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Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 6:26:35 PM

WiseCracknSadist

Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
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I was curious about rule enforcement in relationships. The general concensous seems to be that when a sub or slave misbehaves they are punished.

So am I to assume that good behavior is expected and anything less than what is expected is punished? Or do some couple or families also use a reward system for continued good behavior?

I realize that everyone is different just looking to be enlightened.

Post #: 1

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 6:28:45 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Good behaviour is expected from me and not rewarded as such. Bad behaviour is punished there and then. We have very few rules as my behaviour has in the main been acceptable to him without them.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 2

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 6:47:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Rewards tend to be far more effective in behavior modification than punishments. Also, a little tends to go a long way for both so I don't need to throw a party every time he remembers something he should remember.

For me, punishment is extremely serious and extremely rare- I really don't get relationships in which punishment is a weekly or nearly daily event and so casually tossed out like cookies.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_800482/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#800522
Punishment and how you choose to apply it

http://www.collarchat.com/m_611292/mpage_2/key_punishment/tm.htm#611778
Punishment is Deceptive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_597685/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#597689
Talking Vs Corporal Punishment

http://www.collarchat.com/m_572243/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#572280
Question for female subs on punishment

http://www.collarchat.com/m_18608/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#18608
Punishment and Discipline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_74162/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#74162
Training? Punishment?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_84734/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#84734
Punishment vs Play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_146151/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#146151
What is the difference between punishment and discipline?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_374557/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#374557
Testing, being broken, regular punishment, etc, etc....

http://www.collarchat.com/m_523257/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#523257
Discipline & Punishment

http://www.collarchat.com/m_495126/mpage_1/key_punishment/tm.htm#495126
On punishment

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 3

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 6:53:22 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings wisecracknsadist,

good behavior is expected, and i consider the positive attention i get from Him to be a reward for that. "bad behavior," as such, is dealt with accordingly...99% of the time it's not a willful disobedience issue, but either way, we discuss it, i endeavor to change it, and move on. occasionally if i overstep a restriction (such as accidentally saying "please" in the heat of the moment, even though begging is not allowed), i'll be physically punished in seriousness (by a faceslap, or whatever), but usually corporal punishment is reserved for "play" punishment in our relationship.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 4

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 7:06:59 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

My reward for good behavior is a growing attention I show her. That's just human nature. My punishment is the opposite. Even though there was a great thread on how to punish a masochist physically, I'm not sure about it. I have come to the conclusion I won't use it again because I would have to alter the safe way I use pain in scenes. I'm not comfortable with doing that.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 5

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 7:07:57 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

So am I to assume that good behavior is expected and anything less than what is expected is punished? Or do some couple or families also use a reward system for continued good behavior?

I wouldn't assume anything. You'll find a little of everything. There are those who use reward only and exclude punishment. You'll find some who do the reverse and use punishment, but not reward. You'll find every conceivable mix of the two. And you'll also get arguments and discussions about punishment vs discipline vs correction and whether or not they're the same thing or not.

Me personally, I use punishment / discipline (in my book they are the same thing) to correct undesirable behaviors, while using reward / reinforcement to encourage desired behaviors. I find the combination of the two works quite well. I also use a process of extinction to eliminate undesired behaviors and shaping to create desired behaviors not already present... but now we're getting into the deep end of the behavioral psychology pool.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 6

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 7:17:19 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I can't remember the last time I was punished. It's not really that my Daddy doesn't believe in it, but why would you be with someone that you're having to punish all of the time in order to expect compliance?

He motivates me to succeed, but not all successes are rewarded. Sometimes just the success can be the only reward. Then there are the times when I wake up to find surprises clipped to my coffee pot so it's the first thing I see in the morning. Maybe I didn't do anything exceptional to deserve a "reward" per se, but He is showing me that all around I have pleased Him.

I guess, we don't live in the world of reward and punishment. We live in the world of disappointment and success.

Edited for spelling....Ack!

< Message edited by spanklette -- 4/5/2007 7:18:04 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 7

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 7:56:43 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I can't remember the last time I was punished. It's not really that my Daddy doesn't believe in it, but why would you be with someone that you're having to punish all of the time in order to expect compliance?

He motivates me to succeed, but not all successes are rewarded. Sometimes just the success can be the only reward. Then there are the times when I wake up to find surprises clipped to my coffee pot so it's the first thing I see in the morning. Maybe I didn't do anything exceptional to deserve a "reward" per se, but He is showing me that all around I have pleased Him.

I guess, we don't live in the world of reward and punishment. We live in the world of disappointment and success.

Edited for spelling....Ack!

spanklette, thats the same way I feel. I couldn't have said it better. There is a reason why I'm with him, and not someone else.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 8

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:03:40 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I agree with the general here. I punish when I deem necessary and reward when I see fit. It is dependant upon Me as I wish. I have always been rather adament about preferring well behaved subs. It is just My style. However, in the right mood, I can find the slightest things to punish over. The same thing goes for rewards. It really is up to Me, in the end, and how I want a particular scene to be orchastrated.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 9

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:13:24 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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Thank you. It's not everyone's way, just ours. But, living this 24/7 just doesn't leave the time nor the inclination to be punishing and rewarding every single behavior...at least, for us. I do think, though, that it has made us more mentally and spiritually connected as a couple. A simple "thank you" is all that happens sometimes, but so much more is communicated.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 10

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:16:13 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

He tells me when I get it right, and he reminds me when I forget something. Since it's my goal to please, not doing so is punishment enough, and doing so is reward enough. Anything else is gravy. :)
I do like gravy.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:18:05 PM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

to me i always like to behave and Obey i dont exspect a reward becouse i know i am saposed to and that is why i dont behave just to get rewarded like some will

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To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 12

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:29:21 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

You know... I think one day when politicians start passing legislation on BDSM practices and ethics a lot of people are going to be much happier. Hey, why not have a BDSM American Constitution?

First Amendment - The right to place a submissive under consideration.

Second Amendment - The right to collar a submissive.

Third Amendment - The rights of a submissive to impose limits and use safe words...

...and so on, etc, ad nauseum.

Why do people have to always have a 'one size fits all theory'?

Why do people always have to let a general consensus dictate to them what their relationships should be like?

Why can't people actually get to know the person they're with, communicate with them, learn to trust them and trust that they are making their own successful relationship?

Are we really so lacking in imagination?

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 13

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:36:05 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm fairly sure it's not lack of imagination...it's lack of confidence. People want to be part of the norm, even when in a lifestyle that is considered outside of the norm. They want to be accepted and they want someone to tell them how it should be done. There's no real "how it should be done" answer, only experience nad guidance.

Once their self-confidence is gained imagination is sure to follow.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 14

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:43:51 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Thank you. It's not everyone's way, just ours. But, living this 24/7 just doesn't leave the time nor the inclination to be punishing and rewarding every single behavior...at least, for us. I do think, though, that it has made us more mentally and spiritually connected as a couple. A simple "thank you" is all that happens sometimes, but so much more is communicated.

spanklette, thanks for this. it's an awesome post :)

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 15

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 8:45:21 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Why, thank you!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 16

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 9:02:59 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

We don't have a punishment dynamic at all. We don't do "good" behavior or "bad" behavior. It's just not how things work here. He is cruel and lvoing and wonderful and does have a penchant for rewards but that is because he is Pavlov and I'm his bitch.

< Message edited by arayofsunshine55 -- 4/5/2007 9:03:20 PM >

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 17

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 9:59:51 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

I was curious about rule enforcement in relationships. The general concensous seems to be that when a sub or slave misbehaves they are punished.

So am I to assume that good behavior is expected and anything less than what is expected is punished? Or do some couple or families also use a reward system for continued good behavior?

I realize that everyone is different just looking to be enlightened.

Greetings

Master does not enforce rules with me; I simply do what is expected and that is that. He knows that if something is broken, it is because of a serious issue that needs to be discussed immediatly.

Now, in regards to misbehaving though, Master does not tolerate disobedience of any kind. I do not like pain, and since disobedience means extreme pain; I avoid it when I can To date, he has never had to take a whip to me because of disobedience.

As for good behavior. Master does not reward for what is expected.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 18

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/5/2007 10:13:57 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I had a small problem when all Master ever seemed to do was punish me for doing wrong without ever any possative reinforsments for the time I did well (most the time) made me feel like I never did any good and was only a screw up. we had a talk about it and man I love that man because since then he has gone above and beyond to fix it.. its made a huge difference in how I feel about myself as a slave given me such a great amount of confadence that I have become a better slave for it. I dont foult Master for not knowing befor hand for I am his first slave and the fact that he didnt do possative reinforsment for good behavior cant really be seen as a foult within him however the fact the as soon as it was brought to his attention that he did such a full turn around does attest to how wonderfull he is. Some time he rewords me for doing something good by reduseing a punishment if I have one comeing (that is just one example) he also praises me a lot for good work Im not so good at takeing compliments and it makes me blush but also makes me feel really good and has helped a lot with my confedance.
Yes good behavior is expected but I dont think it should be taken for granted and sometimes a slave needs to hear that they are doing good.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 4/5/2007 10:16:16 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to jauntyone)

Post #: 19

RE: Punishment and rewards - 4/6/2007 5:17:44 AM

yenlui

Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline

The biggest "reward" that can be given, is when He tells me He's proud if me. But He does reward me in other ways too, and I really like that. Even if it's expected, it's good to be reminded on how I please Him.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 20

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