when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life

when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (Full Version)

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openmindedslave -> when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 3:57:51 PM)
I have noticed that on profiles here, some people share their vanilla lives.Whether discussing their family, or money problems or even your personal troubles.My question is have you found that those subs or slaves that you were involved with understand and to help. Or do most just expect that your so strong , you don't feel pain, and they simply get angry when you take their time away to deal with your problems. Recently one Mistress friend had a death in their family , and the guy who said he carred so much disappeared instead of understanding and helping her with her suffering.

SusanofO -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 3:59:23 PM)
I think the way her submissive acted toward her in that instance really sucks, but that's just my personal opinion. - Susan

SusanofO -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 4:01:15 PM)
I think there is some confusion, sometimes, between what people see as someone's "role" and seeing them as just a person, like anyone else. To me, the person almost always comes first, if there is a question about how someone "should" act in an extenuating circumstance, such as the one you described. Would it have killed this guy to simply act as her friend, if nothing else? - Susan

SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 4:59:48 PM)
I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first.

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 5:04:12 PM)
Bottom line I am looking for a relationship. Anyone who seems to be looking for a role is not for me. And I aggressively weed them out.

openmindedslave -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 5:29:35 PM)
Sad truth is arayofsunshine, she thought this guy was someone she could be ltr with. In some curel way, she found out earlier than most this guy was not going to be there for her when she needed a friend. I felt so bad for her in losing her Mother and then realizing the one guy she felt there was a future with couldn't be there for her. Now in little defense to him, she was not herself for a few weeks. But for a couple of weeks...please. Are you really suppose to be yourself after you lost your mother.. I received a personal email out of this that another Mistress lost her home to a slave when she was going through a tough time in her life.He was going to ALSO be there for her and take care of her.Later she found out , he was only interested in her place and bought it for less than market price so he could do the repairs and have a future together.Instead, he just announce that he is raising her rent and might even be kicking her out if the rent goes up to much. All because she allowed someone into her life so they could take advantage of her at her lowest moment.And yes, she too was looking for ltr.

SusanofO -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 5:43:52 PM)
That just stinks. Really. Some people have no conscience, apparently. - Susan

LadyPact -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 6:42:15 PM)
I'll reiterate what I said on the thread Susan was so good to start with Us on crying. At the end of the day, I'm a person with a real life. Part of that is being a Domme, but not all of it. I'm human first, and anybody I allow into My life has to accept that.

Lashra -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 7:13:43 PM)
My sub is my friend, my lover, my sub and my companion he is there for me whenever I should need him and vice versa. If I thought for an instant that he wasn't, he wouldn't be involved in my life at all. I do not like shallow people. ~Lashra

Celeste43 -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 7:26:36 PM)
No difference between here and vanilla relationships where stress can end the relationship. Unfortunately people under major stress have been known not to handle it wisely, drinking excessively, becoming abusive etc. When you say the domme wasn't herself, that opens the door to questions about how she was acting.

MistressDolly -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/6/2007 7:45:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave I have noticed that on profiles here, some people share their vanilla lives.Whether discussing their family, or money problems or even your personal troubles.My question is have you found that those subs or slaves that you were involved with understand and to help. Or do most just expect that your so strong , you don't feel pain, and they simply get angry when you take their time away to deal with your problems. Recently one Mistress friend had a death in their family , and the guy who said he carred so much disappeared instead of understanding and helping her with her suffering. He did? Wow, what an awakening smack in the face. That sucks. Sorry..:(

MistressN3082 -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 6:40:26 AM)
My sub lives with myself and my husband. Sometimes 24/7 is extremely difficult when "real life" gets in the way of my fun ....but hey that is life .... I have 2 grown up kids and they all know and understand the situation .... my hubby is my best friend always but subbie is also there for me through all the good times and the bad times....... wouldnt have it any other way

Elorin -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 7:00:19 AM)
Almost all of the subs I have taken have been very understanding when life was rough for me. They felt that it was part of service and submission to be there for me, support me, and help me out when things got rough, whether they received D/s styled attention or erotic assignments/playtime or not. The few that haven't were not "officially" my subs yet, they were those I had started to consider as potential submissives...when time away from them meant they lost interest and went looking elsewhere, they simply showed me that they were saving me time and effort in attempting to have a relationship with them. ~E

thetammyjo -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 7:02:13 AM)
Since I'm not looking to add in slaves who aren't also part of my family, they will be a part of the mundane matters of life. I won't choose someone who is unable to see beyond the fantasy into the realities of how 24/7 works.

MstrssPassion -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 9:02:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32 I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first. Does anyone believe that the person & the role is actually one & the same? I don't live a double life... I am a dominant woman who lives in & interacts with other people here on planet Earth. I don't have a switch that flips on & off nor do I have some fantasy world that I step into when I want to be a dominant. I am a dominant when I am standing in line at the grocery store or pumping my gas. This role doesn't grant me special rights through out my full existence & it doesn't absolve me from experiencing the tragedies that life can toss at us. I'm a person who puts on her pants one leg at a time & that means I have the same issues anyone else in the world has... good times & bad. If an individual is looking for me to be some fantasy image that exudes supreme power, dominance, elegance & poise that mirrors the image of the Lady he would most see himself at the feet of... well watch your noodle buddy while I step right on past you (or on you). I am a real person thus meaning I live in the real world.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 11:55:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32 I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first. Does anyone believe that the person & the role is actually one & the same? I don't live a double life... I am a dominant woman who lives in & interacts with other people here on planet Earth. I don't have a switch that flips on & off nor do I have some fantasy world that I step into when I want to be a dominant. Very nicely said, LadyPassion. I was thinking the same thing Myself when I read this thread. Life does not interfere with Life. It cannot. It is life. For some reason, in many intances, FemDoms are automatically credited with a certain demeanor or lack of feeling. Just because I have changes happening in My life, does not make Me less Dominant. There may not be time for certain things, such as play, but I am not a leather wardrobe, 6 inch stilettos and perfect make-up just because I am a FemDom. This extends to day to day. 24/7 does not mean, for Me, that I am constantly in some fantasy FemDom mode. I have seen this brought up before, by submissives who claim that there is no way D/s or M/s can be maintained 24/7. And I believe that is because D/s or M/s, to them, means playtime and constant active service. A slave is being of just as much service by being quiet and allowing time, as he is by taking orders to give Me a foot massage or bend over. Iti s a relationship...not a role. I am still Dominant, and he should still be submissive. Regardless of life's circumstances.

openmindedslave -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 2:33:48 PM)
I do see the points made in that who you are is a constant in a realtionship with a sub/slave. Whether in heels and leather or in levis and keds, a certain protocol is expected. The idea of a person in that postion crying , or having moments of depression or hurting , should not be preceived as a break in titles. The situations discussed earlier hurt the people more because they thought they had someone that understood them and only wanted to be in their lives as fair weather subs/slaves. I guess we all know those people.

Willworship -> RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life (4/7/2007 5:11:10 PM)
I would think no less of my domme if she cried, after all we all have emotions and should express them even dominant's. I would consider it my job to console her in any way possible, without question or hesitation.

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