|
MrKite -> RE: Attitude in Submission (4/17/2005 7:34:57 PM)
|
Dear willing2serve;
My slave cello told me about this thread and I found it as pertinent as she did. I believe that I should explain a few of my thoughts, which may or may not help you now and in the future.
First of all never forget that the sub always has veto power in a D/s type relationship. If something doesn't work for you for any reason use your safe word, whether it is during a scene or in any other situation where you feel something needs to stop.
Secondly, if we all lived in a world where D/s were the only point of reference this type of lifestyle would be vastly different. In fact we don't and we have to deal with our lives outside the D/s dynamic just as much as anything else. What we do with the life style is escape that outside world for an alternative way that bring us pleasure and peace in some form.
I believe that at some point we all have gotten caught up in the fantasy of the perfect D/s relationship to the detriment of the real relationship. I know in my case this is a fact, one that cello was wise enough to see and correct me on. While her actions and words to me at the time were very unsubmissive like, I needed to be hit over the head with a board for my bad behavior. For that I love her all the more so. And in that lies one of the great paradoxes of BDSM lifestyles.
Yes, we are Master and slave and each have roles we assume in that dynamic. We are also humans of equal value by the nature of our relationship. The responsibility I assume for her wellbeing and her consent to submit to my control. That's right, we have equal value in our relationship, as should any relationship, the only difference is that we assume opposite roles. Opposite I think is a key word in this thought. I sometimes see D/s relationship as players in opposition. A Master will have to exercise force to change the behavior of a sub who may be some what defiant. This push/pull in a relationship will always strengthen that relationship if and only when a proper balance is found. By that I mean to say the a Master's dominance over a sub is only as good as her willingness to submit.
In our case (and I'm sure many other couples have had the same experience) that dynamic was out of balance for a time. It was the submissive in this relationship that made that imbalance clear and I'm happy to say her Master was man enough to step back and review things and make the changes necessary to save a good relationship. It was not easy for me, I had to swallow a bit of my pride. But the end result is a better relationship in both the D/s dynamic as well as the vanilla marriage life part of it.
No Dom is so good or so wise that he can assume that just because he wears the title that his opinions and solutions to any answer are 100% correct. If he can not deal with issues in a D/s relationship, from a perspective outside that D/s dynamic then he is living in a fantasy world, IMO.
The sad fact is that many D/s relationships are short lived because the parties involved are living the fantasy and forgetting that they/we are not characters in an Anne Rice novel. For us BDSM is a lifestyle that offers something closer to the perfection of life that we all dream of but it still remains imperfect in various ways. Not all scenes we play are perfect, some times limits are pushed too far or more to the point, the communications are in error.
We are forced by the nature of this chosen lifestyle to communicate more than in any other type of relationship. And that is the key to what I believe you are asking about. It sounds as if there is no balance in your communications with your partner. Without good and proper communications you will never be happy in your desire to serve. which will ultimately lead to one of two things happening. Either you will leave that relationship for failure to balance that communication or you will correct the balance. In either case the steps involved seem drastic.
I will leave you with this last thought. You can be frustrated and leave the relationship with disappointment and perhaps bitter feelings or you can force the issue. Bring it to a head and work out the issues involved. It may be unpleasant for a short time but taking that risk will yield better feeling all around no matter what the outcome.
Sincerely
Master Kite (with the help of his good spellchecking slave girl cellogrrlMK)
|
|
|
|
