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grlneedstolearn -> Concerned (4/2/2007 10:09:09 AM)
Good morning, i'm not sure where exactly to post this so i decided to start here. Anyways, my Dom and i played last Thursday and i'm pretty sure i overstepped the boundary when i told him that if we would have known my job situation that we could have played longer. To which he replied that he only comes down here to play (he finally has work to do). Yes i was stunned a little bit about it but was able to shake it off. But now it seems that he's either hiding something or that there's something else going on, and i'm afraid that it has to do with me but not sure. i did im him last night like i was supposed to, and called him this morning when i got up like i was supposed to, but something doesn't seem right. i than decided to im him back to try to figure something out, so i'm just now waiting to see if and when he does reply. Yes this does hurt on the inside since we have always been open to each other until recently. Does anyone else have any experience with this and how did you manage to get over it? Any other suggestions would be greatly helpful. Thank you

MsKatHouston -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:13:26 AM)
I don't really understand what the issue is. Are you concerned that what he said meant that all you have is play and no deeper relationship? It seems like until you know what exactly the issue is, or even if there actually is an issue, there is not much to do. Talk about your concerns with your partner. Right now, from what little I got from the post, that's all I can recommend.

mixielicous -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:13:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn when i told him that if we would have known my job situation that we could have played longer. To which he replied that he only comes down here to play (he finally has work to do). Yes i was stunned a little bit about it but was able to shake it off. Thank you huh??

mnottertail -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:14:48 AM)
I think you need to calm down a bit. Sometimes after a heavy interplay (and sometimes for no reason) womens intuition is akimbo. Slow down and see how it plays out, not always bad news. Ron

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:16:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston I don't really understand what the issue is. Are you concerned that what he said meant that all you have is play and no deeper relationship? It seems like until you know what exactly the issue is, or even if there actually is an issue, there is not much to do. Talk about your concerns with your partner. Right now, from what little I got from the post, that's all I can recommend. Sorry, i'll try to clarify it further. After my Dom and i talked on Thursday it seems like he isn't willing to talk to me as much anymore. And i'm not sure if this stems from our Thursday conversation or if there is something else bothering him that he doesn't want to share. Hopefully this makes a little more sense to you

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:17:05 AM)
i'm trying to forget it but something doesn't seem right for some reason

juliaoceania -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:17:17 AM)
I would suggest you show him this thread and ask him point blank if something has changed or if you did something wrong. It may have nothing to do with you at all. I would think that it would be a relief to know it was something entirely unrelated to you. I am very empathic when it comes to my Daddy, I sense when things are not "right". I used to internalize this as something I did wrong, some dissatisfaction with me. Over and over again I would ask if I had done something wrong, but invariably it was something unrelated to me entirely. In other words it was usually work, money issues, or family issues that were troubling him. Now I assume it is something else, not me, that is getting to him. I ask him if he wants to share it, and wait patiently for him to do so. None of us can answer your question, only he can. While I never ask a question that I do not desire the answer to, at the same time some questions have to be asked. It sounds like being blunt is called for in this case... even if you get an answer that you did not want, it will only prolong eventually getting it.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:25:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would suggest you show him this thread and ask him point blank if something has changed or if you did something wrong. It may have nothing to do with you at all. I would think that it would be a relief to know it was something entirely unrelated to you. I am very empathic when it comes to my Daddy, I sense when things are not "right". I used to internalize this as something I did wrong, some dissatisfaction with me. Over and over again I would ask if I had done something wrong, but invariably it was something unrelated to me entirely. In other words it was usually work, money issues, or family issues that were troubling him. Now I assume it is something else, not me, that is getting to him. I ask him if he wants to share it, and wait patiently for him to do so. None of us can answer your question, only he can. While I never ask a question that I do not desire the answer to, at the same time some questions have to be asked. It sounds like being blunt is called for in this case... even if you get an answer that you did not want, it will only prolong eventually getting it. Thank you, i am soo hoping that it does have nothing to do with me, but until i know for a certain fact....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:25:53 AM)
I'm fairly confused about all this as well. However, don't do the typical thing of starting to blame yourself when he's the one who is changing things around. Don't get yourself worked up over something that might be nothing. Ask him your questions and see where this goes. You can very easily make the mistake of getting too involved too fast. Just let it flow and talk it out.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:27:47 AM)
Ok thank you LA

hereyesruponyou -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:29:33 AM)
You can ask him, but if he's not ready to share, you won't get a straight answer. Try to let this one go, unless it is just part of a pattern you've recently noticed. Intuition can be very telling, but it can also lead us in the complete wrong direction at times too. Only hindsight is really 20/20. Better to ask and feel you did your part, than to let it tear you up inside and possibly tearthe two of you apart for no reason.

mixielicous -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:29:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn quote: ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston I don't really understand what the issue is. Are you concerned that what he said meant that all you have is play and no deeper relationship? It seems like until you know what exactly the issue is, or even if there actually is an issue, there is not much to do. Talk about your concerns with your partner. Right now, from what little I got from the post, that's all I can recommend. Sorry, i'll try to clarify it further. After my Dom and i talked on Thursday it seems like he isn't willing to talk to me as much anymore. And i'm not sure if this stems from our Thursday conversation or if there is something else bothering him that he doesn't want to share. Hopefully this makes a little more sense to you if you think a piece of the conversation triggered a change, than you need to outright ask Him "is there something i said the other night that made you realize something about our relationship? You seem to be acting differently"

veronicaboundcd -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 10:36:11 AM)
If there are issues in your mind about this relationship, you need to discuss this with Him ..in person or by phone .... not by email or messenger, and get things out on the table. It may be nothing at all, or there may be a problem ... you will never know until you ask, and discuss everything. You need to be open and honest with Him about your concerns, and He should be open and honest with you, by addressing them.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 11:24:42 AM)
Yes we both are honest about our feelings and can talk to each other about anything. i know that he is working today but he usually gets back to my phone message within a couple hours, (after his work is done), but not today. So right now i'm just praying and hoping that his work is taking longer than expected.

curiouslyseeking -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 11:37:38 AM)
*May I ask how long you've had this relationship?* *And how do you think he would react if he read this thread?* *Always,* *curious*

MistressNoName -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 11:49:22 AM)
My two-cents. I'm in agreement with everyone so far who has suggested that you speak honestly and openly about your concerns. I would suggest to you another approach, however. I attended a training once (related to my occupation) and the trainer suggested that sometimes it's better to make a statement than ask a question. I agree with that idea. That instead of asking whether something you said triggered a reaction in him, to simply state outright whatever it is that you are worrying yourself about and then allow him to respond to your concerns. His silence may or may not have anything at all to do with you or anything that you said. We don't really know yet. Still, you have no doubt replayed the scene in your head at least a thousand times...so for sure you know what's bothering you. So communicate that to him and hopefully an honest, direct discussion can come of it. And be prepared to maybe hear some things you might not want to hear or that you may not like to hear. That's all part of the process. Peace, MNN

CreativeDominant -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 12:05:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Good morning, i'm not sure where exactly to post this so i decided to start here. Anyways, my Dom and i played last Thursday and i'm pretty sure i overstepped the boundary when i told him that if we would have known my job situation that we could have played longer. To which he replied that he only comes down here to play (he finally has work to do). Yes i was stunned a little bit about it but was able to shake it off. But now it seems that he's either hiding something or that there's something else going on, and i'm afraid that it has to do with me but not sure. i did im him last night like i was supposed to, and called him this morning when i got up like i was supposed to, but something doesn't seem right. i than decided to im him back to try to figure something out, so i'm just now waiting to see if and when he does reply. Yes this does hurt on the inside since we have always been open to each other until recently. Does anyone else have any experience with this and how did you manage to get over it? Any other suggestions would be greatly helpful. Thank you Hello grl...the problem here is that what he said can be interpreted several ways even if we had the gist of the entire conversation and we don't, which can lead to further speculation. Without knowing him and without knowing your relationship and with no bias one way or the other, here are some of those things he may have meant by stating : "I only come down to play...." a. I need to get back because the new job is hard, I want to hang onto it, so I have to get my rest so I am at work on time b. If it wasn't for you and how much fun I have with you, I wouldn't make this drive c. I am not interested in a full-blown D/s relationship with you but I do love the way you play d. I have another submissive that I have begun seeing/talking to that is more interested than you are in a full D/s relationship but she won't play yet but you will and do and so, I come down to play...BUT nothing more. e. I'm tired and stressed after a hard day and I really don't want to deal with other parts of the relationship during the work week except play f. On and on and on............................... As has been noted, the only way to find out is to communicate fully what you felt and ask him. Others have noted that it may be best to let it go. I disagree...given the ambiguity of his statement...and all the things that can be meant by that statement...and all the things that you've thought of...I don't think you are going to just let it go. You may hold it in and it will eventually die away due to actions of his that prove that it was just an oddity...not a well-thought-out statement on his part...or his continuing actions, though they may in and of themselves be completely innocent but uncaring/discourteous/too casual bring the festering sore to an explosion. Better to talk about it now. *DISCLAIMER: The above is MOO. Though clearly stated that I was speculating and presenting possible ideas for consideration that were given without prejudice nor knowledge of this couple's dynamic, my words may be misconstrued by some as me trying to come off as Lord High Protector of fairly new submissives. That interpretation would be your own and not mine...and does not fit the clearly articulated paragraphs above...therefore, I cannot and will not be held liable for any injury to your brain from such a contortionistic twisting of my intentions*

opensoul -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 5:12:05 PM)
After reading your post, I like you will think the worst like what I did wrong ,does he not want me anymore or many other things. I have learned that open talks on the phone or in person are the only way to ask this up front. I am new to this lifestyle but have always done this. Remember you are only think the worst and let other thoughts and feeling come in. I agree with others that say you need to relax and let it flow.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 6:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Good morning, i'm not sure where exactly to post this so i decided to start here. Anyways, my Dom and i played last Thursday and i'm pretty sure i overstepped the boundary when i told him that if we would have known my job situation that we could have played longer. To which he replied that he only comes down here to play (he finally has work to do). Yes i was stunned a little bit about it but was able to shake it off. But now it seems that he's either hiding something or that there's something else going on, and i'm afraid that it has to do with me but not sure. i did im him last night like i was supposed to, and called him this morning when i got up like i was supposed to, but something doesn't seem right. i than decided to im him back to try to figure something out, so i'm just now waiting to see if and when he does reply. Yes this does hurt on the inside since we have always been open to each other until recently. Does anyone else have any experience with this and how did you manage to get over it? Any other suggestions would be greatly helpful. Thank you Hello grl...the problem here is that what he said can be interpreted several ways even if we had the gist of the entire conversation and we don't, which can lead to further speculation. Without knowing him and without knowing your relationship and with no bias one way or the other, here are some of those things he may have meant by stating : "I only come down to play...." a. I need to get back because the new job is hard, I want to hang onto it, so I have to get my rest so I am at work on time b. If it wasn't for you and how much fun I have with you, I wouldn't make this drive c. I am not interested in a full-blown D/s relationship with you but I do love the way you play d. I have another submissive that I have begun seeing/talking to that is more interested than you are in a full D/s relationship but she won't play yet but you will and do and so, I come down to play...BUT nothing more. e. I'm tired and stressed after a hard day and I really don't want to deal with other parts of the relationship during the work week except play f. On and on and on............................... As has been noted, the only way to find out is to communicate fully what you felt and ask him. Others have noted that it may be best to let it go. I disagree...given the ambiguity of his statement...and all the things that can be meant by that statement...and all the things that you've thought of...I don't think you are going to just let it go. You may hold it in and it will eventually die away due to actions of his that prove that it was just an oddity...not a well-thought-out statement on his part...or his continuing actions, though they may in and of themselves be completely innocent but uncaring/discourteous/too casual bring the festering sore to an explosion. Better to talk about it now. *DISCLAIMER: The above is MOO. Though clearly stated that I was speculating and presenting possible ideas for consideration that were given without prejudice nor knowledge of this couple's dynamic, my words may be misconstrued by some as me trying to come off as Lord High Protector of fairly new submissives. That interpretation would be your own and not mine...and does not fit the clearly articulated paragraphs above...therefore, I cannot and will not be held liable for any injury to your brain from such a contortionistic twisting of my intentions* ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! i'll choose (B) for $500 [;)]

Griswold -> RE: Concerned (4/2/2007 7:20:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Good morning, i'm not sure where exactly to post this so i decided to start here. Anyways, my Dom and i played last Thursday and i'm pretty sure i overstepped the boundary when i told him that if we would have known my job situation that we could have played longer. To which he replied that he only comes down here to play (he finally has work to do). Yes i was stunned a little bit about it but was able to shake it off. But now it seems that he's either hiding something or that there's something else going on, and i'm afraid that it has to do with me but not sure. i did im him last night like i was supposed to, and called him this morning when i got up like i was supposed to, but something doesn't seem right. i than decided to im him back to try to figure something out, so i'm just now waiting to see if and when he does reply. Yes this does hurt on the inside since we have always been open to each other until recently. Does anyone else have any experience with this and how did you manage to get over it? Any other suggestions would be greatly helpful. Thank you Chill. It all works out. Relax.

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