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name calling - 4/16/2005 1:04:55 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

back on forums again and i see the same thing....

dont call me lilone, subbie, hun, girl, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

IMHO men can call me girl, lilone, hun until they know who i am.

if they call me slut, bitch, whore then i will correct them...i am not A slut, bitch whore, ... i am His slut, whore, bitch.

No need to be nawty about it. LOLOL

i met an incredible guy from this site, had a fantastic time and will spend some time with him tomorrow ...he called me "hun" the whole time we were together.
Personally i liked it.

But that is me and i am not you and you are you...... so if women must be nawty about being called lilone, sweetie, hun... then so be it.

i will apologize if you think i offend you.

just my thoughts.

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

Post #: 1

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 2:45:17 AM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

Just wondering out loud... this sort of behaviour ~ i would have thought that, apart from its potential offence to the person you're 'addressing' with these terms (and what, exactly, is the point of that..?) isn't is showing some disrespect (or at least an 'i couldn't care less' attitude) to the Owner of the person you're addressing?

edited to add that: i have to agree that complaining about the way people address you won't (generally) make it any different. But like most things in life... someone's behaviour often tells you all you need to know about them. It's very telling of someone that they're posting here, with the knowledge of Ds that that implies, and still behave in such a way.

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 4/16/2005 2:49:18 AM >

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 2

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 3:13:58 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i agree, there is to much name calling in this comunity. Not all submissives for example like being called slut, becouse quite frankly not all submissives are. i think that this is part of why many belive a submissive girl will jump into bed whit whoever ask, becouse they are always being called and depicted as sluts.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

Post #: 3

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 6:21:44 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I don't see the harm in calling someone "hon" during a conversation.... especially if they have a long or hard to type nic. Now before I get my ass jumped let me include that I have been called "lil one" and took no offense to it even as a Dominant. It's cuz I am... you know... a little one.

As far as calling someone "slut" or "whore" or the like, I don't use those terms even when it's part of someones nic...

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 4

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 6:29:44 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i think that if somone did see my photho and called me lill one, i would luagh unthil i fell out of the cahir. Hon is aboute the same as babe and even if not directly insulting, do show a lack of respect for the woman.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 5

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 6:46:10 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

back on forums again and i see the same thing....

dont call me lilone, subbie, hun, girl, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

IMHO men can call me girl, lilone, hun until they know who i am.

if they call me slut, bitch, whore then i will correct them...i am not A slut, bitch whore, ... i am His slut, whore, bitch.

No need to be nawty about it. LOLOL

i met an incredible guy from this site, had a fantastic time and will spend some time with him tomorrow ...he called me "hun" the whole time we were together.
Personally i liked it.

But that is me and i am not you and you are you...... so if women must be nawty about being called lilone, sweetie, hun... then so be it.

i will apologize if you think i offend you.

just my thoughts.

~~shy

I tend to fully agree with you.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 6

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 6:47:41 AM

rozynozy

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

I think it depends on the situation that you are in. I don't mind name calling from someone I have talked with, and of course from Master, but when I was a truck driver, it would make me furious when a male driver started calling me "hon". I was out there making a living just like he was.

Rozy

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 7

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 7:07:05 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

well thank ya sweet Lily!

i still think some dont get what i have said...but thats ok.

i dont mind beng called "hon" by the very handsome savy one i will be with in just a few short hours. tis what he calls all woman.

i have no feelings if a woman calls me sweetie, hun, girl, lilone, etc BLAH BLAH...
or a man for that matter.

but if a nic emails me and says "hey slut" "hey whore" ....then i correct "it"

on the other hand....i just emailed someone and slammed all the worst names i could at him cuz he proved himself a real peice of work after i actually praised his stupid young arrogant dasdardly fool hardy self...then yes....LOLOL i removed my response on his forum.... LOLOL

i love spite if my being feels like it. but i rarely do it...thank God. i would certainly be one ugly bitch if i practiced it always.

so on to name calling..............

which reminds me...some laugh at the response they get when they ask me...what is your name btw?

LOLOL well how unfortunate that my name is "shy" but then i am shy...so there...but cll me waht you will ......

.....

i can act like a bitch, scream like one.... but then is that a brat?
i can ac tlike a nasty nawty slut, but that doesnt make me a ho or loose or of low morals or ethics .... but i am not just anyones slut.
am i a whore? hell no, but if He choses to call me one, its His choice.

now that i have bratted or bitched this am...it is out of my system and i am ready to have a fun time with a new freind who happens to find this ccoksucking cumslut a pleasure to be with cause i am genuine, honest, refreshing and fun.

and yes, even tho i am not jennfer garner in leather, he finds me mildly attractive or he wouldnt give me the time of day.....

oh i feel like still ranting..... oh well.

~~shy
who woke up on the wrong side of the bed this am! LOLOLOL

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to rozynozy)

Post #: 8

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 7:11:20 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

The only activity I 'correct' in my online travels is those who make 'physical gestures' towards me. Any Dominant invading my personal space, 'touching me', or typing anything that remotely resembles a physical action I'm not comfortable with, I speak up.

The purpose of this is only to ensure that there is no misunderstandings or confusion. I do not wish to allow it and in doing so, have it perceived that I am comfortable or welcoming of further advances. With regards to pet names, etc. ...

I 'notice' when I'm being referred to as someone's 'sis'.
I 'notice' when I'm being referred to as 'hun, lil one, or girl'
Depending on the context and source, I 'notice' when I'm referred to as 'subbie'.

I don't care for any of the above terms from someone I am not familiar with. Some of them, I don't care for regardless of the context or how familiar I am with them. Yet, I don't allow it to consume me enough to address it; hence, I simply 'notice'.

I don't feel people mean the terms in a condenscending way for the most part. Yes, I've encountered my fair share who use such terms in a way meant to establish some form of standing with me/others. Yet, it's not worth my time to correct.

I get called 'dear' by that one girl in the coffee shop and I notice cuz it bothers me, particularly because she's about five years my junior! LOL! However, I don't correct her because by the time I take my coffee off the counter and turn away, it's forgotten.

I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that I pick my battles in life. I don't whine about the e-mails, the people writing without reading profiles, the people judging my profile, questioning me, etc. etc. I simply 'notice' it and forget seconds later.

When it comes to cyber, there is much I'm aware of and take in stride. It comes with the territory. I respect the right of others to protest such activities; I'm just not moved enough to do the same.

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 9

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 7:48:02 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave grew up around Masons and they call each other "Brother" constantly, so it was never an issue of kinship to be called "little sister", more a recognition of belonging to the same "Masonic" family. this slave thinks that there are people here and in the real-time world who find comfort in belonging to an "extended family" of like-minded individuals. this slave doesn't infer negativity from those calling her "hon", "lilone" or "sis", as she doesn't percieve it in a derogatory manner. Now if someone is berating another and leads with "Listen, hon'" and then the rest of it is all negativity, then it's not the "name calling" that is grating, it is the condescending attitude.

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 10

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 8:58:51 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I personally enjoy being called hon, sweetie, lilone, sugar, babe.... I have certainly been called by much worse names in my life. As long as the person using them is being positive as beth said....not a problem here.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 11

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 9:02:06 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Names are powerful things, they denote closeness and compatibility. For someone to presume to name you or cross over social closeness boundaries can be a very bad thing.

I include "sister" in this list as I really don't like some presumption of connectedness to someone just because we happen to be oriented as slaves.

However, I often will have "slut" or "whore" written on my body somewhere in public and it would make sense for someone to refer to me in that way (in fact I'd prefer it) but that is when it is clearly pronounced and can be assumed.

Otherwise- using the same manners we learned in the vanilla world applies in bdsm.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 11:40:23 AM

lil1v

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

i think that if somone did see my photho and called me lill one, i would luagh unthil i fell out of the cahir. Hon is aboute the same as babe and even if not directly insulting, do show a lack of respect for the woman.

*giggles* I'm hardly a little one in stature myself. I am.. or as my ex-Master used to say "You have a little one inside you" (ugh.. I just realized that without his inflections, just reading the text makes it sound like I'm pregnant.. totally not what I meant. *laughs*)

I don't mind .. well lets just say i don't fight it anymore.. being called lil one, sweety, hon. etc. I do prefer that those using those names know me a little bit before they "endear" themselves to me in name, but there are a lot of southerners who use sweety and hon in their every day speaking. Can't seem to get them to stop it.. *shrugs* I do have some good Dom friends (that I respect) and I love it when they call me pet names like those.

There are a few people that can get away with calling me slut, bitch, whore.. They are very good friends and we all use it in "play" with each other and none of us take it seriously.

That said.. If someone I don't know addresses me as slut, whore.. They might wanna find the nearest emergency exit. I don't take idiots well.

There are people who don't know me well, but have called me "bitch" .. which I don't mind anymore.. they are entitled to their opinion. HEE HEE HEE

I do use "hon" and "sweety" and "dear" in conversations.. but usually only with friends or people that I care about. Maybe also sometimes if the person is hurting and needs some gentle care.. as in "I'm sorry you're hurting hon"

I guess for the most part.. I think a term of endearment.. should really be used only when it signifies your feelings tword that other person.

_____________________________

V

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 13

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 1:01:33 PM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline

Personally, i love the verbal abuse in conjunction with a scene...call me whore, bitch, cunt, whatever degrading term You choose to use...for me it heightens things and reminds me of exactly what i am for that person at that time.

Granted...this is not the general conversational thread...just something i wanted to throw out there.

As always, your mileage may vary.

sting

(in reply to lil1v)

Post #: 14

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 1:32:52 PM

srahfox

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

I've lived most of my life in the south. I'm use to being called sweety and hun. I think I would feel wierd if that suddenly stopped. It's almost like saying sir or 'Mam to me now, it's just a way to address someone. Most of my friends call one anouther Sweetheart, love, brother, or sister. I would feel odd if someone else called me that. I have one friend who calls me (And almost all females he cares about) Darlin'. It's sweet, I loved it the first time he called me that, I still do.
Now that having been said, if someone called me slut, whore, bitch, or anything like that... I would be mad. The only person who has that right is my Master.
Myself, I would way rather someone called me hun, or sweetheart.. than 'Mam.

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 15

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 5:41:41 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Names are powerful things, they denote closeness and compatibility. For someone to presume to name you or cross over social closeness boundaries can be a very bad thing.

I include "sister" in this list as I really don't like some presumption of connectedness to someone just because we happen to be oriented as slaves.

Otherwise- using the same manners we learned in the vanilla world applies in bdsm.

My parents did not name me Hun, Sweetie, Hon, Darling, Babe or Dollface. Had they done so I would have changed my name... but that's not the point.

If it isn't my name I do not want to hear it -- unless it is from someone close to me. Emerald hit the nail on the head. "Names are powerful things, they denote closeness and compatibility."

A switch I have been getting to know calls me various things including Ma'am and Empress. I call him various things that he enjoys. But he and I have been speaking for quite a while. He and I are comfortable with one another!

Joe Blow off the street had better be using my name. I think it would be pretty rude if he was calling out, "Hey sweet cheeks".

I wouldn't want Joe Blow hugging me... but I wouldn't mind cuddling the aforementioned switch absolutely senseless.

It's just a matter of feeling comfortable with a person.

< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 4/16/2005 5:42:49 PM >

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 16

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 6:30:40 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Now if someone is berating another and leads with "Listen, hon'" and then the rest of it is all negativity, then it's not the "name calling" that is grating, it is the condescending attitude.

very good point! as i was reading through the thread, my thoughts were forming along the same lines. it is not the words, it is the intent behind them... or lack thereof.

i have to admit, though, i do sometimes question the intent when i am approached as "sis" but someone who just knows we are going to be BFF!!! because of a common tendency towards submission. but i don't go off on them, or get huffy.

*grin* and shy, you do your thing, babe! whatever side of the bed you rolled out on... you seem to have not landed on Anyone's toes. *lol*

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 9:13:31 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I don't like being called lil one because I think it sounds silly. Hon, baby, and sweetie are up for grabs. The only way someone gets to call me bitch, whore, or slut is if I trust and like them enough.

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 18

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 9:19:45 PM

darlingjade

Posts: 54
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

My name r/t is so unique that having someone mangle it is the norm rather than being unusual. Think as a result of that I'm often called hon or whatever. That, and living in the south have pretty much inured me to noticing the pet names much at all.

Having said all of that, though, using the terms out of anger or to be condescending is another matter entirely.

Ummm but some names can produce an interesting effect if errr used at the right time by a Dom.

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 19

RE: name calling - 4/16/2005 10:29:05 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Online, nobody gets to call me anything other than my handle or my name. I just don't like it.

In realtime, I rather like getting refered to as "sweety" or "honey." It isn't something I got a lot growing up, and it makes me feel good. I dunno...

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to darlingjade)

Post #: 20

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