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Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 11:52:41 AM

goodlittlegrl29

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline

So i'm a bit down this week because this weekend my Master and i were together and things were going well until he decided that he was going to collar me and then I felt very awkward. I thought that since we had met things had went very well between us and there hadn't been any major issues that have come up. I was new to the lifestyle and picked up things very quickly and then once I found out about collaring, i thought that it was the right choice for me and that He was someone i wanted to be collared to. I asked Him for more time and i had my reasons for it to which i tried to explain but it seemed to be insufficent for Him and i believed He was dissapointed as well. I felt badly in dissapointing Him and now it just feels a little strange between us and i just don't know what i should do about it. I wanted to know from people with experience when do you think a person should accept a collar and the types of things they should take in to account when doing so? Thanks in advance for your response...

Post #: 1

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 11:58:05 AM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm ... I have been married to my husband for nine months (this in a way is a collar in and of itself) ... but ... I still don't have a D/s collar. We both feel that I still have a lot of training to go through before the timing is right to offer me a collar and to have a collaring ceremony. We only believe in one collar, the one that represents ownership. We don't believe in training collars, collars of protection, etc. But that's just our belief.

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Post #: 2

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 12:07:25 PM

daejannaO

Posts: 137
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i feel that you are just going with your instincts in not wanting to be collared so soon in this relationship. it is you taking a step backwards in order to see the whole picture. sometimes Masters want to get a hold of a good thing too soon. i think that a Master should stay with their sub, always guiding them, always assessing them, always teaching and responding to what they have to say. listening to and loving their subs is always a key to unlocking a heart.

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 3

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 12:15:37 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I'm thinking that there's some unstated communication about what a collar means for the two of you. It might be more for fun for one of you and much more serious for the other and you're subconsiously picking up on that. Have you sat and talked about what it means?

Master Fire

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(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 4

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 12:54:12 PM

goodlittlegrl29

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline

Master Fire, i know the meaning of the collar and both my Master think it is a very serious thing. I do still want Him to collar me, i care about Him and i know He feels the same way. I am maybe a bit self-conscious about myself and my abilities to serve at times and i just want to make sure that being someone new to this(lifestyle) that i can serve my Master properly and with respect, the collar for our situation is meant to last a life-time. So since i do take it so seriously i want to make sure i am ready and not to just rush in to anything. To clarify even more we've only known each other for about a month or so.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 1:06:31 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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For Us the collar is a sign of ownership and committement. When Master collared me I didn't hesitate to accept. We had discussed it and we were both ready. So if you think it is too soon then express it to him. If you think you are rushing things then it is best to talk things out and wait. Communication is the key.

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Post #: 6

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 1:35:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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A smidgen of disappointment now will save a ton of heartbreak later, and allow you to lay the groundwork for a secure future.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 3:43:42 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodlittlegrl29

I wanted to know from people with experience when do you think a person should accept a collar and the types of things they should take in to account when doing so? Thanks in advance for your response...

I can totally relate to your situation. I've been involved in the lifestyle 9 years and had 3 exclusive committed relationships that lasted two years each.

The last relationship I came very close to accepting a collar..but I didn't... like yourself for my own personal reasons.

Time means nothing, the collar meaning does.

No one can define what a collar means to you and only you can make the final decision.

I will say I know it may scar the relationship a bit with the rejection of a collar, just be sure to communicate completely your reasonings and feelings..

And......

Just remember you only receive your first collar once.

I crave the day that I kneel before my Master and he puts His collar on me and He will know i waited for His.

~curious~

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 4/2/2007 3:48:28 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 4:45:18 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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My Daddy an I have been together for a little over two years and He has just designed and ordered a collar through a jeweler. I have been owned all of this time, but not collared. Neither of us was ready or willing to make that particular commitment. We are now, so we are moving forward.

I told you that so that you would know that you don't necessarily need a collar to be completely owned. It's a commitment that I don't take lightly and it seems that you don't either. Follow your heart and communicate your feelings to your Master.

I always feel like if the collar has to be pushed on one or the other then it is doomed to resentment, at some point.

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~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 9

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 6:14:01 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

A smidgen of disappointment now will save a ton of heartbreak later, and allow you to lay the groundwork for a secure future.

I agree with this. In the entire 6 years that I was with my previous Dom, I never accepted his collar. While the relationship as a whole was pretty good, there were a couple of issues that were big deals to me that weren't being faced. I felt that it would eventually come to point where they would be attended to or I'd finally not be able to handle them any longer and it would end. I didn't want the added commitment of a collar in that situation. It would be kind of like couples that have children, even though they know the relationship won't survive.

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Post #: 10

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 9:14:40 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

He says it was clear to him from day one that I was the woman he was destined to love. So he offered a collar about a month into the relationship. I refused as I had questions about it, how would it work being that we were then LDR, etc. He explained things to me and I asked more questions until I felt comfortable.

At no point was he disappointed in me wanting to understand ahead of time and needing time to figure it out. He wanted me but understood that I simply needed more time.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 9:27:18 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear goodlittlegrl29, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Good things (and or Dominants/submissives) are worth waiting for.

Patience is a virtue, as it means they are considerate of other's feelings.

People who follow gut instincts will always win. When overriding such gut instincts and 'comfort levels' we tend to mess up.

If the relationship is meant to last, time and patience in waiting for you to grow into yourself and be at ease with your mind, spirit and emotions; with the addition of learning more about D/s, M/s and BDSM and doing your own research as to have a lot to make a good choice in committing to a collar and all it represents and means. Ask the Dominant as many questions as necessary. Inquire with many others -- the more you know the better quality of choices made.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 12

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 9:29:47 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

always guiding them, always assessing them, always teaching and responding to what they have to say. listening to and loving their subs is always a key to unlocking a heart.

This is what my Dom does with me and i couldn't be more happier, even if it does mean no collaring by him

(in reply to daejannaO)

Post #: 13

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/2/2007 9:33:56 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

When Daddy and I first started discussing collaring, one of my first questions to him was, "What does a collar mean to you?"

"Well, you probably remember this from my writing," and I nodded, "but it means the same to me as a wedding ring. Collaring is something both people should feel long before the physical collar is there."

"That it's an acknowledgement of what's already there, not a way of magically bringing it into existence."

"Exactly!"

From that point, I started thinking in two different directions:

what we'd both want from a formal D/S relationship
what I'd want from a marriage, given the idea of a collar as a wedding ring

I can go for long hauls if things work out right. One relationship that ended in divorce lasted for approximately eight years, another for a decade. I've been married, and feel that I know what I'd already want in place before I went there again. And so, my request to Daddy was that he be finacially and career-wise about where he'd want to be before I accepted his collar.

That surprised him. I don't think he expected me to take the "wedding ring" idea so literally since there won't be a legal connection or other serious joining of finances. But if I was going to take this currently theoretical collaring as seriously as I'd want to take a marriage, well ... that's part of what I'd want.

Daddy starts school next week: he's going to get a degree in welding. He figures it's as close as he's going to get blacksmithing as a lucrative career at this point, he really wants out of his current job, and he's got the means to go for it right now. Once I'm done with dealing with a bunch of family stuff, I hope to change jobs to something more lucrative and perhaps try getting articles published. *glup*

If things work out the way we're hoping, we're both likely to be a bit more idenpendant and self-reliant than we are now, and thus hopefully better life-partners.

In the meantime, he had a list of specific things that he'd want from a collared relationship. I balked at a couple of them, but we're currently working to see how we can start approaching this ideal. I also offered up, at his request, a slightly less Big Picture list of desires. So, we're working towards the goal, and have at least 1.25 years to prepare.

So, that's us. If both you and your Master both have specific ideas of what a collar means to you, then maybe figuring out how you can both get to a point where collaring can be a reality could be a worthwhile and enjoyable pursuit. Who knows, maybe your Master may enjoy the journey enough to erase the sting of that initiate hesitation?

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 14

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/3/2007 2:22:40 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

You've already gotten such good advice that i really can't add much more. However i see two concerns in your post. One was about the collar but the other was about the strain you are feeling about disappointing your Master. By not accepting the collar you are afraid he may feel rejected? Don't let this become a wedge between you but let it go. It is not up to you to decide how much truth he can handle. Part of being a slave is learning to surrender.

i accepted a collar at a time when my brain screamed "it's too soon!" but i am the kind of person who has spent a lifetime making decisions based on avoiding pain rather than pursuing pleasure, running away instead of running toward. my Master gave me the ability to be brave, to see beyond what is and look to what can be.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 15

RE: Accepting a collar - 4/3/2007 3:03:10 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

If you've only known each other a *month or so*, it doesn't seem terribly surprising to have concerns of ANY kind.........especially if a collar if is a *serious thing* for both of you. A month is a very short time in which to get to know someone and therefore not surprising that *no major issues have come up*.......there hasn't been time enough for that.

Some people get *hitched* in a matter of weeks and then go through the process of finding out who they got *hitched* to. Others prefer to do that part before they get *hitched*.

I think I'd ask * Why the haste?*.

agirl

(in reply to goodlittlegrl29)

Post #: 16

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