NCMaster53
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Joined: 6/6/2004
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Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Much has been written about the D/s lifestyle and the many facets that are included. Usually, the topic of the writing is often focused on the more obvious aspects of Dominance. How the Dominant uses the toys, how skilled He is in bondage techniques, how polished He is in doing a public scene. These are, of course, important and necessary. The submissive likes to know that her Dominant has all these skills and takes pride in serving One so accomplished.
However, in a D/s relationship, there is far more to making the relationship work than being skilled with a flogger or single tail. The submissive seeks loving control and discipline; she is drawn to One that gives purpose and direction to her life. This is not accomplished by a Dominant barking orders and spanking when they are not obeyed. This is more successful when done in subtle nuances such as a raised eyebrow or delicate gestures as well as protocols and silent reminders.
The submissive enjoys feeling constant reminders of her Master's presence and control. The collar is an example. I am not going to delve into the significance of the collar other than to say wearing the collar is more than a symbol, it is a constant reminder of her Master's presence. Not every submissive can wear a bold leather collar at all times. There is a vanilla life that most of us have as well as our D/s existence. Many necklaces can be selected for wear in public vanilla settings that are discreet, but effective reminders. Other examples of discreet symbols of submission could be a small decorative chain locked around her waist under clothing, toe rings, body piercing, tattoos, restrictive clothing like corsets, or even toys inserted in intimate places. Each of these are reminders of her submission that are with her all day.
For those that are a bit bolder, occasional discreet play hidden from the unknowing eyesight of the vanilla public can be exciting and place the submissive's mind in a wonderful place. Leather cuffs worn under the long sleeves of a sweater that hide them from the eyes of others could keep the submissive very aware or her submission as she quietly eats at a restaurant. Requiring the submissive to dress without undergarments can be a very erotic reminder to her during the workday. The possibilities of what can be done are limited only by the imagination.
Keeping a journal is another way the submissive participates in her submission in a routine manner. If done properly, it allows the submissive to spend an amount of time each day contemplating her submission and what it means to her. However, it is the responsibility of the Dominant to carefully interact with this process. If the submissive writes in a journal and the Dominant does not read it or does not provide feed back, the submissive may lose focus and not be as open or diligent in her writings. There are many facets to the purpose of a journal. It is a chronicle of her journey into submission, a log of her growth. It is a means of communication between she and her Dominant. In her journal she expresses her fears, her joys, her anxieties, her accomplishments and her failures. The Dominant, by reading and providing feedback, becomes an active part of the journal keeping process. Knowing that her Dominant cares enough to take the time to read and respond keeps her mind focused as she writes and that focus is a reminder of her submission.
Quiet time is yet another reminder of her submission. It is important for the Dominant and the submissive to spend quiet time together. Often, the Dominant sitting with His submissive kneeling quietly at His feet provides a time of bonding, a time of silent communication, a time of contemplation. It sends a message to the submissive that her Dominant enjoys her presence, that the bond between them is far more than scene play. It is a time of togetherness, a sharing that often speaks louder that words or gestures. Magnified if accompanied by gentle petting or stroking by the Dominant allowing her to feel His touch.
Every submissive I have ever talked to could tell you about her "Master's Look". "The Look" as some refer to it, is a powerful nonverbal communication that is often used to relay emotions, praise, displeasure or a host of other messages. The Dominant that is aware of His submissive's actions and responds to her with the appropriate version of "The Look" reinforces His Dominance even from across the room. Rarely is this look misinterpreted.
The general purpose of this writing is simply to emphasize the importance of the subtle, the significance of the nuance. More often D/s relationships fail not because the Dominant didn't use the flogger properly, rather because the submissive lost focus of her submission due to His failure to understand the nuances.
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