he can admit when he is wrong, and he would never intentionally hurt me because of our disagreements... I know that sounds a bit corny, probably sounds like I have rose colored glasses, but I seriously think we learn more about a person when the chips are down than we do when everything is happy happy joy joy

If my first response was a bit strong, sorry, but I am such a loyal person I cannot imagine posting something negative about my Daddy... there just seems no reason to.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 6:16:39 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

Have you ever been guilty of trying to "look good" on the boards and sort of leave out the the parts that aren't so perfect?


I don't think we have done that.  I don't hide that who I am does not fit most people's idea of a slave and we don't hide that it is a real struggle to deal with the distance and the challenges we face with that.  There are some things that we do not talk about, most especially if we are still working through the issue.  That is more out of respect for each other than an effort to look good.  Typically, I will discuss the things we struggle with once it has been worked through and after getting his permission.  Then the discussion generally revolves around what I have learned about myself, so it is focused on something positive.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 7:02:43 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Owned girlie, I  Love this.....
"It is not perfect, but one can be peaceful and content with imperfection.  For me, the struggle is gone.  We do not fight anymore because I have been trained to deal with upsets differently than fighting (that was a struggle, too!)"
That really hit home with me. I had to learn to react in different ways to correction ,and disappointments, too.

SweetnurseBBW , you said, "I don't post personal information on the forums because of respect for Master. "...there's something to be said for that, too. We've all seen posts that made us wonder what their Master did think after reading it.

justheather.."Im in the healthiest, happiest, most open, honest and loving relationship of my life. That's not me glossing over the work...that includes the hard work we've done and will continue to do. "
Bravo! I didn't mean to imply that it was always glossing over to say things are good. I understand exactly what you are saying here. It is the best relationship I've ever been in, too..but I appreciate the efforts that got us here. I know for me, sometimes I don't think about all it took to get to this point, and I might make it sound too easy for someone new.
 
Julia, don't worry about your post sounding too strong! That's the point of the board..to ask questions and get responses. Your response is appreciated. Made me see another side.
 
Kyra...Just to let you know..one of your best posts to me was when you talked about working through jealousy issues. That's the moment you became more of a person I could relate to. I am amazed at how well you have worked through your difficulties and it's encouraging to know that if you want something bad enough, things like distance are not barriers.



< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 4/1/2007 7:04:25 PM >

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 7:04:35 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I agree most people online are going to mainly talk about the pleasant aspects of their relationships.
Many of us are not going into details, about the problems in our personal life on the internet.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 7:08:23 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		My boyfriend/lil girl and I often ask each other how we both got so lucky as to find each other. We try very hard not to take each other for granted or forget how lucky each of us are to have found the other. Sure we have our differences but we also spend a lot of time talking through things so that I generally have nothing but good stuff to think about or write about online. I'm not trying to pretend that I have a perfect relationship, but I know it's a hell of a lot better than I ever imagined one could be! Guess there are just a lot of happy people here, and who can complain about that?

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/1/2007 8:55:34 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		yes, we are in love, yes we are happy, happier than either of us have ever were before we met. But, we are a real couple. We have been living together for a year this month and it has been an adventure. We have had some ups and downs learning to deal with old baggage and life in general. However, neither of us have had a moment of regret about being together. We both feel blessed but know that it needs communication and trust, as well as the love we feel. i know it may sound corny but its the truth. We are getting married next Feb and are looking forward to growing old together.
hugs
c

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 3:07:24 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

We have had disagreements. We talk to each other about those things, not all of you. It is none of my business when people do not get along, and frankly I do not want to know what other people have going on in their relationships. I never got the idea that people are perfect because they do not talk about their relationship issues on CM. I assumed that people like to keep their personal stuff personal. There is nothing wrong with that


I have to agree with you Julia. I think there are many couples here who do not wish to discuss issues in their relationship with anyone but each other. The only people that really know what goes on in a relationship are the two people involved in it. I do not even discuss any problems I might have in the relationship with my family. The only person that counts is my partner. Only the two of us can resolve any issues we might have.

I often worry when people come here asking for advice on relatiohship matters. It is very hard to give advice without knowing both people involved and both sides of the issue, so any advice given is skewed by the amount of information that the original poster gives.

Personally I do think I am in a fantastic relationship, but as I have said before, that has nothing to do with the type of relationship I am in and has everything to do with the person I am involved with. Every relationship requires work and nothing starts out perfect. For us it was hard as I was in my mid 40's and had never lived with anyone before. He was late 30's and a widower, having had a wife/slave for over 8 years. So both of us had a lot of adjusting to do. Of course we had arguments but we were able to talk to each other and sort things out between us, which has made us stronger as a couple. 

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 3:22:19 AM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it becomes pretty apparent after awhile - those who act as if their relationships are always rainbows and butterflies.  Perhaps they are.  There was another thread about wanting something so badly you convince yourself it's true.  It could also be a classic example of that.
 
I think it's great when people shout from the mountain tops how happy they are or share small incidents or stories.  LA, for instance, does this all the time....but they are tempered with reality.  They're interesting and refreshing because of this.  She doesn't act like she arrived at this point on the bus rather than through hard work. 
 
My relationship is not perfect.  I am so far from perfect.  As is my deliciously flawed, naturally strong, dominant man of my dreams.   I talk about this in different venues and choose not to do it here.
 
"I love my Master because of - not in spite of."  Sometimes it is just better to let it go at that.


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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 3:53:39 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		    I have to agree with both Julia and Susie.     There are some personal things that people tend not to share, therefore others my consider the relationship a bit too perfect.      

(in reply to susie)
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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 6:18:00 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I don't honestly believe there is such a thing as absolute perfection, but I do believe that my husband is my perfect fit. We really do have an awesome relationship. Both of us being dominant means that on occasion we do "butt heads"... but those times are few and far between, have no harsh words involved and when it happens it's actually funny to watch. We both are competitive and that's something we love about each other. I don't "let" him win at darts, in fact, when I do win I'm real cocky about it which makes him work harder to beat me the next time (which he does). I suck at pool, he beats me all the time, which makes me work harder to be better at it.
 
We really do have wonderful communication between us and we really do talk about anything and everything and our home really is a peaceful place. As I have said many times before, my husband is the reason I get up at the crack of dawn every day, the reason for my complete happiness, he is my best friend, my lover, my confidante', my soul mate and my reason for being. If that isn't perfection, or damn close to it, I don't know what is. And I don't own a pair of rose colored glasses.
 
Jewel

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 4/2/2007 6:19:07 AM >

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 6:51:02 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Nothing is ever perfect.  Nothing is ever all good.  If it was, it would simply not be human.  Far as i know, the only person/thing that has ever come close to being perfect is the man they called Jesus/God and if you cant claim that title - then one has no right (or sense) to claim the title perfect.

Unfortunetly - alot of people like to try and claim the title perfect through actions or the way they speak about things.  They forget to add in the human nature element.  Yet, its also human nature to hide the imperfectness of things.  I understand this and when thinking about things and people - i add it into the mix of whatever is being said.  Except for those who go out of their way to prove (by word or deed) that they ARE perfect, i always wonder what are they trying to hide. 

i for one, refuse to come off as even close to perfect.  i refuse to be anything other then human.  i refuse to be anything other then myself, and i refuse to dellusion those around me that i am perfect.  i prefer to be real.  Sometimes i wonder, that if i can just show ppl that its okay not to be perfect - that maybe they'll catch a clue. 

BUT - then i run into those who want to use my imperfectiveness as a reason to get high on their horse.  Its comical and frustrating and usually leads me to wanting to kick their pedastool out from under their feet.  Splat! They come crashing back down to earth.

Ah well - one day ppl will get that one neednt be perfect to still be a good person.  One neednt have a perfect relationship to still have a good one. Life is flawed, ppl are flawed, relationships are flawed.   Until then, i'll do my part and continually prove how fucked up i am.  Some one, some where, will either catch on or atleast benefit.  What have i got to lose?  (they might.... oh no... call me human?)


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 7:06:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My husband and I just celebrated our fifth anniversary last month.  He's not My sub, but as it is a relationship question, I'll stick with My experience with him for My reply.

I can truthfully say that We are probably happier today then when We first got married.  It doesn't mean there weren't bumps along the road in getting here.  Relationships are work and you usually get out of them what you put into them.  During the bumpy times, We've always been more the types to talk with each other rather than putting our problems out there for all of the world to see.  On occassion, yes, I've talked with close friends or confidants for advice, but that's a little different to Me than, for example, using this type of forum.  I'm just not willing to take private to the public level.


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RE: Through Rose-Colored Glasses - 4/2/2007 7:12:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I agree with Julia. Any issues between Master and I, are between Master and I. I don't think that posting our issues in a forum where no one knows either of us, would solve any of those issues.

I'm always quick to point out that real life has a way of intruding into our fantasties of a utopian D/s life. Honest to God, sometimes we just fight like married people.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
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