NCMaster53
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Joined: 6/6/2004
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Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Those of us that enjoy this lifestyle understand that there are many facets of why we are drawn to it. No one essay can attempt to address anything but fragments of each facet. My focus here is the use of toys in a scene.
There are two primary reasons we use toys in a scene:
First, we use them for the sensations that can be produced from their use. The range of sensation goes from soft and sensual to intense pain. How you and your partner choose to play depends on your particular interests. Things such as rabbit furs and feathers can be used to bring wonderfully erotic soft sensations and closeness between the partners. A soft loving touch gently moving across the skin during an intimate moment can either be a mood setting beginning or a comforting after care conclusion. Floggers, clothespins, and even canes and single tails offer more intense sensations including erotic pain. Electric play with things such as violet wands or Tens units offer a whole other type of sensation that many find alluring. Needles and knives bring a certain edge that intensifies sensations. Some toys are used to lessen the senses for sensory deprivation play... hoods, saran wrap for mummification, even bondage toys are used to heighten the senses by depriving one of more of the five senses.
The second reason toys are used is for the mental stimulation. Often, knives, or other toys are used solely for the mental stimulation. The submissive seeing or feeling the cold steel blade can take her to a headspace that is unlike any other. The type of toys used for mental stimulation is limited only by the imagination (and maybe the budget) of the partners. The mental facet, to some degree, plays on the uncertainty in the submissive's mind as to what will happen next. A good Dominant will use the toys to enhance the mental headspace of His submissive.
One thing that seems to be universal, submissives have an increasing appetite for the sensations and headspace they get from the scene. Once the trust level has been established with her Dominant and she can truly submit, she tends to have a need to be pushed... a need to explore more sensations. to have limits tested. The Dominant has to be creative and explore with her. The Dominant has a responsibility to allow the submissive to grow in her experience; to push her to new highs; to meet her need for new sensations.
In order to do this, the Dominant has to explore and grow as well. He has to educate Himself in new ways to create sensations. Munch groups and other organizations are very good at providing the educational opportunities and by attending and learning He becomes a better Dominant. However, it takes more. Even the most creative Dominant can gain ideas and techniques from others. By watching, listening, reading the Dominant can improve His creativity. But more than that, He must be willing to try new things... try new toys... try new techniques with toys.
The good Dominant knows that He cannot be skilled with every toy the first time He uses it. Some may avoid using certain toys because they do not feel comfortable using them. Others may be over confident and that can lead to the submissive having less than a positive experience or even injured. So, how does the Dominant become more skilled with the toys? The answer is relatively simple. Use them.
Every toy, even the more intense ones can be used at different levels. Just as a sports car that has a powerful engine can be used to take you grocery shopping, any toy can be used safely and gently. The Dominant that is learning a new technique or toy should always remember to play within His skill level. If the toy has the potential to cause harm, He should be fully aware of what harm can be caused and how to avoid it. He should learn what safety precautions are needed.
An example... the single tail is a toy many consider intense and certainly does have the possibility of causing injury if misused. The single tail can cut the skin and can cause intense pain. In the hands of a skilled Dominant, the single tail can bring feathery touches or great sensations of intensity. A novice in the use of the single tail does not have to avoid using it; He simply must not think He is better than He is. He should not try to make the whip crack and display intricate moves while learning on His submissive. He can use the single tail with easy flowing motions and less intensity. Being more concerned with learning control than showing fancy techniques. Often, just the knowledge that a single tail is being used on her gives the submissive a headspace that is most pleasant even if not so intense.
Learning new toys gives the Dominant a wider range of sensations that He can provide to His submissive. It gives Him opportunities to enhance the experience and improve His skills. He does not have to be an expert with the toy to bring pleasure to His submissive... He only needs to remember.. Play within your skill level.
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