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What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:04:41 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		Fear of the known (i.e. being told what is about to happen to you and having to wait in anticipation)?

Or fear of the unknown (i.e. having absolutely no idea what's coming next)?

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho
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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:14:46 PM   
MSUgirl


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline 		fear of the known, i hate anticipation more than anything

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:23:09 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Known....it's all about the anticipation/fear/dread/ and even excitement...the seconds before candle wax drips, the moment before a needle pierces the skin...the hesitation before the fall of a paddle (which I hate)...

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:24:29 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		Yeah, I think I'll agree there. I think that fear of something that is known can be worse because your mind has the ability to make it bigger and badder (I know, not a word) than it really might be when it -finally- happens.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:29:07 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		For me, fear of the known is worse. My mind immediately begins to go into "manage" mode and figure out how it is that Im going to deal with whatever it is that's coming... an exercise in futility really, as control is an illusion and I dont know what Im really going to think, feel, and do until Im in the moment.
Not knowing what's coming offers me an opportunity to really fully surrender to the moment and find myself okay in whatever the "it" turns out to be. It also provides me with a chance to surrender more readily to him because I dont have expend the energy to take that extra step (letting go of the urge to manage).

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:35:40 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Fear of the known (i.e. being told what is about to happen to you and having to wait in anticipation)?

Or fear of the unknown (i.e. having absolutely no idea what's coming next)?





In life, fear of the unknown is worse.
In BDSM I think fear of the known: Things are always more intense if I tell my submissive that he will punished the next day,
and what I am going to do.
Then he dwells on it!
Smythe


_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:41:03 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		depends on what each is :)

I would say that fear of the known in BDSM is worse. I have had been in relationships where I knew the person wanted to really push my limits and they used my fear to really expand my submission.

< Message edited by SlaveBlutarsky -- 4/1/2007 8:27:06 PM >

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 7:43:08 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have a different take on this.  If I know what's coming, I can work through any fears about it through visualization, research, contemplation and conversation.  If I don't know what's coming, then there's nothing to think about because it could be anything...so why let my mind take unnecessary trips?  These are the times I rely on my trust and faith in him, and in myself, too, to be able to do what he requires of me.

Usually I do not know what's coming.  When it's something huge, I do, so I can work through the fear in advance. 

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 8:33:15 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Fear of the known (i.e. being told what is about to happen to you and having to wait in anticipation)?

Or fear of the unknown (i.e. having absolutely no idea what's coming next)?


Fear of the known is worse IMO. Especially in a scene. I almost always tense up, and that never makes things better.

If i know what's coming, I go into 'defense' mode, and am usually not able to enjoy whatever is being done to me like I could.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 8:41:12 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Fear of the unknown is worse for me

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 9:21:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Unknown.  The seed and secret to every great mindfuck is sustaining a sincere sense of doubt.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 9:25:01 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Umm, I fear the known.  If it's unknown, then for all you know, there's no reason to fear it.

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RE: What's worse? - 4/1/2007 9:31:08 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I was at a party last night where I was cuffed and blindfolded. I knew nothing would happen that was on my list of limits, but there were plenty of things that I agreed to allow. I knew there would be a few different scenes with different people, but had no clue who or what had been chosen for me. The anxiety was very high because I had no clue what to prepare for. I'm new enough that almost anything that would happen would be something totally new in my experience. Facing the unknown, with no clues other than knowing I wouldn't be seriously hurt, was more scary than facing my first scene. At least in my very first scene I knew what was going to happen, even if I didn't know how I'd respond.

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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 3:05:17 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Years ago I would of said Fear of the Known But  I was involved once in a wicked Mindfuck so totaly freaked me out I wanted to run out of the room
so now- I say Fear of the unknown because I have no idea if or when that that would come in to play again.
Fear it- but Holy toledo Exciting

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 3:09:55 AM   
Daurazor


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		The fear of the unknown is worse, IMHO.  You can't prepare physically or mentally for what you aren't expecting.

I would love to knw what the mindfuck was swtnsparking?

Peace!

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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 3:27:46 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Umm, I fear the known.  If it's unknown, then for all you know, there's no reason to fear it.


This was my immediate response.  How can you be afraid of something you have no knowledge of?  Its simply an undefined entity that could go either way.  I think, personally, I have pretty good defenses against "unknowns" because so much of my life revolves around them that, of necessity, I've learned not to even think about what I don't/can't know and kind of shrug that particular anxiety off.

I can do pretty much anything once (within reason, of course).  Its the second and third and fourth...times that get to me because the first time gives me something for my mind to work on.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 4:27:59 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Fear of the known (i.e. being told what is about to happen to you and having to wait in anticipation)?

Or fear of the unknown (i.e. having absolutely no idea what's coming next)?

Fear of the known, hands down

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 4:38:51 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		If I'm going to do something really painful, it intensifies if she knows it is coming and thinks about it. If she is blindfolded or something and has no idea what is going on, well, sure, the unknown will enhance things. Depends.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 5:24:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		When I saw the topic, I was reminded of a scientific study that was done some time ago that the results were on a news show.  The basic concept was the reaction of the brain's electronic pulses (fear) in anticipation of receiving a shot (needles).  In most cases, the activity in the brain and anxiety were higher before the needle was inserted into the skin, then when the actual pain was inflicted.  Knowing the pain was coming was more intense than the physical pain itself.  Just a yummy little factoid.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
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RE: What's worse? - 4/2/2007 5:28:31 AM   
LVpet


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		For me it would be the fear of the unknown.  My imagination will take over and create scenarios that end up being far worse than what actually occurs.

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