24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

FuriousAngel -> 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 12:30:32 PM)

I apologize if this topic has been addressed in the past, and rest assured I have searched before creating this thread. I realize this may be 'old news' to many here, but it's something I've only truly become aware of over the past few months. I'd not given it thought before, but admit to being slightly baffled by it now.

I notice an vast amount of statements/profiles expressing their desire for long term, 24/7 r/t relationships, including relocating, etc. for such relationships. In many cases, I realize it's necessary as many in the lifestyle are not prepared to take these steps and so the need to be r/t must be defined by others to avoid confusion.

What I'm not quite understanding is the the focus on it in many profiles, particularly when it's expressed that it is necessary to be in such positions to relocate, move, become 24/7 in short periods of time. To me, it's expected that if a person expresses a desire to be r/t, that upon talking and such, that it would naturally progress to this over time?

If one takes vanilla sites, where profiles are posted, it is rare to see people express that they seek someone to be their significant other and move in/relocate at all, nevermind a specified time range as I see in profiles posted in the lifestyle. I am not judging others who do make such statements, or have made moves in what might be viewed as 'too soon' by others. This happens everywhere, vanilla or not.

I'm just picking people's brains as to why it seems to run so rampant in this lifestyle, versus vanilla. For example, I wouldn't move in with someone I'd known less than six months in a vanilla sense, yet it would seem that in the world of D/s, it's expected that submissives do so. Again, not judging....just seeking the thoughts of others on the topic. What is the difference here, versus any other way of life?





slavedesires -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 12:42:32 PM)

i addressed this same issue ...so many "girls" want mrriage in their first converstion with a dom ....i have seen them, have had doms share such bs with me.

in fact last week, after only a few email exchanges, one dom was prepared to transform me into his slave ...HOLY S**** i said to him...i might be married with 6 kids. full of diseases, have 8 doms, and a worthless peice of shit. LOLOL

on the other hand velcro collars abound... a little 19 yr old i spoke with is on her 5th instant "ownership" and is so spitefull angry... hummmmmm, what up with that?

i chatted with another gal last night who is still growing, relocating even farther aways from her master to only pursue her own job career....

i simply do not understand ANYONE who wants an instant relationship .... instant in and instant out...revolving doors and then they wonder why everyone esle is such "dickheads or wannabes" LOLOL


oh well human is human is human

~~shy



SweetDommes -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 12:52:19 PM)

We want eventual relocation, but ... we know that it is a huge step, something not to be taken lightly or rushed into. One of the questions on our profile that we have requested potentials to answer is about when they would be available to relocate - we have had some answer "tomorrow," some answer "in a few months," one answered "if we click with each other, 2 weeks after I give notice at work" (which was the best answer, in our opinions), and a few have answered with a year or longer. We pretty much ignored the "tomorrow" answers, as that is unrealistic, unsafe, and not very clear-minded ... the others, we have talked to them, and seen if it would be possible at all. We do want someone that would be relocatable within 18 months or so ... but if it takes longer, and they are worth waiting for (and can come for regular visits) then that's ok with us.

We are always confused and concerned when someone wants to move in within the week ... again, not very safe or sane. Those get told either to slow down, or flat out that we are not interested. We want someone who is realistic about the lifestyle, what it entails, AND what it will take to make our version (with the poly factor thrown in, just as one example) work.



DesertRat -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 1:10:43 PM)

When my slave and I started getting really serious I had to come to terms with the fact that she may be starting university studies soon and may not be able to live with me for three years. My response? No problem. Well....actually...problem...but not an insurmountable one. Just means one or both of us will be making transatlantic trips as needed. The alternative would be to...shit, I dunno...for me there is really no alternative. We have something that is just too good let pass over an issue like this.

Now, before I met her, I was definitely in favor of moving things along as quickly as possible. Maybe that is because nothing seemed really real to me. I dunno.

Bob



FelinePersuasion -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 3:09:14 PM)

Actually, you can still be real time and not relocate. I refuse to even consider anything more than an hour or two away from me. That to me is real time and I won't relocate. If you're not close enough that I can not easily get to them in an hour or so it won't happen. I've done long distance, it never works for me.



nella -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 3:33:33 PM)

Me and my fiance and Dom met when i was 16 and moved togehter when i was 19, but then we started out as vanilla and is only now taking or relationship to D/s.



Voltare -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 3:45:38 PM)

Here's a couple threads that address the relocation and internet dating in general.

http://www.collarme.com/forum/m_6186/mpage_1/key_relocate/tm.htm#6186

http://www.collarme.com/forum/m_5956/mpage_1/key_relocate/

My opinion hasn't changed since posting back then. Relocation is a long shot at best, can be made slightly shorter if you know what you're doing, but can be emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially crippling under the best of circumstances.

The reasoning for relocation isn't much of a mystery in my mind, though. Truth is, if you live in a small town (less then 20,000) and a significant (more then an hour) distance from a large city, then odds are not quite so good at finding someone who's a good match for you. The town I was raised in was VERY conservative. I could probably have suggested to tie a girlfriend up, but if my kink was, say, having her make me wear a diaper, then I would probably be out of luck.

And, I remember back in the day, I had the thought that the person I was in 'real life' would be better expressed through words, without annoying things like just appearence getting in the way. What I eventually came to believe was that most people who look exclusively online, are doing so because they were generally unhappy with their 'real lives' and online, instead of being themselves, they would become the person they wished they were.

Just a few ramblings...

Stephan




Youtalkingtome -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 3:58:42 PM)

I read your profile and it looks like you are new to BDSM.
I think the posters before me had good answers but didn't answer your question.
The difference is that in a vanilla relationship a real relationship is what both people are looking for. And if they live far apart one will need to relocate.
With BDSM relationships some are only looking for online roll play and some may want real life roll play on a short term basis.The their are those of us like my self that only seek a real relationship and no online roll play.So this is more like a vanilla relationship where one would have to move at some point.
How long before one moves is upto the people involved.



liltxsubby -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 4:27:30 PM)

quote:

With BDSM relationships some are only looking for online roll play and some may want real life roll play on a short term basis.The their are those of us like my self that only seek a real relationship and no online roll play.


This explanation makes a lot of sense. People might also state that they would expect relocation soon because they are impatient. Or to make it clear that they will not be the ones to relocate. Or maybe they've had bed experiences in hte past and wish to avoid them again.

It's not always the sub that will relocate. Fangs and I haven't made a final decision, but more and more it seems the likely choice will be for him to come here in a few months. The job market for both of us is much better here, and my Dad is ill and I'm almost afraid to go too far off.




nella -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 4:44:16 PM)

i am sorry to hear aboute your father, i hope we will get better soon.



proudsub -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 5:13:42 PM)

quote:

Here's a couple threads that address the relocation and internet dating


Thanks Voltare, i was about to go pull those.[:)]



FuriousAngel -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 7:02:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Youtalkingtome

I read your profile and it looks like you are new to BDSM.
I think the posters before me had good answers but didn't answer your question.
The difference is that in a vanilla relationship a real relationship is what both people are looking for. And if they live far apart one will need to relocate.
With BDSM relationships some are only looking for online roll play and some may want real life roll play on a short term basis.The their are those of us like my self that only seek a real relationship and no online roll play.So this is more like a vanilla relationship where one would have to move at some point.
How long before one moves is upto the people involved.


To a degree, I'm 'new' but I've actually been stumbling through the lifestyle for about five years now. It was only in the past two years that I discovered it existed at such a magnintude online. (Not sure if this is a good or bad thing yet! Sure does complicate matters having soooo much information at my disposal) LOL!

I think the reason for the question is because lately I've been doing some comparison between actions, decisions, etc. I've made within this lifestyle, that I would not have made if given the same situation in a vanilla context. In turn, this has caused me to make many differentiating factors and I'm trying to understand why.

I do realize the reason people have to clarify the desire for r/t is that many do seek online only, or perhaps aren't interested in 24/7. I am just not understanding why it goes as far as to be so specific about relocation, etc.

I'm comparing it to vanilla profiles in the sense that one might state they seek something permanent, or long term, etc. yet, you rarely if ever see mention of relocating, moving, etc. In fact, I might balk at the sight of a person speaking co-habitating in a vanilla profile. Yet, it doesn't make me blink an eye seeing it in the lifestyle.

I'm just curious about the reasoning for this, and why I've seen it so often that I am used to it now? Am I making sense? LOL!

Thanks to everyone their sharing thoughts. It's very insightful!



domtimothy46176 -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/16/2005 10:45:02 PM)

I think the difference is that there is the presumption on vanilla dating sites that the long-term goal of a match is marriage. As many of us who are exclusively looking for long-term in-house relationships have found, this is not a safe assumption to make in BDSM sites. In addition to those who are only interested in on-line reationships, you can also find those on sites like this who are only interested in part-time relationships, relationships that never evolve to co-habitation, play-only relationships, etc. I think what you're referring to may be a knee-jerk reaction to being disillusioned. Many approach WIITWD from romantic motivations and may have found themselves unpleasantly surprised by a "match" that never intended to settle down and "play house". Although I don't use the type of language you're referring to, I, too, was caught off-guard by those looking for something other than permanance early on.
Timothy



FuriousAngel -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/17/2005 12:32:35 AM)

Bang! Now that explains it to me in a way I was not able to wrap my head around! Thank you!


P.S. Voltare, I took the time to read the link you provided and must say I wish I'd stumbled across it earlier in my online travels. I loved it so much I have it tucked away for future reference and reminder. Thank you very much.



Padriag -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/17/2005 3:56:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: liltxsubby

quote:

With BDSM relationships some are only looking for online roll play and some may want real life roll play on a short term basis.The their are those of us like my self that only seek a real relationship and no online roll play.


This explanation makes a lot of sense. People might also state that they would expect relocation soon because they are impatient. Or to make it clear that they will not be the ones to relocate. Or maybe they've had bad experiences in the past and wish to avoid them again.


That pretty much hit the nail on the head for me as well. I go into chat rooms to relax, and I participate in forums like this one for the discussions. I've "met" a lot of women online over the years, but so many of them just want to play around online and really have no intention of meeting in real life. That can be very frustrating when some of them decide to be misleading about what it is they want. I also agree with Desert Rat that until you meet them face to face it can be hard to really believe its real. For me that is a consequence of meeting so many online who lie about who and what they are.



BobcatsLilMinx -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/17/2005 5:48:50 AM)

I've always said that I would relocate for the "right" person.... But I've never said it to any dom/mes! People always seem too willing to jump into an r/t relationship, moving across countries to be with this person they've spoken to for a few months online, deciding that because they speak online together, they'll get on perfectly fine in real life. Result? At best, everything might go swimmingly. At worst, it can cost you your life (and no, I don't mean in the crazed murderer scenario, but leaving your life behind to start a new one, and then realising there is nothing to start a new one from when you get there). I was speaking to a girl on here who moved to the US when she was 16 to be with her Master after knowing him online for 3 weeks. She was desperate, and had nowhere else to go. 3 years on, she is still with him and apparently happy, although I suppose that having nowhere to go is a good incentive to endure things that others might find beyong endurance. I don't want that kind of imprisonment, ever.

One of the more sensible things I ever encountered on here was a Dom/me couple who offered to help me find my own apartment in their area, so that I could move closer without actually being dependant on them. To me, that makes much more sense than placing all your egss in the hands of a Master who may squish them all without even noticing (eggs are only little... and those Masters don't always know their own strength).

My plan has always been to get to know any potential partners really well in real life, before moving in with them. And that goes for whether they live up the road, or in Alaska. Granted, it's a little harder if they do live in Alaska, but to my mind, if neither of us are willing to put that time and effort in, well, there's no relationship to relocate to.

Minx



Voltare -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/18/2005 9:40:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FuriousAngel

P.S. Voltare, I took the time to read the link you provided and must say I wish I'd stumbled across it earlier in my online travels. I loved it so much I have it tucked away for future reference and reminder. Thank you very much.


Obviously, by the responses on those links, there are people with opinions on both sides of the playing field. I'm glad that they were helpful to you, though!



liltxsubby -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/18/2005 12:24:29 PM)

quote:

i am sorry to hear aboute your father, i hope we will get better soon.


thanks, nella. i know it sounds horrible, but he's honestly just old.



lil1v -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/18/2005 3:39:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BobcatsLilMinx

I've always said that I would relocate for the "right" person....


My plan has always been to get to know any potential partners really well in real life, before moving in with them. And that goes for whether they live up the road, or in Alaska. Granted, it's a little harder if they do live in Alaska, but to my mind, if neither of us are willing to put that time and effort in, well, there's no relationship to relocate to.

Minx


Exactly. And yes there are many (even in nilla relationships) that believe .. we get along so well online, lets move in together!

Getting to KNOW someone takes a lot of time.. and a lot of effort on BOTH parts. If that effort isn't there, then there isn't anything else there worth keeping either.

I never put 24/7 or TPE on my profile as ... well I don't want to confuse people. I want the dynamic to exist 24/7, but I just don't envision scening 24/7. Some want that, but I just don't see it as realistic for me.



submittous -> RE: 24/7 R/t/ & Relocation Expectations In The Lifestyle... (4/20/2005 4:40:27 PM)

I think the reason many people here are specific about 24/7, real life and relocating is that many more folks here are only looking for online thrills, and seem to think it is more thrilling to talk with real life people. We try to "nail down" if someone is serious about wanting real life as soon as possible, especially with male slave applicants. We have invested literally months of email exchanges, IM chatts and phone calls on people who were never considering real life relationhsips. U think it is because many here are here for sexual fetish and not in search of realtionship as on more vanilla sites.

Bill



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125