dom/sub is not sado/maso

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dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/3/2007 6:28:18 PM

justinedoll

Posts: 50
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: uk, poland, germany
Status: offline

i found some intersting things causing some difficultien in bdsm contact.

Relationship
1) Domination / submission as a type of character or better needing. Eg dominant persone want to meet submissive and sub to meet dom. Dom take control and sub is obidient, its kind of emotional relation very popular in life. Officer and soldier, boss and secretary Parents and children

2) Sadism / Masohizm source of pleasure Sado is satisfied when partner is hurted and suffer and maso need to be hurted, eg Sado partner plays want to leave , or meets with others. Its kind of emotional sadomasohism,

Sexual
Dom/sub Dom decides and have initiative in sexual life, he/she decide what partner must do. when is under control eg bondaged.

Sado/maso Sado reaches pleasure when partner is humiliated tortured and suffer.
maso is satysfied when is tortured humiliated etc...

So each of as can be:
in realtonship
dom
sub
partner
sado
vanila

And in sex the same
dom
sub
sado
maso
vanila

we have over 20 options. Maby its a reason why bdsm people have so many difficulties to find a proper mate? Maby Dominant lady need a man who will be spanked , punished and humiliated in bed but , will be strong in normal life.
Maby sub man just need to be controlled by wife and look for worm and vanila sex?
I met sadistic emotionaly woman who was maso in sex, weak and pour girl who liked to dom in sex, and many other configuration. So in my opinion we should split what is in our character and what is for sex. Someone who write a letter as a sub for Mistress , and says what exactly want is a dom who want to be dominated sexualy. Another example is Mistress who asked me what i like to do, because she want to do it. Who is dominant? Sometimes we are just equal partners who like to satisfy each other.

Joke says :
maso asks the sado: please punish me.
and sado answer i ll take you very delicate...

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RE: dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/3/2007 6:29:59 PM

bayboundse

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline

Diffrent strokes for diffrent folks its one of the great things about the BDSM community none of us can look at any one area and say thats normal and thats not.

(in reply to justinedoll)

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RE: dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/4/2007 10:50:09 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

I think a common problem in BDSM is too much theory, not enough practice.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to justinedoll)

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RE: dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/5/2007 9:15:28 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

we have over 20 options. Maby its a reason why bdsm people have so many difficulties to find a proper mate?

It's not so much the range of options, it is that most people haven't taken the time to understand what it is they want. Same goes for the vanilla world, which is one reason why there are so many failed marriages.

People who won't take the time to do this, trip from one BDSM relationship to another, with a lot of hurt and heartbreak along the way. Sometimes, by pure luck, it works out, but that is just random chance.

You have to have the self-introspection to know what you want; meet someone who knows what they want. Then discuss both your wants and needs. Only then can you really have an idea if the two of you are potentially compatible.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to justinedoll)

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RE: dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/5/2007 11:20:03 AM

justinedoll

Posts: 50
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: uk, poland, germany
Status: offline

Stella great words. Many of us is open for many things, and flexible. And for beginning anything is good. But thery makes people to try to fit to the rules .

(in reply to SirDominic)

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RE: dom/sub is not sado/maso - 4/5/2007 3:04:11 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Yes, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism are all separate, and can exist in just about any combination, and they should not be confused. I'd also endorse your identification of dominant and submissive behaviors as existing among people who don't identify as doing "d/s." Thinking of each--domination and submission, sadism and masochism--as an axis of sexuality can be helpful.

(in reply to justinedoll)

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Post #: 6