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curiouslyseeking -> Master Vows (4/7/2007 8:07:45 AM)

Greetings to A/all;
 
As a Master, do you make promises/vows in a relationship or is your word good enough to stand on its own?
 
As a Master, do you accept promises and vows from your submissives?
 
I am very interested in seeing what direction this thread goes.
 
Have a most inspired day,
~curious~



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 8:18:31 AM)

In two years we have not gotten to any vows.  We are pretty flexible and not very high protocol.  And we each do the best we can, we understand our shared intent.  That we know about each other.  Without promises or vows.  I think I prefer it that way.  



mstrjx -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 8:26:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

I am very interested in seeing what direction this thread goes.
 


East, with a little bit of a southward bent.

Oh, the question.

I could fall back on the ol' 'it depends' and let it stand, but I'll elaborate if I can make sense of my own ramblings.

I know about myself that integrity is vital to me as a person.  Might there be an occasion where I play a little 'fast and loose' with the rules?  Maybe, but not where it affects another in an important way.

So my word IS good.  But I could also say that my penis is 10" long, and at some point in time there might be a little disconnect between fact and fantasy.

Still, my word really IS good, but now I have to get you to believe it.  I could interpret the question a few ways, but for me I think this is where negotiation goes a long way.  Talking about likes, dislikes, philosophies, and how those all come together relative to a specific person makes that person (and myself) feel that there is a growing bond, where that believability can start to grow.

For instance, a long time ago I wrote a 'contract' of sorts.  I've used it a couple of times, enforced it, but to me today it serves more as a 'template' for interests.  What's the problem with going over it in detail with a potential partner and saying what's good/what would be considered to make that partner a part of the process.  Again, this builds credibility, trust, and an awareness that I'm taking the time to make certain that their mental comfort is taken care of prior to solidifying the relationship.

Lacking that, my word IS good.  Trust me.

From the submissive, integrity is good and vital, but promises and vows tend to seem more hollow to me.  I suppose my thinking there is that I tend to be the one seeing more of the bigger picture, and I'm more the one that needs to be 'proven'.  Promises and vows from a submissive might 'seem' valuable, but it's rather like agreeing to the unknown.  Not much tangible value there.

The kind of promise that makes sense and is 'warm and fuzzy' to me is a commitment to work through issues, to form a tight bond and a concrete, enduring relationship.  That doesn't have much to do with the dynamic itself, but it takes away a level of the 'fear of the unknown' for me so I can relax into being who I am, which is where I'm best.

Jeff



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 9:24:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

Greetings to A/all;

As a Master, do you make promises/vows in a relationship or is your word good enough to stand on its own?

As a Master, do you accept promises and vows from your submissives?

I am very interested in seeing what direction this thread goes.

Have a most inspired day,
~curious~

I make promises to try, as does he.  None of my previous masters made promises regularly.  In fact the only real time I can remember was my last master saying he would try and let me know when he was going out of town and felt sorry for not telling me this time- again not something he had to do.

While I don't think an owner needs to form any promises or build expectations in the slave of any consistency of behavior- it does NOT allow them to be inconsiderate or unstable or immature.  If they are an inconsistent person, they need to let everyone know in what ways they are inconsistent right from the start.  The slave DOES need to know what to expect within the relationship and whether that situation will be right for her/him.



Lashra -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 10:42:28 AM)

My word is enough and so is his, if one of us fails in that then it effects the trust. Neither of us want that to happen. So I if I say I am going to do something you'd best believe that I will and so had he because Im not shy is asking about things.

~Lashra and slutjack



PlayfulOne -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 11:35:38 AM)

We don't make vows are promises to one another.  Personally for me if my word is not good enough then whoever has doubts should leave.  

She is important to me and I conduct myself in a matter that reflects that.  No matter what position she holds I am resposible for her well being (both physical and mental).  If I need vows are promises to remember that then something is wrong with me.

K



SirDominic -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 1:35:59 PM)

Don't think I am getting the question. If I give my word, isn't that the same thing as a promise?



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 3:18:13 PM)

Promises,vows or words..to me thay are all the same thing. If a Dominant says "Meet me at this place and time", and then does not show nor call,then I would begin to doubt his word.If a Dominant says you have my permission to do this or that, then later changes his mind..I would begin to doubt his word..To me showing me by actions that I can truly believe he means what he says will develop that trust in him and to be able to depend on his consistency..The same can also be said for the submissive in exactly the same way...Tempting



Padriag -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 6:17:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

Greetings to A/all;
 
Howdy! [:)]

quote:

As a Master, do you make promises/vows in a relationship or is your word good enough to stand on its own?
Well think of it this way, if my word wasn't good.... would any vows I might make really matter?  This really comes down to a matter of trust, and as a dominant, hell... as a person, either I can be trusted or I can't.  If I can't, then all the promises and vows in the world aren't going to change that.  On the otherhand if I am trustworthy, then it doesn't matter whether I make a promise, take a vow, swear an oath, or grandpa has his shotgun handy... if I'm trustworthy, then I can be trusted to do as I say... and sometimes even about things that were never said.
 
quote:

As a Master, do you accept promises and vows from your submissives?

Sure, though for my part a simple promise suffices.



julietsierra -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 6:45:57 PM)

"Mean what you say; say what you mean."

That's his requirement of me and his promise to me. It's good enough.

Beyond that, I don't know what else you're meaning by differentiating between vows and his word being good enough.

He is a man of integrity. His word is his vow. His word is good enough.

juliet



bayboundse -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 7:37:20 PM)

We used a list/contract/limits sheet when we met just to have something written for our use.



N4SDChastity -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 9:51:57 PM)

I'm in agreement with pretty much every other Dom in this thread.  Honesty is the coin of my realm.  If I say a thing, then I will bend heaven and earth, if needs be, to bring such a thing to fruition.  I have no need and little use for those who deal in lies or half-truths.  Those I "play" with know this to be true, not because I tell them so, but in their interactions with me.  If they were to ask  for a "vow" or "promise," I would decline.  I see no point to it.  If you cannot take me at my word, from the point where you decided to get nekid and kneel down to let me place clothes-pins in strategic places all over you, how is a vow going to make you feel better?  I don't personally do "scene" play.  Preferring to deal solely with someone I can interact with and rely on, on a daily basis.  The trust is based on the same honesty that is the foundation of any good relationship.  Without it you're just fooling yourself.  No vow could make my honest dealings any moreso, but, one untruth could render any vow I make a hollow promise.



aldompdx -> RE: Master Vows (4/7/2007 11:39:56 PM)

Actions speak louder than words. Don't say it, just do it. Reality is truth. One who needs vows and promises does so from insecurity and doubt. Note, this is different than proclaiming what one already does, including existing comittment -- honesty of the truth.



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