Different Directions

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Different Directions - One Goal

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Different Directions - One Goal

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 4:59:11 AM

CDOM3

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

Outside of physical, mental or emotional abuse, there is no right or wrong way to explore or live the D/s or M/s lifestyle.
Each of us found this lifesyle in our own fashion and what we seek in it, speaks to why we embrace it.
In the time I have been involved, 16 years, I have seen a huge amount of change. And as with life, some I see as good and some - not so good.
For the most part, anyone sincere and serious regarding the valuers of the D/s lifestyle, first of all has patience. Not just in finding a partner or mate but patience to learn and patience to appreciate.
For those not sincere or serious, the D/s or M/s lifestyle represents a different approch to vanilla dating.
In effect the physical/sexual attraction is why they dive into the lifestyle with the added bebefits of exploring fetishes.
Some, a very few, come to realize that their fetish actually isn't a fetish but rather a part of who they are, scary at first to come to that realization but once you do, you can then begin to focus on building relationships beyond the physical/sexual.
This is the different directions I'm referring to. Scene, play, munchies, sessions, all these and more involve believe it or not, valuse in the lifestyle.
Understand I am a Traditionalist or 'Old School'. Domination and submission begin and come from the heart.
But to Me, the most rewarding aspect of the changes I have seen is the return to the importance of values. Committment, responsibility, trust, integerity.
LOL. Yes the play aspect is still there and yes still the major factor in drawing new blood into the lifestyle but again those not willing to have the patience to commitment soon fade away and those remaining soon find that the inital physical/sexual attraction (just as in vanilla relationships) needs a deeper meaning, emotional intimacy.
So from all the different directions we come from, in the end we all have the same goal, a loving relationship with real hopes and dreams, real laughter and real tears.
But so much more then what we could have felt or known about ourselves had we stayed in the concept of vanilla relationships.
The depth of loving responsibily in Domination, the freedom of loving in complete Trust to submission.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 11:45:53 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I agree.
Opening my life mind, body and spirit to the world of BDSM has been something that indeed has changed my perception of myself.
I agree also as long as I live and think I will actively entertain the notion I'm submissive and want to be loved in a TPE one day.
I also feel the depths of understanding my spirit and energy and how that realties to others is an incredible thing I'm seeing in very different ways than I did when vanilla on some levels, but more so it just gave words and social acceptance to tdo the things I felt were right all along & just didn't have words for.
Truly I'm home, lol I just have to keep improving my home and doing the tedious maintenance I need to to give it integrity and stability.
suzanne

(in reply to CDOM3)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 12:15:12 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

I can see a lot of merit and truth in the OP.

I wonder, though, what point is it you're hopeful of making? Are you proclaiming "vive la difference" in celebration, or lament? To what end, in either case?

You don't have to have a further point, but the post did beg the question.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 2:28:41 PM

CDOM3

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

If there was to be a point, perhaps it was simply to have a beginning for others to think about why we entered and each day embrace this lifestyle.
In other words, often we seek but do not find our other half yet as a general statement, our lifestyle is not socially accpetable. Yet we live it. Why?
It has value.
Perhaps the value is only seen and felt within us and perhaps in seeing our self worth, we pass it on in the confidence we show others. (Especially confidence in subs/slaves.)
From outside, our lifestyle is viewed as a sexual fetish. Anyone sincere in the life knows that simply is wrong. Our fetishes are our pleasure but not our purpose to live as Dominant or submissive. Our purpose is to know we have value with others that share our thoughts in relationships and hopefully build relationships.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 4:01:42 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I can see a lot of merit and truth in the OP.

I wonder, though, what point is it you're hopeful of making? Are you proclaiming "vive la difference" in celebration, or lament? To what end, in either case?

You don't have to have a further point, but the post did beg the question.

Goodness - it is reassuring to 'see' you posting again...

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 5:29:27 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I'm not sure there is one goal. In fact, I'm sure there isn't. And I think that people just into BDSM for some kinky sex have as much right to be here as those who are uninterested in play, but want a power relationship. And those who want it all.

Nor do I agree that those who are seriously into "the lifestyle" are somehow better than those who aren't. I'm not even sure what on earth the lifestyle is. I just live my life in a way that is healthiest for me with a man with whom I am compatible.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/4/2007 6:07:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CDOM3

If there was to be a point, perhaps it was simply to have a beginning for others to think about why we entered and each day embrace this lifestyle.
In other words, often we seek but do not find our other half yet as a general statement, our lifestyle is not socially accpetable. Yet we live it. Why?
It has value.
Perhaps the value is only seen and felt within us and perhaps in seeing our self worth, we pass it on in the confidence we show others. (Especially confidence in subs/slaves.)
From outside, our lifestyle is viewed as a sexual fetish. Anyone sincere in the life knows that simply is wrong. Our fetishes are our pleasure but not our purpose to live as Dominant or submissive. Our purpose is to know we have value with others that share our thoughts in relationships and hopefully build relationships.

If the question is, why do W/we live it, for some of U/us, the answer is quite simple. To do otherwise would leave U/us incomplete.

(in reply to CDOM3)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/13/2007 6:53:31 AM

darcyinshadows

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

It's an interesting question, 'why do we live it' - I suppose I would answer that though a relatively new participant in the 'scene', the way I feel knowing that I am labelled as a Dominant (which I have no problem with, though I do enjoy being Topped by my .girl.) is no different to the way I felt before I was shown the communities that make up the BDSM world. I have always enjoyed the feeling of being adored and respected, but until I met my .girl. I had never fully appreciated just how deeply such devotion and adoration could go, and crucially how intensely I could reciprocate that.

Looking back I have always dressed differently to the 'mainstream' (well, apart from in the course of my work, which requires that I conform to certain dress codes, and perhaps ironcially makes me the Submissive to my profession's Dominant

), and so discovering that the way I dress and the way I act (a heady mixture of confidence and arraogance, but always with humilty, as Dom or Sub alike are still human beings in my eyes and deserve my respect) fits in perfectly with the generally accepted notions of what the 'lifestyle' is all about.

Thus, in a roundabout way (as is my wont, I'm afraid

) I agree with Lady Pact, that I do not assume a persona when I'm being a Dom, but rather this persona is who I am, and that I cannot turn this off or behave differently (even in my 'day job', where my confident/arraogant/humble persona is a definite asset) any more than I could choose not to breathe.

I have friends and colleagues who believe that BDSM is all about being tied to a rack by Madame Whiplash and thrashed to within an inch of your life while dressed as a baby, and for some of them that perception will never change, but I find it interesting that those who actually take the time to really get to know me often learn more about what I believe BDSM is all about (for me, it will be different for each and every one of you), and that while play is a satisfying and important part of my relationship, the bond between my .girl. and I is based on respect, trust, and that old fashioned but eternally wonderful thing, love.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Different Directions - One Goal - 4/13/2007 7:02:22 AM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

I live it because only a submissive or slave can put up with me, much less appreciate me. I live it becasue I enjoy inflicting pain, mentally and physically. I live it because I enjoy the softer side and the harshness of "who I am". Most importantly, I live it because I am free to be ME!

I do not feel better than anyone else no matter what. The fact of the matter is...

I am the good, the bad and the ugly for I am human and simply...

Tigress

(in reply to CDOM3)

Profile

Post #: 9