slaveboyforyou
Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
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This is going to be a long post, but please bare with me. I have been on this site for awhile. I haven't really participated in many of the discusssions in the forums, but I do read them. I had another profile up here all the way back in 2004 where I met my last dominant. She had been a submissive to a male dom in a polyamorous relationship but she decided to explore her dominant side. Shortly after her decision, she met me. When we met, she lived in another state in the upper Midwest, and I lived here (look at my profile, I live in the South). I had a real problem with the polyamory thing, but I liked her. I continued talking to her. After awhile, I was hooked. She was smart and funny. I looked forward to talking to her every day. After awhile, I was ready to say yes to relocating and giving her way of life the good college try. However, I started hearing about big of a jerk her "free companion" was. I started hearing the jealousy and the anger she felt. I understood this, because I have always been monogamous. I didn't know it at the time, but she was setting me up. She did this for over a month, and cultivated that protective instinct that all of us males have. Before I knew it, she was talking about moving here. She had a aunt that lived here, so she made her decision and moved down here. I felt great about that. It made me feel special and important. After all, there are thousands of male submissives looking for partners here. I felt lucky, and I didn't think about the dangers of falling for someonone I never met.
The first few months after she moved here were great. We went out and dated. It was really fun. We shared everything, and I felt lucky. I thought I had really met the person I was meant to be with. You have to understand how extraordinary this is. I am a cynic and a pessimist. I don't generally believe in the concept of soul mates. But she mad me feel things I had never felt before. I felt blessed and I was happy. However she soon started changing. I realized she had been in a very confined relationship for several years. Despite what people tell me about polyamory, it seems more confining to me than monogamy. Monogamy only requires you to be loyal to one person. Polyamory requires loyalty to everyone in your particular circle. I understood that it was a transition for her, and I backed off a lot. I did everyting that she asked me to do. Soon after she left me and started a vanilla relationship. She told me that she was burned out on the lifestyle and needed a break. I was upset, but I understood. She needed to find her place in the world, and I backed off. Months later, she called me looking for a friend. I was there, and I was willing to take on that role. After all, I did like her and I still enjoyed our conversations. We were both dating other people, and I saw no problem. I still was interested in her and she knew that. But, I accepted our friendship as what it was. During that friendship phase, she called me one day in a panic. Her power had been shut off, and she had no way of paying it. I really didn't feel comfortable paying her bill, but I didn't know what to say. She has kids, and I would have felt like an asshole if I said no. So I paid her bills under the agreement she would pay me back. The bill was close to a thousand dollars. I am not rich, so a thousand dollars is a lot of money. I am responsible and frugal, so I did have it in my savings. I gave it to her, but I expected it to be repaid. I made no time table on this payment. I told her to give it to me when she had it. Shortly after this, we agreed to stary seeing each other romantically again. But, the loan was not suspended. I still expected to be paid back. During our brief romantic relationship, I learned that she had been seeing other people and lying about it. We had agreed on a monogamous relationship. She did not stick to that agreement. In fact, she saw other people while telling me that we were exclusive.
When I found about all of this, I was obviously angry. She did not reveal any of her activities to me. I found them out on my own. I did not spy on her or seek these anwers out. I found out through others, and she lied about it when asked. I immediately asked to break off the relationship, because I don't tolerate dishonesty. I did not ask about the money she owed. She brought it up, and I agreed to a plan where she would pay me back in installments once a week. That plan never happened, and I never heard from her after that. I took a friend with me as a witness to her house to talk about a plan for paying this money back. When I arrived, the man she had lied to me about was there. I said nothing, and I was very polite. I only asked her for some sort of plan to pay me back. So we went and got a writtten agreement for her to pay me back in full by a certain date.
That date came, and I recieved a check in the mail. I felt good that she had upheld her end of our bargain, and I deposited the check in my checking account. I was sad that our relationship had not worked out. But, these things happen. People come into your life, and they exit your life. A few weeks later, I got a notice from my bank that her check was from a non-existant account. She wrote me a phony check. Needless to say, I was pissed. I went out of my way to help her and her kids. The repayment I got was to be defrauded. I didn't want to do it, but I called a lawyer friend of mine. I was told that I had a winning lawsuit, but that I should try to get her to comply before it went that far. I did contact her, and I am now in the midst of trying to collect from her.
Here is my problem in the lifestyle sense. A lot of our mutual lifestlye friends have called her to ask how she is holding up. These people come from all orientations. They are dominants, submissives, switches, males, females, etc. However, not one person has called to ask me the same thing. There is no fight about what happened. She has admitted to screwing me over, and is trying to pay me back. All of that is in the record. I don't understand why the dominant is instantly afforded sympathy and the submissive is forgotten in a breakup. Does D/s stand for double standard?
Pardon me for any type-o's or incorrect spelling. I didn't edit this very closely.
< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 4/6/2007 9:50:44 PM >
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Does D/s stand for double standard? - 
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