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Mustardseed -> RE: First time anal play advice (4/5/2007 8:03:54 AM)
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On enemas
Two things to consider are:- how far in are you going?
- how well do you deal with fecal matter?
If you cam't stand the site of poop or if you're going to be doing some serious spelunking, you probably want a nearly medical grade enema experience -- complete with tweaking the submissive's diet and even a little fasting beforehand. (Trust: The Hand Book is a good reference here.) If you're not going very far or if you can deal with a bit of brown, a decent shower with a damp finger inserted in the ass for a brief cleaning should do well -- just wash that finger carefully afterwards.
On pain
Every single non-fictional instructional book I've read on anal play says that it should never, ever hurt; and that if anal play does hurt that something is going wrong and everyone should stop, or at least seriously ease back to the step before it started hurting. Most of the people I've talked to who experience anal play say that it's going to hurt a little bit, but that it's the price you pay for taking it up the ass and having fun. Um. [8|]
In my own experience, I've found that both pieces of advice are simultaneously useful. There's a fine line that needs to be paid attention to: the difference between stretching and tearing. Stretching seems to be that initial "yeeargh" moment that doesn't end in a stinging, unrelenting pain afterwards. Tearing, however, does and can stop things for me in no time flat.
I strongly suspect that the pain from stretching happens due simply to impatience. The idea that anal play is taking too long, that at this rate I'll never be able to take whatever cock I'm trying to train my ass for; that I'm not sure of what to do with this plateau of sensation and thus swap it over for another one that's more challenging, and thus puts me on familiar ground. I'm a little concerned about that last one, and I'm not sure of how accurate it is for me, but it sounds about in the ballpark of how my, "And then this just repeats?" mindset works.
If the catching partner is not being impatient and is willing to enjoy the sensation, amuse themselves and the pitching partner with reading or listening to or watching erotica or porn or whatever; I susupect that stretching will probably not be that painful of an issue and thus tearing won't be likely to enter into it unless somebody slips. I think that the catcher is responsible for not being so goal or approval oriented that they try to speed things along for the sake of the pitcher's opinion of them or the next big sensation.
I keep in my a paraody that stuck for me after seeing a certain common book title: And Then One Day My Ass Just Opened Up. The ideal seems to be that the ass will simply relax enough that the toy in question goes in almost too easily, falls out if it's a plug, and thus creates the idea that the ass is begging for the next size up by quietly saying, "Patooie! Feed me something real, Seymore!"
On relaxing
The best books I've read for this subject are:However, I'm going to stress something that neither book really made clear to me: when they say "relax," they mean all the time. They mean even when it's feeling really, really good. They mean even when someone who has a vagina would normally clench to try to intensify the feeling.
NO CLENCHING! No, no, no. Remember "Murder, Death, Kill" from Demolition Man? Clenching is a "Hey! No! Bad!"
Books usually discuss the differences between the ass and the vagina, but none have really stressed this to a point where I understood it as well as I have simply from experience. No matter how good anal sex feels, the catcher must not not clench. As far as Daddy figures, clenching around an object that's in the rectum can squeeze the lube from around the object, thus drying the area up and making penetration far more painful. The catcher should relax. They're encouraged to push out as though they're trying to help along a bowel movement. If allowed, they should talk about how good it feels. Praising the pitcher to the high heavens can also be a wonderful idea. But for crying out loud, the catcher should never -- in my opinion, tighten up.
Mood music
There's always Do You Take it ...? by The Wet Spots and Beauty Queen by Leather Dynamite. [8D]
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