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Fever? - 4/6/2007 12:58:00 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Maybe I should put this in health and safety because I feel like I'm having a heart attack. 

But, I was dumped tonight, quite suddenly.  Tomorrow we were planning on getting together (it was a long distance arrangement) something I had been looking forward to.  The relationship had been progressing rather steadily with him requesting increasingly edgy things from me and me voluntarily offering up bits of myself, so I didn't really have any idea this was coming.  I started calling him Sir not too long ago, and he called me girl.  He just reminded me of his slave rules and I took that as an indication that he was serious.  It was like a story book romance without  much romance, but alot of kink.  We spoke earlier today, and I wanted to know where he thought it was going between us because I knew I was becoming really invested and wanted to make sure he was willing to go with that.  He said he couldn't say yet and, as I understood it, still had some concerns but it didn't sound to me like it was anything that couldn't be dealt with rather simply.  

Then tonight, he had done some thinking, and changed his mind citing the distance and my lack of a social life (I'm a single mom academic...I haven't really been out in years and when I do get out its not to bars and stuff and I don't really know how to talk to drunk people.  So I get really nervous. And because I've been the designated driver when we've gone out, I haven't been able to calm my nerves with alcohol.).  The distance between us isn't that great, and for the time being I couldn't get to see him much, but my situation is changing so I didn't see that as a permanent problem. (I'm only where I'm at because I've been in school here, and I've nearly completed the requirements for my degree, thanks in part to his motivation, so I have no ties to where I'm at.  And, my ex and I are rearranging um custody per our original aggreement)  So, I really had no idea this was coming.  I thought perhaps he was more interested in keeping things casual, which I was fine with but really didn't expect a total dump and last minute cancellation of our plans.

Anyway, I've never been dumped like this before.  My ex-husband initiated our separation divorce but that was long after we became boring married people who barely tolerated each other, and he had already fallen in love with someone else.  It was a shock but I didn't lose any sleep over it. 

Now, not only am I unable to sleep, but I feel like I have a fever. I don't (I took my temperature).  I'm just burning up.  And, my heart aches and I keep hyperventilating.  Its almost like being dumped makes me aroused--can that be?!?!? 

I'm just wondering if this is common and looking to hear other's experiences.  I know I get really attached, but this is a new experience.

I'm feeling better now that I've written this.  I'm a bit at a loss, because for the last couple months or so, I've relied on him, either directly or just in my imagination, to help me through trouble spots in my life, and now there's just an absense where he used to be.  Thats the problem with the good ones.  Ya miss them when they go.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 2:21:09 AM   
megan2007


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		dear gypsygirl,

i'm so sorry to hear about what happened, what He did sounds both unfair and unethical to me.  unfair becouse it sounds like a complete up and turn around on His part.  and unethical becouse a good Dominant should be aware of, and keep in mind the impact and depth They have on a sub/slave's life.  and so, if He realy had to totaly end the relationship, He should have done so gently, and been open and available to you, to still talk to.

that said, i can definatly sympathise with you.  from the sounds of things, you have experienced a variation of 'sub-drop'. (if that is not the correct term, please forgive me, and i'd like clarification of it, thanks!)  i had a simular experience, when the One who was acting as a Mentor to me, and i, had an unexpected, intense arguement.  i actualy had to beg off that i had to go, and get off the phone with Him at the time, becouse i was simply too angry/in shock.  well, until W/we were able to resolve the arguement, which took almost two days, i was like the walking wounded...i felt like i'd been diving, and come up too fast...a case of the proverbial 'bends'.  they physical symptoms you described, sounded all too familuar to me.

i wish i knew of something to say to you, that would help a little...but i dont.  i hope things work out where perhaps the T/two of Y/you are able to at least settle as F/friends.

take care and blessed be.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 2:45:17 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Thank you for your kind words. 

I can't say he was unethical or anything like that, because I knew he was a sadist from the get go with an interest in the internal stuff.  And, I urged him not to pull punches with me, but to be straight.  I had saught clarification on where things were going precisely because I getting to a "point of no return" and wanted to be sure.  And he did provide clarification.  I just didn't like what that clarification was. :)

But, yeah, likening it to subdrop rings true.  Its like a 4 month scene that just ended.  I did have this same feeling in a previous relationship in the course of an argument, but I ended the argument and resolved the issue.  When the relationship ended, it was my doing so I was ready.  This is that funny feeling of being totally out of control.  It's like, oops, this isn't my game, is it?

Again, thanks. :)


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 4:15:15 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I feel your pain.  Unexpected changes, when you've invested as wisely as you possibly can ~ Hurt! 
Sometimes even more so when a lack of social life makes those times together even more precious. 

For what there worth, I'm sending Hugs..........



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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 4:32:03 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		So true about the lack of social life making it worse.  I'm looking at a rare week off with no plans.  I never let that happen.  My sister's gonna put me up for a couple days (sweet thing that she is), but that still leaves a lot of free time.  I might have to find an on-line game or something.  Oh, and I used to hang out in this irc channel with a pornbot.  Maybe I can dig that up. :)

And, thank you for your hugs. :)


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 4:38:48 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		 There is alot about your post i can relate to from my past. i am sorry to know you are going through this. Just know you are not alone.

Warm Hugs~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 6:13:07 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm really sorry, believe me, I can relate to your feelings :)  As far as feeling a "fever", I"m the opposite.  Everytime I've had a serious emotional blow in my life, I've gotten the feeling that ice water was just dumped over my head and it runs through my veins for months.  I'm physically freezing cold.  I had a fuzzy jacket that I wore and didn't take off, except to sleep, for about 3 or 4 months when my husband unexpectedly left me and I had to deal with all the messy fallout alone a few years back.  Finally someone at work commented that I had to take the security blanket off sometime.....lol

Anyway, maybe feeling extreme warmth is just your body's way of reacting to extreme emotional stress, like mine does by feeling cold? 

Good luck....I know this means nothing right now, but you're probably a lot better off without him :)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 6:58:56 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

We spoke earlier today, and I wanted to know where he thought it was going between us because I knew I was becoming really invested and wanted to make sure he was willing to go with that. He said he couldn't say yet and, as I understood it, still had some concerns but it didn't sound to me like it was anything that couldn't be dealt with rather simply.

Then tonight, he had done some thinking, and changed his mind citing the distance and my lack of a social life

Seems funny to me that he was fine with the distance and your lack of social life before, and now it is a "problem" just when it looks like you'll be having more time available and you're starting to feel invested in him. In my opinion, he just didn't have the balls to tell you he'd prefer to keep it casual and so he dumped you instead. Another spin could be that he lacked the balls to step up the intensity of a casual relationship with you; instead he chose to run away.

Anyway, perhaps the cure for the fever is shifting from "What the hell just happened?" to "What's his problem?"

BTW -- good luck with your defense!


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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 7:22:48 AM   
XahleenaXkajiraX


Posts: 86
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		gypsy im so sorry to hear about this, here is a typical answer for you... but he obviously dosent deserve someone so beautiful!  dont get yourself worked up over this man lots of other Master fishies out there *hugs*

lindsey

_____________________________

Semper Fidelis Vir. Ex Uxor.

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is."- Camus

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 7:41:55 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		How awful to be in such a situation. How awful for such a person to act so counter to who they are inside, if they'd stop and look. The good news is: you'll be ok. You can choose how it affects you...it just simply will take time to change you feelings from a victim mindset to gratitude. If he'd dump you so easily and quickly with no regard to how you might take it, he's obviously not a match for you. You found out early. *hugs*

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 7:47:05 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

Maybe I should put this in health and safety because I feel like I'm having a heart attack. 

Now, not only am I unable to sleep, but I feel like I have a fever. I don't (I took my temperature).  I'm just burning up.  And, my heart aches and I keep hyperventilating. 


Sounds like an anxiety attack to me. Just your body overresponding to your emotions and feeling of helplessness. Remember you are grieving for the loss of the relationship and what you hoped it could be. These kinds of things also make us look more harshly upon ourselves and see all the things we did wrong. Eventually you will get some perspective and be able to see it's HIM not you. Time will heal.

Sadly his behavior is going to make it even more difficult for you to trust the next person.  That makes me mad. I know how it does the same thing to me. It's getting sooooooo hard to not be a cynical person on here.  But then i am refusing to give up. So big hugs and if you need to talk we're here. 

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 9:14:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with MasterFireMaam of course and know that time will help.  Personally, I always advocate against long distance relationships because of all the extra stress they put on, but that's because I was in one for years and don't think anyone should have to go through that :)

The social life?  I don't drink.  Going out to bars is probably my LEAST favorite thing to do.  And the fact that you were long distance probably meant that most of your time you spent at home- on the computer or phone.  Add in the single mother thing and I think it makes perfect sense that you pretty much didn't go out and do much.

Now, you have to decide for yourself whether this is what you want.  I do NOT think you should get a social life to get him back or convince him you're a cool person.  He made his choice and let him have it.  But you SHOULD be enjoying life and what it has to offer- movies, festivals, book readings, meetup groups.  Again, as someone who hates bars, there's plenty of fun social stuff to do beyond that.  In fact if HE didn't think of that, I'd say his social life was pretty limited and boring too.

Sorry for the break up, time will help and it can be tough.  Relationships end for tons of reasons- even if you do everything right, that's not necessarily a promise of success.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 9:28:33 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I'm also sorry this happened to you gypsy.  Brings up a question I ask myself a lot..... What is WRONG with people? 

Also makes ya wanna whack 'em upside the head with a 2X4 and when they come to, ask 'em......

"Didn't see that comin' didya?" 

"Hurt didn't it?" 

"Good!  Now you know how I feel."

"Oh and have a nice day!"


Ahem......... 'scuse me, I'm a tad hormonal right now.

Sending you hugs....

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 9:46:17 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am so sorry to hear this happened to you.  As other said you are better off woitout someone who is going to hurt you ike that.  4 months you said  just enough time to start to have an emotional investment.  Sounds like he did not want to be serious and instead of being honest with you he got scared and dumped you.    I know this is hard righ now but it will bet better.  Best wishes.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 9:51:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		gypsy,
Sorry to hear the story of what you just experienced. It's currently no comfort to know that he reached the maximum amount of intimacy he was willing to give. Maybe at a later date you'll appreciate that you saved yourself additional angst by going through the experience now instead of latter after you invested more emotions into the relationship that weren't reciprocal. There is no "get over it"; at best you can use what you experienced as a reference for the next time.

When you do that though don't only draw upon the bad. There were good things that occurred too. When you get that overwhelming feeling of despair where its effecting you physically try and bring those times to your mind.

And you weren't "dumped". "Dump" implies garbage, neither you or all that you went through should be put in those terms. You broke up a relationship, but you also accomplished things along the way that will not be lost. If there is nothing else, your near completion of your degree, which you assign motivation to him, is something that you should not "dump".

Use this weekend to regroup. Use all the resources you have to do so. Enjoy an Easter egg hunt with your UM's. Hell, ours are aged from 22 - 19 and we're going to put them to the task to hunt eggs in our front lawn. Of course our "bait" is age appropriate. Some eggs will contain significant monetary rewards and other age appropriate temptations.

Have FUN! I was going to say "try to have fun" but as beth's favorite philosopher, 'Yoda' says; "There is no TRY - only DO!"

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 11:59:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like he chickened out of the relationship.  It's better that this happened now, although I understand it doesn't help that people keep saying that.  Since you felt better after writing about this you may want to consider a private blog where you can let your thoughts and feelings out.  I do this occasionally and I find it helpful because sometimes if I get it out of my head I can relax a bit.

I use livejournal.com




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 12:24:45 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with hereyesruponyou sounds like an anxiety attack or panic attack. I have had them and they make you feel like you are having a heart attack and in some extreme cases can make you feel like you are dying. Rejection like this hurts and our emotions can really make our body act funny. Maybe it is compounded by the fact that you are submissive, I don't know for sure just speculating. It will get better and hopefully soon you will be able to look back and think 'His loss'. Huggs.

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Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 1:19:51 PM   
ScreamerGirl


Posts: 65
Joined: 1/8/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds a bit like something I experienced when my ex in CA and I split.

Turns out for me though it was a series of small panic attacks.  I had had anxiety problems in the past, but nothing that extreme. 

And I've rarely had once since then.  But I keep the xanax scrip up to date just in case.

Might be worth doing a WebMD search and see how many of the symptoms you match.


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Verbosities

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 2:07:27 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like your relationship got to one of those places in which the decision on both sides was either moving it forward into more serious territory or ending it, and his decision was that it should end. I am sorry for your hurt and anxiety. It may not be much consolation now, but since he knows he could not be more serious with you and move forward it sounds as though he took the responsible course of ending it before more serious pain could be inflicted. Not everyone is able to be objective and end what sounds like a sexy relationship because they knew the emotional side of it was not there.

He is now out of your way and you can find someone that would be better suited, someone that admires your academic background, your responsibility for your children, and that bars are not your thing. It sounds as though perhaps you guys were ill suited. Now you are free to find something more suitable for yourself.

I know the hyperventilating experience. My former dom used to put me in that state too often, and that was part of the reason that it could not continue on... I just did not have it in me to have a panic attack everytime he disapproved of something in my life.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Fever? - 4/6/2007 5:17:31 PM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		 I agree with juliaoceania Sounds like he had gotten to only where he could go, but He did not have the kindness or the ability to face you and say I can not go any farther at this time, WE need to stop and think if we should go forward. I wish you did not have to go through this but all hurts we feel If we let them can become great learning for tomorrow.
Hugs and best wishing for the next Smart one to see your true beauty and submission as a great gift!!

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