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arwenbabysub -> RE: Am i the only one? (4/25/2005 1:52:58 AM)
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I don't know if this will be any help to you jst4ujstnow. This is a story written by my Master over 4 yrs ago. We've grown everyday and enjoy the lifestyle we've chosen. It's fun, it suits us and there's no going back it's too enjoyable.
Talk to your partner, discuss concepts and be honest with yourself and your partner.
arwen xx
I am NorthStar, proud to be the Master of arwen, my devoted wife and submissive.
We have not long started down this amazing path together after some time studying and becoming involved separately. I will try to explain how our love and intimacy has developed since we found the D/s lifestyle.
arwen and I have lived together in relative harmony as man and wife for the past six years.
I was happy in My marriage and I felt arwen was too. Despite this I'd always thought there could be more to it. Although I wasn't aware of it at first, arwen thought the same way, and through internet chat rooms, found the lifestyle and a great many people that were into it. The BDSM chat rooms and websites became her favorites and she began to learn.
arwen walked the path alone for about a year, joining communities, reading postings, joining chat and becoming more involved in a lifestyle that was new to her. I was never interested. she would always be asking me to read a posting or telling Me about a conversation she'd had with some Dominant or other. I never really gave it consideration until arwen decided she wanted to explore the lifestyle further, by actually going to see a dominant.
At this point I thought it was definitely time to get interested. My wife wanted to see another man to explore a lifestyle I had very little knowledge of; did I think this was OK?
Actually I did say yes. I have always trusted My wife and I knew she would benefit from such an experience. I could see she was serious about the situation and not wanting it as a way out of our relationship, rather as a way of enriching it. As her husband I believe it is my responsibility to allow her room to grow, to find herself, not to stifle her.
The man she went to meet was a Dominant she had spoken to on many occasions. He had a few years experience and was a chat room regular. He was well respected by others who knew Him, and recommended by one of His ex-subs. I spoke to Him on many occasions, both on IM and on the phone. I was present at most of his and arwens conversations, without his knowledge. I read all his emails to arwen, nothing was kept from me. He appeared genuine in his interest and honorable in his intentions. In the end I was happy to trust him.
So, I agreed to my wife meeting a dominant and, at the same time I decided I could walk this path too.
I joined the community of the chatroom arwen was a member of. I posted a message on the message board explaining who I was and what my thoughts were about arwen and her proposed meet with her Dom. That night was the real turning point for me, when I opened up to my wife for the first time and showed her more of who I really was. I had made promises to her and everyone in the community that I was 100 % OK with the situation, that I trusted her totally and that I knew she would come back to me a better and more complete person. I was beginning to wonder if it was all true. For the first time I felt she was slipping away from me and that I, rather than begging her to stay, was holding the door open for her to just walk out and leave me.
It scared the hell out of me. I have never cried in front of my wife before, but I did that night. I felt I was too far in to back out and that I just couldn't find the strength to keep the promises I had made to everyone. I was frightened, and the fact that I felt that way, the fact I realized what I was feeling made it even worse. arwen just held me and listened as I told her everything through a flood of tears. I looked deep into my soul that night, and saw myself staring back. A small child, with no idea what he was getting into. Frightened and scared that he would lose everything because he let a situation get beyond his control. I encountered real fear that night, for the first time in my life.
I changed that night. Everything I thought I was was stripped away. arwen helped me find the strength and the courage to see things through. Her support then was so important to me. I feel now I have a better understanding of who I am and why I feel the way I do. Why I feel I can trust her so much. I had read somewhere that "your fears, if you explore them are a treasure house of self knowledge". I feel I know exactly what that quote means now.
So the meeting went ahead, and I have to say, I was more confident about the whole situation. I had decided that the D/s lifestyle was for me and realized, after a lot of reading, how much sense the concept of Dominance and submission made. I knew I had the qualities of a Dominant, or at least, had aspirations to those qualities. However, the question at the back of my mind was, could I be submissive?
By this time arwen and I had started to experiment by playing scenes. I did not consider myself to be a Dominant at this point, I just saw it as a way to help arwen explore her submissiveness. arwen and I discussed my thoughts about me being submissive to her and we decided that she would "Top" me in a scene to see how I felt. we did that and I now know I couldn't be a sub. It's not that I didn't enjoy the scene or was uncomfortable relinquishing control, it's hard to explain. I just didn't feel submissive and knew I'd gain little by trying to become something I wasn't.
I was now well interested in the D/s lifestyle and now I knew what I wanted from it.
I realized to be a good Dominant I would need to study, to read articles written by both Dominants and Submissives in order to get a good understanding of what I was aiming to be, and the lifestyle I wanted to live. Some of the most interesting and enjoyable pieces I read were composed by male submissives.
I try to do some reading most days and don't think I will ever say that I wouldn't need to anymore. I know I could never say I was a complete, "successful" Dominant. D/s seems to be a constantly evolving philosophy that could never really be pinned down. I have been told from the start that there is no wrong way of living the D/s lifestyle, unless it is abusive or doesn't conform to the safe sane and consensual ideal. It all comes down to the preferences of the Dominant and submissive in question and they can be many and varied.
With this in mind, a relationship where the two parties become so intimate and experiment constantly to explore the roles they've entered into it is no wonder that some form of evolution occurs. Feelings change, limits change and the whole philosophy gets re-evaluated as a result. It is this that I find the best aspect of this lifestyle.
If a Dominant and His submissive have complete honesty and trust, and that communication is always open between them then the relationship will always grow. I am no expert, but this is what I believe. I don't think there will ever be a time when W/we say "right, W/we are here, the journey is over". The truth is the journey will never be over, and far from putting us off, it only adds to the excitement. D/s is a journey, not a destination. I think I read that somewhere and I believe it to be absolutely true.
I've digressed somewhat, haven't I?
arwens meeting with her Dom went well enough. I won't go into details here, I will leave that to arwen to explain and I'm sure she would be happy to talk about it with you if you asked her to. arwen learned one important thing that weekend, that I was her One. My trust and My faith in her were justified. As I had learned about Myself, she had done the same. It may have been an unusual step but I feel that it has benefited U/us immensely and W/we have become closer and more intimate that I ever thought possible. One thing was clear when arwen returned from that weekend, if she was going to have a dominant, it was going to be Me.
I have felt I was ready to receive arwens gift of submission since she returned to Me. She felt she was ready too but we waited to make sure there were no doubts, and to let emotions calm down. It made sense to let our friends in the chat room get used to the idea that arwen would not be seeing her Dom again, rather than announcing a collaring straight away. we feel we have come a long way in a few short weeks.
arwen accepted My collar two weeks after her meeting took place. our love and our understanding of E/each other has deepened so much I can scarcely believe it. we are eager to find what the future has in store for us.
NS.
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