sweetnygirl
Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
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Maxine: That Grand Old Girl!
1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."
2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my buns."
3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless." *****
5. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed." ****
6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards." *****
7. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
8. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of salt This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita ******
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts em down pretty quick.
Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.
Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down...are the ones who got you mad in the first place.
Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years. Assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked.
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Take time to eat the flowers!
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