What is the rush? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

dovemagic -> What is the rush? (4/16/2005 11:51:48 PM)

I am a sub-in-training. I have joined the community and joined a dungeon where I am getting excellent counseling, learning about protocol, safe words etc. My ultimate goal is to have a Dom of my own; but that is ultimate, not tonight, not even my nexr week.

Yet so many Dom's seem to think I should hand them my leash just because they say they are a Dom. I even had one who wanted to do a kidnap rape scene as a first meeting and several that want me to relocate sight unseen. Am I being overly cautious? Are these the norm for Dom's, my Training Dom's tell me to be patient and the Dom's are wanting committment yesterday. To say the least I am confused.



junecleaver -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 12:05:17 AM)

There's a difference between someone who is a Dominant and someone who solely wants your pants.

There are stupid people everywhere---BDSM communities included.



lil1v -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 2:55:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dovemagic

Am I being overly cautious? Are these the norm for Dom's, my Training Dom's tell me to be patient and the Dom's are wanting committment yesterday. To say the least I am confused.


*smiles* BDSM "dating" is a lot like any vanilla dating relationship. Its not reasonable for you to move in together on the first date.

However since BDSM involves some more risky behavior as a general rule. Be cautious.. take your time.. Make sure that the Dom you choose is the Dom for you.

Be patient and don't let a Dom pressure you into submitting to them. Make sure you're ready. Make sure the Dom is the right "fit".

And don't worry about being overly cautious.. its better to be safer.. than sorry later.



Overlord218 -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 3:01:39 AM)

*Sigh* Sorry folks, but I'm up on the soapbox again.

It's a sad fact of life that the lifestyle attracts dropkicks who pick a name, call themselves dominant, then use that to "overcome" subbies and get their rocks off. Unfortunately, the anonymity of the Internet makes it that much easier.

I get the impression from your post that you're a sensible cautious girl. Keep that attitude and it'll serve you well.



Padriag -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 4:08:11 AM)

There isn't a lot I can add to what has already been said. I agree that those trying to rush you into a relationship are probably just wanting in your pants. Take your time, make them earn your trust. This is one way of looking at it.

Sometime back I had a discussion about submissives earning collars and dominants earning trust. The conversation came down to this. The general opinion was that the submissive needs to prove her or himself insofar as showing they are genuinely submissive, serious in their commitment, aware of what they are choosing and able to follow through. The dominant needs to earn the trust and the respect of the submissive as these are necessary for the the submissive to be able to submit in a healthy relationship. The more trust that is earned, the deeper and more natural the submission seems to be. The whole idea was summed up pretty well with the phrase, "The submissive earns the collar, the dominant earns the leash." Make them earn that leash. A good dominant won't mind that challenge.



dovemagic -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 8:09:43 AM)

Okay, I have certain "rules" or limits that are mine that I feel will let my Dom, when I find him know that he is special. the ones that I refer to as my "training Doms" they are playing me physically and helping me understand what it means to be a submissive, accept this; but the "Dating Doms' do not. Since my Dom will come from the Dating" group Shouldn't their opinion be more important?

My rules:
1. I will not call you Sir or Master unless we are playng and you are my Top and then only while we are playing. That title belongs to MY Dom.
2. I will not have sex with you, period. That belongs to my Dom.
3. I will not meet with you privately without the knowledge of at least one of my mentors and without setting up safe calls and having you checked out in the community. If no one in the community knows you, I am not coming. If you are from a different community, I want someone who knows you there, my mentors are very well connected and can find out about a Dom from BFE, if I want to meet him.
4. First public meetings will NOT lead to play, the exception being if we meet in a dungeon.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 2:30:54 PM)

Let's face reality- doms and subs both rush into this in frenzy all the time.

And many become disillusioned, disappointed and in some other way regretful of it.

But hey, who doesn't cringe when they think about their first dating attempts?

Go at your own pace, use good sense and do what feels right. I have no problems doing stuff on first meets, but your mileage may vary.



lil1v -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 3:20:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
The whole idea was summed up pretty well with the phrase, "The submissive earns the collar, the dominant earns the leash." Make them earn that leash. A good dominant won't mind that challenge.


*laughs* A Good Dominant doesn't mind a challenge. *laughs some more*

I've found some that actually prefer one. But those are really rare.

My guess is.. it depends on what the challenge is..

But I agree... Test their metal. Its one of the few ways you can really see what they're made of, and if they're going to fit you in the long run.





CelticPrince -> RE: What is the rush? (4/17/2005 3:22:15 PM)

dove,

I am new to this site and thus I will have little credibility to you but on other sites and R/T my experience has gleaned much respect.
My comments to your frustrations!
The comments before mine all have rings of truth to them but all tend to note that there are plenty of "horndogs" in the herd of Dominants I find that those are not Dominants at all, just pretenders.
So how does a nilla girl in training tell one from the other? Simply take note of their words and the meaning behind them. A true Dominant will be as wary of taking on a new sub as the sub is of taking the Dominant.

One who would cyber or attempt to cyber on the first, second, third conversation is simply a "horndog" or having a bad day Dom that is looking for a bit of cyberlightness.

A valid Dominant knows well the responsibilities that come with being a Dominant, and will not offer to take those on lightly.

If you do meet up with a good one, have little worry about the first meeting. His/her experience will set up a very public place and will allow alot of time for convo, for he or she well recognizes the dangers of a "changed mind" with a submissive and will seek to protect themselfes as well as the potential relationship.

The ponderings of CP



Kinkypupper -> RE: What is the rush? (4/19/2005 10:23:45 PM)

Thre are indeed a few people who hit it off right from the first moment.
Those however in the minority.
Some people play instantly some do not.
A Collar is a important thing and not to be taken lightly.
If you meet someone and they immediately want to "collar" you..
Think long and hard about that.. most are wannabes who just want "SEX".
If you want to go play then fine
If you are seeking a relationship.. start it like anyone else does..
SLOWLY.. If they are not interested in getting to know YOU first.. then listen to YOUR innerself..




michellewarner -> RE: What is the rush? (4/20/2005 4:07:09 AM)

a dominant that i have a lot of respect for once said that a woman is her own last, and often first, line of defense. another friend has told me more than once, *sheepish look* as i sometimes forget, that if you look like food, the predators of the world will eat you. i've found both ideas to be good ones to keep in mind.

you seem to have good instincts. if you follow them, they will keep you alive. *smile* it sounds like you're doing a very good job of that so far



Page: [1]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125