Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Submissive needs


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Submissive needs Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:01:32 AM   
His1kitten


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:02:49 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.

It depends on the relationship you two have. If he wants to know your fantasies, then by all means, tell him. If he does not, then don't.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:11:07 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If he wants to have your input on the activities, then its perfectly acceptable.  However, I dont think being cuffed often is a NEED, its a DESIRE. Some owners ask their new pets what they want and take that into account, others know generaly the activites of interest and they make the timeframes to suit themseves.
I know personally I dont like being told that my pet needs to be cuffed or needs to be beaten, those are decisions I make, not them.  However knowing they would like to e cuffed, or desire to be beaten is quite different. Think about your wording when and if you try and present it to your Master. 

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:13:54 AM   
ONEDEMANDINGMSTR


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		As a Dom, I NEED to know all about My sub's needs/wants/desires/fantasies. They are all a part of who she is, and what she's all about.  You need to talk to him about your questions.
A slave/sub is always a 'person', who is real, has feelings, and needs to have needs met. If her needs aren't met, you can bet the relationship is doomed to an early failure. Good luck to you.

Dan

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:25:47 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings
 
Needs are something that I need to stay alive. Wants are those things that come extra. For me, what you describe would be a want, not a need; though I understand that you see them differently.
 
Anything that I want, I am allowed to ask Master for. It is then his decision whether or not he will  grant it.
 
I will agree though with what others have said. These are things that should be discussed between you and your owner.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:25:49 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.


Yes, its a mutual relationship. Communication is the key.  Your Master can't read minds. Have to communicate things.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 5:48:42 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		When I am initially speaking to a submissive, I always ask him what he needs to be content in a D/s relationship.  I am of the belief that after a time, some wants become needs.  If you feel you need to be cuffed, yes I feel it is appropriate to let him know.  I know there are things other than the basics that I feel I need in a D/s relationship to be content.  Since the relationship is in all reality a 50/50 give and take I think everyone should get what they desire out of it.  If you are not going to get what you want out of it, eventually you will become dissatisfied and leave.  So YES it is better to let him know than sit on it.  If he is not well informed of what you think about and what you feel you need, he cannot make the decision whether to gift you with such activity.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 7:19:17 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Valyraen knows my sexual needs (I use need as opposed to want because if he were unable or unwilling to fulfill my sexual desires we would never have started dating). He knows that if I don't get laid once a week I start getting really loopy, grumpy and stressed. He knows what makes my moter run, he knows what I don't like. Anytime I think of something new that makes me purr, I send it to him in an e-mail so that he can read it at his leisure. However, he is the one who makes the decision about when and where this need will be fulfilled. Sometimes I've got to wait for it, a lot longer then I would like to. Sometimes I've got to beg for it.Sometimes he gives me a treat and surprises me.

So yes, I think it's perfectly acceptable and I would even say needed for you to tell him know of your desires/needs in this area. After all, if he doesn't know what you really want, how is he going to torment you with it?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 7:40:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten
I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.

Most masters require open and full disclosure. 

On the other hand, how can he be expected to consent to being your master if you don't let him know the person he's going to own?  So you would obviously need to tell him these things before you made the commitment to eachother- whether that would continue WITHIN the commitment is up to the relationship you create together.

The good news of course is that YOU get to decide who you will be with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 8:14:17 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		In order to take proper car of my care, I need to know that she needs gas, oil, other fluids, regular maintanence and to washed on occassion. slaves are much more valuable than cars, so I need to know their needs in order to take proper care of them. The hard part is that, unlike my car, the slave doesn't come with an owner's manual. I have to rely on the slave to be self aware and 1) know what their needs are and 2) know the difference between their needs and wants.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 9:08:14 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		All needs have to be communicated by all parties in all type of relationships. Needs to me are things that keep us alive, healthy and relatively happy on the whole. I believe when in a power exchange relationship communication of needs is never ever something to be played with or done within an extreme power exchange method.

Now to me needs are far different then wants, desires and interests. I see nothing wrong with communicating them as well but to me these should be communicated properly and taken with more of a context. It is these things that for me as a submissive can be communicated but should never ever effect when and how I am played with directly. In other words, if I desire or want a certain type of play but my Master does not want that type of play or is in the mood then the worse thing for me is to bring it up and for him to do something ONLY because he thinks it is what I want whether immediately after communicating with him or some time afterwards when all it looks and feels like he waited so not to make it look like I called the shots.

To sum it up, I might need to have sex frequently to be happy but when, where and how and if I am horny or not at the time should not be a driving force for my Master or have to be communicated by me as long as he knows I do need frequent sex.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 10:34:21 AM   
His1kitten


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much.  I am learning more and more of what my desires and needs are just as I am learning more about His.  You all are great. 

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 1:17:34 PM   
Hanable


Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline 		as a Mistress it is always nice to know a subs needs/wants/desires and the like.. although it is my call. if i do not know a pet likes something.. i am far less likely to do it to them. does that help at all??

H >:)

_____________________________

Will you be my hooker??


Forum Rankings

Fate: a horribly wonderful thing

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/link.php?id=SGFuYWJsZQ==

http://dragcave.net/user/Hanable

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 1:33:55 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.


Greetings,
 
I've always been very straightforward about discussing wants and fantasies..(anything positive, I can roll with openness)...
 
However;  there are just a few of those "magical" thoughts that you are so hoping that your Master will do, believing it would lose its "magic" if  you told.
 
Well, I am learning to come out of the Alice in Wonderland bondage and learning how to share those things as well because no Master no matter how good they are can read minds...
 
So, there is a trust involved here too...giving over the magic...and allowing it to be his decision if it comes to fruition, when, and how.
 
I've learned that when I have shared these things, the magic is not lost, it actually gains pixie dust and become a wonderful magic carpet ride...instead of keeping the magic looked within..
 
Sounding like a Disney commercial
~curious~



_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 1:41:18 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		In my relationship it is essential that I be open to him in all areas. So if I'm feeling stressed to the max and think I would be handling things much better if he put me over his knee and wailed away until I was the one wailing then I tell him. He decides if he thinks this is a good idea or not.

And yes, I'm to tell him if I feel desperately aroused. God knows that with approaching menopause my libido is weird and we have to seize the moment.

(in reply to curiouslyseeking)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 2:17:04 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		I can't imagine being involved with someone and not being able to speak about what I want.  So I looked for someone who wanted that kinda input.  That kind of involvement.  

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 3:25:28 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 

Thank You in advance.

It depends on the relationship you two have. If he wants to know your fantasies, then by all means, tell him. If he does not, then don't.


Completely agreed.

It depends on your relationship.  I typically feel it is healthy to have a relationship in which needs are expressed unless this expression is somehow greviously distressful in effect.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 4:15:55 PM   
yenlui


Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		A Dom who would not allow me to tell Him about my needs, desires, fears, hopes, dreams and wishes, I would never submit to.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submissive needs - 4/4/2007 4:50:27 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: His1kitten

I am curious if it is acceptable in general to let your Master know of the needs you have.   When I speak of needs I am talking about things like being cuffed often or something of that nature. 
Thank You in advance.

It is quite acceptable for me to let my Master know of any needs i have.  Needs, wants, thoughts, feelings, fantasies, hang-ups, hesitations, problems - positive or negative - you name it and i am to let Him know them.  Making Him fully aware of them does not necessarily mean they will influence His actions and decisions to the degree that i may hope they would.  But, as my Owner, He has the right to know them all.  He sees all of them as part of His property as well and for me to hold them back is akin to lying or withholding pertinent information.  What He does with the information He receives is, of course, totally up to Him.  His right to know it is, however, inalienable.  Major "needs" will, of course, be given closer consideration than just "wants."  Something like being cuffed, as someone previously mentioned, would be much closer to a "want" for me.  i used to have major hesitations during play about mentioning/suggesting something i would like to happen.  When i finally discussed this with Master, He explained that there is nothing wrong with asking respectfully with the knowledge that my request may not be granted.  That is far different from expecting or demanding.  So, i guess to me, it all boils down to being honest with Him and never failing to do it in a fully respectful manner........slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Submissive needs Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078