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julietsierra -> RE: swallowing cum (4/14/2007 2:38:05 PM)
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I read all the replies and I guess I go against the grain here. I also had that same block. There have been people in my past who have asked me to specify what was wrong with it in my mind. Was it taste, was it texture, what was the issue, and I never really had a good answer for them.
When I met the person who is my Master, I had that same mental block. I told him about it. He said he didn't care. If I didn't want to do it, then just don't. But I always felt like I'd let him down (ok, poor choice of words) like I was perhaps disappointing him. He assured me I was not and always had kleenex around for me.
Amazingly though, a while into our relationship, I was going down on him and when he came, I discovered I was driven to swallow. He wasn't forcing me, this drive, this desire stronger than any I'd felt in a long long time was making it imperative that I did just that.
And lo and behold, I discovered what my problem was all along. In that one moment, it all became clear to me - so clear, I couldn't believe I'd never figured it out before.
Just think about what we've been told about semen. It'll get you pregnant. It can carry disease. It tastes bad. It comes from the same hole that urine comes from (yes, I have a block about that too). Watch out. Protect yourself. Be careful.
And I discovered that my "mental block" was all about intimacy and yes, even trust to a certain extent. When I finally reached the point where I wanted to give more, do more, be more to him, swallowing was just one way I was able to do that. In essence, I took all those warnings and fears and tossed them to the wind.
By the time I was swallowing, my mental block had changed from a block to this intense desire to take a part of him into me so that for that one instant, we were mixed together - one person (so to speak).
The best analogy I have for it is those old movies where the native american and the mountain man cut themselves and become "blood brothers" except that to me, because of how we are mixing, it means even more.
Today, swallowing is something revered by me. It is an activity I love and I think if he'd have pushed me to do this, I might not have loved it as much. I would have hated for something this intimate to be something I do only because I'm required to do it. This way, when swallow, it's an expression of just how much I care for him.
juliet
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