How to show a Mistress I am sincere (Full Version)

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alex22wv -> How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/3/2007 7:19:56 AM)

Greetings all,

A few years back I had a few sessions with a Mistress in my area. We seemed to hit it off well but then things in my life became hectic.  This was my first ever submission expeirence.  Now after three years in the lifestyle we have started talking again.  I bring much more experience to the relationship at this point.  She is much older then me 20+ years older.  We speak regularly but it seems that no matter what happens doubts will always be their for her about my sincerity.. Any ideas how this may be overcome????

Respectfully Alex



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/3/2007 7:38:43 AM)

What are the specific doubts she has about your sincerity?

When it comes to proving one's sincerity, there is one golden rule, in my opinion:  Actions speak louder than words.



thetammyjo -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/3/2007 7:40:39 AM)

Time and consistancy.

I'm not talking a few sessions, it might take months or years depending on her own history.




alex22wv -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/3/2007 7:45:32 AM)

Her concerns revolve around the inexperience I had before.  I believe she has doubts about my consistency and experience.

Alex



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/3/2007 7:57:04 AM)

From what I've read of your post it sounds to me that you blew her off the first time due to your hectic life.  It doesn't seem as though you had discussed this with her - if I'm mistaken, by all means let me know.  Whenever someone just stops coming around without offering up a reason as to why it leaves a sour taste in the other person's mouth.  It makes them wonder if that person will continue in this manner.  The only way to actually resolve this is to communicate with her that you are sincerely sorry for your past mistake, inform her that you will do your very best to prevent this from occuring again, and then show you mean it by actually acting upon the words you speak, finally wait for sufficient time in her mind to accept that you are indeed sincere.  In time, she may begin to trust you again.  But, it takes time to overcome a broken trust, it is dependant upon her how easily she overcomes this, and on you by proving your intentions through your actions.

Put yourself in her shoes.  How would you react to a person who suddenly stopped coming by, then suddenly reappeared?  Wouldn't you have doubts to their sincerity? 



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/4/2007 4:45:31 AM)

Say sorry.  See what she says.  Maybe you burnt your bridges; maybe you didn't



Mustardseed -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/4/2007 6:18:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alex22wv

Her concerns revolve around the inexperience I had before.  I believe she has doubts about my consistency and experience.


Well, the quick answer is to prove it. Do you get permission from the other tops and dominants you've played with, or do you have any proof of attendance (or at least payment) from any workshops you've attended? If she can speak to people you've bottomed or submitted to, or look at a steady progression of class notes and third-person instructor comments, maybe she'd feel more comfortable with your claims.

If you can't prove what you say and you've flaked on her in the past then, yeah, I can see where your sincerity could be called into question.



vield -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/4/2007 6:41:22 AM)

First, do you yourself know that you are sincere?
Do you know that you are compatible with what she seeks?
Do you know that she is compatible with what you seek?
Are you honest with yourself about the difference between your needs and wants?
Are you honest with her about your needs and wants?
Does she have ANY interest in you beyond talking on line?
Have you explained in detail what happened when you left before and sincerely apologized? Have you told her facts about how you have changed?
Many submissive men and women who are not in a long term fulfilling reltionship crave to find such a relationship. However they often project their own need upon a dominant who has little or no interest in them, and convince themselves that their own hot need must mean something to the dominant. It may NOT.
Is the dominant a pro and if so are you willing and able to meet the person's fees?
Does the dominant have long term partners already?
Is the dominant burned out on trying to teach newbies?
Just a few thoughts one ought to think about given this situation.



daejannaO -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/5/2007 1:33:23 PM)

my answer is to continuously communicate to her.
i feel that Mistresses seek consistency.  if You have the time now,
it is the time to worship her and see to her needs.



LadyPact -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/5/2007 7:36:53 PM)

I agree with this.  You say you are talking on a consistant basis.  Exactly what are you talking about?  I'm not saying bombard Her with your r/t experiences.  Mentioning them once in a while wouldn't kill you.  Keep the discussion casual until She directs you to take it further.



SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/5/2007 7:44:11 PM)

I would say the best way to show a Domme you are sincere is to actually be sincere. If you follow through with your words, and you let your words and actions belie your sincerity, eventually she will trust you and see that you have grown. There is no magic bullet.



alex22wv -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/5/2007 8:21:39 PM)

Thanks for the feedback.  I believe through my consistency and our conversations she is gaining confidence in me.



lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/5/2007 8:31:43 PM)

I agree with this

ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Say sorry.  See what she says.  Maybe you burnt your bridges; maybe you didn't



ShiftedJewel -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/6/2007 5:17:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

I would say the best way to show a Domme you are sincere is to actually be sincere. If you follow through with your words, and you let your words and actions belie your sincerity, eventually she will trust you and see that you have grown. There is no magic bullet.


Wow, did you nail that!!! I like that that... there is no magic bullet... very well said.
 
Jewel



TexasMaam -> RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere (4/6/2007 8:55:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vield

First, do you yourself know that you are sincere?
Do you know that you are compatible with what she seeks?
Do you know that she is compatible with what you seek?
Are you honest with yourself about the difference between your needs and wants?
Are you honest with her about your needs and wants?
Does she have ANY interest in you beyond talking on line?
Have you explained in detail what happened when you left before and sincerely apologized? Have you told her facts about how you have changed?
Many submissive men and women who are not in a long term fulfilling reltionship crave to find such a relationship. However they often project their own need upon a dominant who has little or no interest in them, and convince themselves that their own hot need must mean something to the dominant. It may NOT.
Is the dominant a pro and if so are you willing and able to meet the person's fees?
Does the dominant have long term partners already?
Is the dominant burned out on trying to teach newbies?
Just a few thoughts one ought to think about given this situation.


Great post, vield.

alex22wv:  It would be very difficult for just about ANY r/t Domme to not question a young male sub of your age and somewhat limited experience, in the first place. (no disrespect intended.) 

Add to that a previous negative experience and yes, you are going to have to run faster than a speeding bullet, leap tall buildings at a single bound, to keep the Domme's attention, much less convince Her that you are sincere.

My honest suggestion would be to keep putting yourself 'out there' for her; be there when she calls, focus your attention on her needs and wishes, follow every direction or instruction without a moment's hesitation.

As was stated in a previous post:  consistency!  Consistency is key.

It's going to take a lot of time.  When her doubts surface again, and they will, answer them truthfully and patiently and don't start griping about the baggage that you yourself created.

In time she WILL move past it, but it won't happen easily and it won't happen overnight.

Good luck to you,

TexasMaam






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